insomnia: an artistic representation that somehow makes it feel less lonely
If you’re an insomniac these images by artist Paul Davis at copyrightdavis.com will very much resonate. Not so much for the meaning in the squiggles. But the demented aesthetic.
How much do you totally get the hatred you feel for the loved one lying next to you…asleep (HATE HER SLEEP). How come it works for them? How can they be so unaware of where I’m at when I’m so damn hyper-aware of them – their every cell, their every flicker of the eye? Why does sleep work for them, and not me?
I was an insomniac for years. I went for a 6-month stint when I was in my early 20s in which I slept 1-3 hours a night. I went demented – accidentally set fire to my apartment, got pneumonia from sleeping in a puddle…etc. etc. And, to this day, if I’m to be upfront, I find it really tough sleeping next to someone else. I like the IDEA of it. But the reality hurts. Around 4.17am I get to a point where I reckon I can actually hear their cells multiplying. And feel their aura. And see their dreams. And know their fears.
Yes, let me tell you, I’m a BIG BIG BIG fan of sleeping in separate beds most nights. And having separate rooms. Hell, separate houses! Why not? It’s a relatively recent construct for couples to sleep in the same bed – post-industrial revolution. It’s not something that comes naturally to us. Nor is it mandatory to marriage or partnership. There you go.
I like the “blob of recent regret” (see below). It does just hang there, doesn’t it? 2.19am always seems the perfect time to reflect on the dumb-ass comment you made at the end of a meeting.
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nice to read this as i’ve had bad insomnia since starting work a couple of months ago (i was stay at home mum for a few years before that). last night finally got to sleep at 1am only to wake at 3am & that was it . . .always waking at 3am & can’t stop thinking. i don’t resent my husband’s good sleep tho, he virtually hits the pillow & is asleep. At least one of us is getting sleep!! I dread to think what life would be like for the kids if we were both insomniacs!
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Totally, totally with you on this ‘relatively recent construct’ for couples to share beds. Even though for the most part I am happy to share bed with my man day in and day out, i is still strongly believe we would all do well to reverse this trend – Im all for it, separate rooms, separate houses (if only we could afford even one house!) – and then, let the choices flow, even if it be to bed up every night….
Insomniacs seem to be incredibly productive by the way, but at such a cost!!
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The more I read this blog the more bemused I become of your personality Sarah. Well intended, insightful but also highly complex.. although I believe most of us are.
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April 16th, 2010 at 2:40 pm
Ha, Tom. You should experience how bemusing it is to own the personality!
Kind words – very generous. Thank you.
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I have been known to construct a ‘great wall of pillows’ between myself and the person sharing my bed. I don’t mind sharing a bed and I love love love cuddles but I can NOT sleep with someone else touching me! Stay on your own side dammit!
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Pzizz cured my insomnia. Turning off all the screens in the house at 10pm makes a huge difference too.
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April 19th, 2010 at 12:17 pm
my Dad does the same, Helen.
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great to read this Sarah as I struggle most nights with sleep. the overactive mind seems to win every time. grrrrr. learning to meditate, but with difficulty. can i ask how you beat your insomnia?
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This is a little late in the day for a comment on your thoughts about insomnia and separate beds. You may not get to it but oh well. I had read this a little while ago but have been slow in sharing my thoughts prompted by your words. It sure is frustrating when one sleeps and the other doesn’t. Who said 2 people should share the same bed anyway? If you grew up sharing a bedroom, your own room should by heaven. Maybe romance in the early stages is the cause for sharing the sheets, however I have never forgotten reading about Don Dunstan, Premiere of South Australia years back. It was well publicised that he and his wife kept separate homes due to their busy lives. They sometimes stayed together, sometimes not. Don Dunstan and his wife copped some social questioning for this but they did say that they found it to be conducive to keeping the romance in their marriage. I liked that despite it’s departure from the usual. Double beds should be as big as a room and maybe with a movable wall.
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Whoops, I’m a little slow at times and missed two points I wanted to leave with you. I do not suffer from insomnia, and don’t envy anyone who does. I have my sleepless nights like most and feel for real insomniacs. My other point is one of concern. For Tom that is. Knowing that you have used the words lofty and perch elsewhere in your blog, I’ll refer to Tom as Lofty Tom. Should he ever fall from his perch he will be in for some serious injuries; he seems to know just how high he is and needs to be careful.
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