sunday life: in which I quit the sunday afternoon email catch-up habit
This week I reclaim my Sunday
Sundays are sad. So says a Swedish study just out. It found the Sabbath the most depressing day of the week because (and I just love how big, important studies have an uncanny knack for pointing out the bleeding obvious) it’s the day before school and work starts. It also found the mood plunge is particularly profound among married couples and East Germans. (I could venture a theory on this, but I fear it’d only make things bleaker.)
Me, I’ve often found Sundays mood-sinky. When I was a kid, they were Dickensian-grim. As the sun set and the dam snap-froze over for the night, Dad would haul me and my brothers out to the back paddocks to chop wood for the week. Then Mum would line us up on the verandah to scrub knees and cut toenails. We’d catch the last bit of The Wonderful World of Disney before dinner. Then bed, the dread of first period clinging to us, prickly and restrictive like a Fair-Isle jumper in the rain.
As adults, you’d think we’d find a way to address this. To make Sundays sunnier. I know some people head to the pub on Sunday nights by way of a final hoorah to the weekend. This was a fad for a while and I hear it put off the inevitable quite effectively.
But I’ve noticed more recently that Sundays have taken on a panicky, catch-up quality. There’s not enough time in the week to get everything done. Certain tasks – wading through long emails, finishing that advisory report, filling out health insurance forms – can’t get done in the Monday-Friday flurry. So we set aside “just a few hours” on Sunday afternoon to “get on top of things”. It started as an occasional practice. But now, we can’t get through the week without a Sunday session of ploughing through our inboxes and that stack of background reading next to the couch.
Some time between the Reformation and the advent of MacBook Airs Sundays became a depository for the week’s backlog. A bilge for our bulging commitments. We know life shouldn’t be like this. There should be parameters. Our partners and children resent it. We resent it. And so Sundays have become even sadder because they’re a reminder of all this.
OK, we need a mood shift. Another study, this time by National Geographic explorer Dan Buettner and detailed on TED.com* last month, has found a long and healthy life can be boiled down to nine stupidly simple factors. One of which is taking a day out each week to switch off. Buettner’s research surveyed the Blue Zones (places in the world where folk live longer than average) and found a day of complete rest added years to life expectancy. In days past it was called observing the Sabbath and it entailed full shutdown – no shopping, no errands, no updating Twitter.
I’m not religious, but I decided this week there’s divine logic in “observing a Sabbath”. Actually, let’s break this down. The invitation here is to mindfully witness a day that, by biblical definition, is the first day of the week. So it’s about setting aside 24 hours to lay out a considered launching pad and choosing the tone for what lies ahead. As they say, how you start something is how you finish it.
For the past few weeks, I’ve been observing restful Sundays. It took some hefty erecting of parameters. I turned down a trip to Byron Bay with a big group of friends. I shut the door to my study as a symbolic gesture. And I left my diary in the car to stop myself from doing a bit of scheduling in front of The Good Wife before bed. It took effort. And the floaty feel of the day – I banished all plans and commitments, too – left me feeling a little naked. But I’m getting the hang of it now and my Mondays have been kicking off right on tone. It’s made me calmer and happier.
Back in our grandparents’ day, balancing work and rest was easier – rest days were institutionalised and iphones weren’t invented. But it was only easier. Today, the difference is we have to create our own parameters. Technology – and the rest – will whip us into a frenzy. It will lure us to more “doing”. So we have to diligently carve out our rest. And erect some almighty barrier fencing around it.
* If you don’t already, subscribe to TED.com’s weekly rundown of inspiring talks posted on their site. They make life better.
I agree 100%. My sunday’s are always no-work days except for reflecting on the week past and planning the week ahead. Somehow that really centres my mind and makes me fell more relaxed & secure.
I’ve recently found something else which works for ‘each day’ too. I often found it difficult to sleep then realised that I was always racing around still working full-pace just 5 minutes before going to bed. Then I’d wonder why my mind would be flying & sparking once in bed preventing sleeping (sometimes for hours).
