are you being authentic? how do you know?
I’ve been fretting a little lately about whether I’m being authentic. I’ve been catching myself saying things to impress and to create a certain image of myself. Then I cringe inwardly. It’s easy to do, especially when you blog. You can easily get swept up in your own story. Press “publish”. And go eat a peanut butter rice cake.
So what does it mean to be authentic in such over-sharey times?
I love this quote from George Orwell:
“In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act.”
I don’t know that we’re living in non-truthful times right now. It’s more that the truth gets convoluted by our meddling.
Over-sharing can appear to be authentic. Blurting stuff out, warts and all, can certainly look and smell and feel real. But it’s often a seductive guise for the truth. We can carefully select what we wish to over-share, and then broadcast it on Twitter and our blogs, thus painting a picture of ourselves as wonderfully transparent. But are we just being shouty? Are we authent-a-bragging?
Or is it a bit like doing that thing that women (sorry, it’s true) do so often, where we point out our faults before anyone else can? (We’ll say things like, “I know, I know, I’m fat today”, or “Thanks for the compliment about my lipstick, but my hair is having a frizz attack… sorry!”). When we do this we fend off perceived, impending criticism. As well as put up a big wall to being challenged further. Subject officially covered, DO NOT ENTER!!!
Hmph. I can do this.
Especially with people who I think might want to challenge me on something. I do it in relationships. And I do it with big words and elaborate, technical explanations which further bamboozle the other person into thinking, “Wow, she’s really truthful and authentic, I don’t really need to raise that hoary issue with her, she has it covered.” And thus they close the case and leave me alone. Which defeats the point of relationships, right?
So how do we be authentic now?
Jonathan Fields recently asked, is social media is killing authenticity? He kind of points out that we’re all so self-conscious now about being quoted and read online that we self-edit in real life.
I think all we can do is be alive to the issue. And practice NOT saying the shouty, over-sharey stuff, unless it serves a purpose beyond simply putting up a wall. Just a thought…
Interestingly, this was posted on Mumbrella a few days ago…
At the end (4.00 minute mark) it’s me talking about authenticity in media. I argue (although it’s not really that clear from my ranting), that there are a lot of players out there trying to define the new media landscape. The balls are in the air. No one knows where they’ll all land. Will the internet trump magazines? Can bloggers really take the place of journos? Where’s it all going? The only answer is that communicators with authentic messages will win out. The frauds won’t survive the turmoil. With a steady-fast message, it doesn’t matter what the medium is (online, TV, mags…)…you dance between them all. And we’re seeing this with voices such as Annabel Crabb. But also with lifestyle bloggers who “are their message”…not just talking it.
Who do you find authentic right now? How do you tell if they’re being authentic? Do you find you “drop off” the inauthentic voices (please don’t mention these names…not so cool).
Hey Sarah – you are like my friend Rebecca Dettman from http://rebeccadettman.com/ who always seems to come up with a topic that has been whirling around my brain for a while now and allows me to explore it outside my head
I have tuned out of social media for myself, for my business I keep some sort of commentary going but I have naturally wandered away from it because I’ve been feeling that there’s just too much ’sharing’ going on, and to be honest I’m just over it.
I’ve been in the online space now for five years and most of that in the social media space building my brand/business and I’m just feeling social media saturated. I feel that we do it just to make ourselves feel better about ourselves and yes authent-a-bragging is a good word for it and that’s not really being authentic then is it? But then there has to be filters on what you share and who with, there should be some stuff that is private, I think we’ve forgotten that we can still keep some sense of privacy about ourselves.
I also struggle with my authentic path from the perspective that I can be too authentic and some people find true authenticity too confronting – although I do filter my responses in a way that is non-confrontational but inside I churn with the disconnect.
Being authentic is hard because you do have to filter it and share as and when is appropriate and the behaviour of heading off someone at the path with derogatory comments is definitely a protection mechanism and we are naturals at doing it. Wonder where it comes from?
As you say real authenticity will win out, it’s a bumpy ride but it’s leading the charge
Sam
Sarah – interesting question..when I read this post it got me thinking… who are we really? By that I mean are you really the latest thoughts you have been having..or the automatic emotional responses to whatever stumuli has triggered a response (emotion) and then a thought (rationale)? I wouldn’t claim to have the answer, but at least stopping and reflecting before “uttering a word/or typing it… in effect reflecting about ourselves, our values and our goals”..and then choosing… is closer to authentic..having engaged our Pre Frontal Cortex in choosing. Keep up your great work.. if you are serving your purpose (and it does no harm)..you are authentic in my book! Bill Lang
Hi Sarah,
This post really got me thinking.
I definitely point out my faults before anyone else can, although I didnt realise I was doing it (until now).