So I decided to create an ‘electronic sunset’ exactly 1 hour before bed each day. This means EVERYTHING goes off one hour before bed – mobile phone, email, internet, laptop, computer, TV and radio/music. I then read a book for 30mins and finish off with a short 20min meditation CD.
It’s amazing how removing all these electronic stimuli lets your brain really slow down and puts you into a calm-like bed mode. I’ve never slept better.
(Oh, the earplugs & sleep machine also work wonders but that’s more a night-shift specific problem).
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Great wisdom Sarah. The Sabbath has always been about the need to re-fuel the heart and spirit – if we don’t do it our worlds are a little imbalanced.
One thing I do to have a more stress-free Sunday is just prior to switching off on a Friday night I plan the following week. Takes 15 minutes and allows me to enjoy the weekend more knowing that the plan for the week is sitting waiting for me when I return to my office on Monday morning.
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I agree Sarah about creating your own parameters. What I love about my life is the flexibility that I have that allows me to do reading at school with my daughter or go for a run during the day and not the crack of dawn- however this can also be a big challenge and requires strong parameters. I have recently introduced working for a few hours on a Sunday at the moment as it allows me to better manage the family responsibilities along with work responsibilities throughout the week without feeling overwhelmed. What I do to counteract this choice is create Sunday moments of “tranquillity” at different times during the week.
Paul like you I have made a decision to turn the computer off by 10pm at night and instead of reaching for the remote will be reading my book instead which I know will make it easier for me to reach that restful state essential for a good night’s sleep.
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http://www.myglutenfreesupermarketguide.com.au/
Just thought you might be interested.
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I grew up Catholic but stopped going to church weekly in my late teens … but I do think that kicking off Sundays with that ritual set the tone for the day .. it became a day of family and home and perhaps a laid-back BBQ … I think my parents gave us that day of ‘mindful witness’ you so eloquently describe Sarah!
Now I have 4 kids of my own, and juggle alternate weekends with 3 of them visiting their father .. I’m still searching for a restful ritual that defines Sunday for us .. I always wonder if I have failed my kids by not setting up some of those rituals that made my childhood such a golden memory
The beach has started to be our replacement church in recent months and I think we just might keep that going through winter .. (If I can drag those teenagers out of bed!)
Thanks for the thoughtful article.
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hm… I used to DESPISE and dread that sunday feeling… and then I quit the work I hated and do what I love… since then I look forward to mondays… call me a freak, but Spoonful makes me happy
thea.
xx
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Another interesting post Sarah. I used to use sundays to catch up on the ever-present weekly backlog of work for years. That has all changed as a result of the winding down and eventual loss of my job. Initially I was at a loss to know what to do with this free time on Sundays, I was grieving over the loss and concerned about my future. Then I decided that I had to take a day free from all of these hassles to unwind and recuperate. Started taking ‘lost sundays”. Phone off, suit myself,chill out days.
Now I’m focussed on setting up my own business which has a whole new set of freaking stressors that come along as part of the deal. The new relaxed sunday regime leaves me re-energised to deal with the challenges in the week ahead. I have discovered the benefits spelt out in your post as a result of a sudden change in my circumstances. I think it’s a change for the better. My lost sundays work their best magic if I leave my watch in a drawer and ignore the clock.
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Nice article and well researched.
I watched that Dan Buettner video on how to live to be 100 (link from Ted.com website
http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/dan_buettner_how_to_live_to_be_100.html) and I totally agree.
I’m a Seventh Day Adventist and observing a day of rest from sundown Friday night to sundown Saturday night definitely allows you to turn off from your stressful working week and gives you a calm and retrospective look at what you’ve achieved (or need to achieve) the following week.
It sort of puts things into perspective and allows you deal with a lot more items in an orderly an more productive fashion.
I do believe that humans were not created to work 7 days without rest as anyone who does this (unknowingly or willingly) soon burns out and suffers emotional or health issues and ultimately a shorter and less happy life.
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Sorry – URL included brackets. Here’s the direct link to that video:
http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/dan_buettner_how_to_live_to_be_100.html
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March 11th, 2010 at 10:32 pm
Yep, watched it. Dan actually contacted me to say hi after I posted this. Uncanny.
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