I think that lots of women do it naturally. You even managed to do it in the next paragraph
“Or is it a bit like doing that thing that women (sorry, it’s true) do so often, where we point out our faults before anyone else can?
…At the end (4.00 minute mark) it’s me talking about authenticity in media. I argue (although it’s not really that clear from my ranting),”
The thing is, you wern’t ranting at all, and I wouldn’t have even been looking for it unless you had mentioned it.
Worryingly, I think I do this most often in situations where I am trying to come across confidently; in work and study sitations, during presenatations and meetings.
Interesting how men don’t seem to do this to themselves as much…
I feel as if I need to be more careful not to be so self-depreciative in future!! But does being more careful and controlling what comes naturally to you make you more or less authentic?
Another great, insightful and thought provoking post!!
From a non-bloggers perspective: I find sometimes that bloggers are WAY too introspective where their whole lives seem to be about reporting their whole lives.
This leads to much focus on noise and minutiae which whilst authentic is not adding-value to my life or others. To me, the point of sharing is providing a benefit to others (whether it just be empathy for troubles shared – “I’m not alone with this problem” or some more practical benefit “here’s how to make mud pie”).
I think many bloggers create a rod for their backs in promising to blog daily. I just cannot see how it’s possible to be “original & creative” EVERY single day. Hence the spiral downwards into reporting noise that everyday people don’t find helpful. I think the phrase “less is more” really applies here (or “quality vs quantity”).
If you think about it – being a “daily blogger” is not really a scalable e-strategy given it’s “always you” in the engine room each day. Hence why many bloggers increase the frequency of brining guest-bloggers which seems a very smart idea. (Or simply just changing tact and putting out a weekly blog of much high quality).
good points, as always Paul. the daily thing can be quite a good discipline… it can keep you alive to things.
perhaps you have thoughts on spoon bending, too, Bill!?
Lovely considered thoughts Sassy Sam x
The best way to be authentic is to avoid the media altogether! We are all fed the same TV/Radio stations, magazines, newspapers etc, often with dubious content, and so our thoughts/actions must be a reflection of this. It’s like the Aldi store in Brisbane being absolutely.identical. to the Aldi store in my suburb. No room for creative thought there.
I stick to blogs and it is easy to pick the authentic voice from the bland automaton. I blog myself, and have been thinking that I need to become more of who I am online, something I am working on. I need to not be afraid of my own voice, but of course some aspects of my life must remain personal. I agree with the above comment that quality over quantity when blogging is preferable. My fave authentic bloggers are American artist Judy Wise and Dr Jay at Yoga For Cynics. And please add yourself to the authentic list!
Sarah,
I have very much enjoyed your last three posts – bewilderment, bending spoons with Martha Beck and this one. You’re in a “purple” patch one where I am hearing a consistent and authentic voice.
Your questions are are you being authentic? how do you know? Recognise the value of journaling, capturing your ideas & thoughts, giving yourself reflection time or surrounding yourself with friends who will tell you (& whom you listen to) when you are full of S##T. Discovering your authentic self takes effort and then showing up that way as consistently as you can- these are the people that I enjoy listening to- they may swerve sometimes away from their authentic voice but they soon get back on track.
PS – If anyone wants to read an incredibly authentic spiritual journey, Jeff Brown’s book Soul Shaping is an incredible read: http://www.soulshaping.com/
When I finished reading it, I realised that even though my quest for being authentic and working through my stuff was/still is hard, I was doing it in a ’safe’ way.
I haven’t touched on the media aspect that Sarah has highlighted above because, it’s a whole other soap box debate for me and I don’t want to bore you with it
As for the spoon bending Sarah, that would be have been so mind boggling and surreal to see … wowsers!!!
Sam
x
Fantastic post, Sarah.
Raises a lot of questions. I too question what I write and wonder how I come across – good, bad, authentic, otherwise.
I’d like to think that I am authentic, however people’s perceptions is what its all about and what I see may not be how it translates – that is a problem.
UGH I just did this and it makes me want to go undo my whole blog post. I quickly pointed out my cellulite and even gave a list of areas you gain weight in pregnancy, statistics to show my readers I’m normal. *hides* I think I do OK when I feel better about myself and less vulnerable (I did, after all, post bikini pics at 7 months pregnant) but only in the area of self-deprecation. I do work to craft an image otherwise.
For me, it’s always been about ‘faking it ’til you make it’. I write about food I’ve eaten when I’m proud of my healthy choices and skip Twittering my lunch if I binge on something I’m ashamed of. It’s glossing over the bad parts but it’s also reinforcing, to me, what I want to be, so I’m not sure it’s all bad.
Interesting topic! And definitely something I’ve thought about a lot lately.
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