I stopped! and had a good hard look at myself.
So, I’ve been MIA a few days. This is because my computer exploded. As in, literally. I was working away and it went SNAP! and blew a fuse in my office. This happened to you? I’m sure it has. But how did you handle it?
My computer is now dead. Apple (bless them) are replacing it and are currently trying to retrieve data…including my book. Personal update: I’m staying calm. And using the opportunity to have a good hard look at myself.
Truth be known, the ordeal has tested me. I’ve been in a state of panic and frustrated beyond what I thought I could endure – unable to do ANY work during an insanely busy time for me. I’m about to start filming a new show, my book deadline’s getting closer, I have exams…and the rest.
But the intensity has honed my thinking. It’s forced me to look for the lessons.
When you ask, honestly and with enough open, raw desperation, “Why has this happened?”, you get your answer.
In my case, my computer short-circuited before I did. Yes, it’s only a computer. Computer’s don’t have free will. But there is NO TECHNOLOGICAL REASON for it doing what it did. Apple are stumped. The IT guy is stumped. So I’m taking the metaphorical route.
In the lead-up to all this, I was going too fast, loading up too much, taking on more than I could handle. My circuitry was overloaded. I was about to explode. But my computer blew up instead of me. It’s happened twice before. My computer implodes when I need to slow down. It stops me in my tracks, holds up a mirror to myself and I face what I’m doing.
I think energy builds up when there’s too much resistance. Something implodes to create the release. And to make us stop and redirect things.
I choose to see the lesson this way. You might not. I choose to, because it’s helpful. Everything in our lives is a reflection of ourselves. My computer dramas reflect what I’m doing in my life overall – getting too wound-up, too overloaded. If I’m to be honest, my friendships and my health and the way I’m talking to the guy in the sandwich shop down the road are also reflecting what I’m doing. But I’m not noticing it. My computer dies – I notice it. The energy releases here, because it’s where I’m focusing my attention.
So I had to stop. I was forced to. For a few days I kept trying to log on and read emails. But, freakishly, my iphone also went on the blink. And I couldn’t remember any of the passwords to my offline email and my blog…they’re on my computer.
So these are a few things I reflected on about life right now:
* sometimes we just need to choose to tread far more lightly. This is as simple as waking up and deciding “light”, opting for “soft”. It’s a flavour for the day. Try this. Simply choose it as a flavour.
* when “everything goes wrong”, we’re handed a gift. It shows us that life can keep moving forward in spite of the disaster. I haven’t been able to email or do any work in six days. But – amazingly – everything has ticked along and not fallen apart. I need to see this right now.
Sometimes we need to be shown we can trust life. It steers without us. What a relief!!!
* a meltdown gets you vulnerable. It takes off the cruddy layers that keep you in the same patterns. I took advantage of this meltdown and sat with myself for a bit. And saw just how stuck I’d got.
Have you been stopped in your tracks lately, in strange, inexplicable ways? Did the strangeness of it force you to look at yourself in a new light?
Oh, and do you reckon you can choose “light” as your flavour for the rest of the day?
Oh golly, how I love this! Thank you. I need to stop. I know I do!
How awesome is the realisation.
I love this post.
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We’ve missed you Sarah, at least I have anyway!
I’m going on hols at the weekend for 10 days, and I’m going to leave my computer at home. I know it will be like coffee cravings for the first few days, and then I’ll get used to it and enjoy the slowness.
I think my computer has led me to having a very short concentration span, I’m constantly changing from window to window, checking facebook, twitter etc, often whilst doing something else at the same time. I’m going to focus on doing one thing at a time (loved that post from a while back too)
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Thank you for this post. The same exact thing happened to me two weeks ago. I am living in a foreign country, and between trying to get my computer fixed, trying to meet deadlines and a week long blackout due to a crazy thunderstorm, I completely flipped out. Then a few days ago, I decided to let go for a few days to get my head back in order. I think it was the right thing to do.
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Hi Sarah,
A similar thing happened to me last Monday… or, at least, I thought it did. There I was, in my Trusts law lecture, trying to type notes but my laptop just kept freezing and shutting down. The same thing happened in my Property law class, and then my Women’s Studies workshop.
But then when I got home, it worked perfectly. My internet browsing was smooth, I could use Microsoft Word for all my other documents, just nothing uni related… Weird, right? I’m sure there is some sort of complicated technological reason behind it but I’ll be like you, and take it as a metaphorical message…
So now I am writing all my notes, by hand, it my little notebook. I have colour-coded each of my units with different pens. I actually know what is going on in my classes! Usually, I type blindly, not actually taking in what the lecturer is saying and then cramming at the end of semester before my exams. So it is a gift, and made me realise that there is nothing wrong with taking things a little more slowly, and not being part of that furiously tapping status quo… in fact, it’s better that way.
Sarah, I so hope that they manage to recover your novel! Fingers crossed for you (and your cosmic fate)… xx
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Your book??? Fingers crossed that wasn’t the only place you’d saved it.
Dropbox is so good for easy back-up. You just drop the file in a folder on your desktop or wherever and it’s backed-up securely. Check out https://www.dropbox.com/
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My mobile phone broke a few weeks ago – just spontaneously stopped functioning halfway through a text message. No warning. I nearly had a meltdown – no calendar! no address book! no access to calls or texts for a whole 8 hours until i get home to a replacement phone! – so I feel your pain.
It turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Insurance gave me a free upgrade to a new, better and shinier phone. I learned to chill out and that the world WILL keep turning sans technology. Nothing in my life that actually means anything will disappear if I fail to micormanage it for a few hours. Huzzah!
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[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by sarah wilson, Feng Shui Living. Feng Shui Living said: Great article RT @_sarahwilson_: My computer died. So this is what I did… http://bit.ly/aa0P6J [...]
Thankyou yet again Sarah – sometimes I think you can read my thoughts! x
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Earlier this year I dislocated my knee (4 times in one week) and shortly after landed in hospital with a mystery liver virus for two-weeks. Having been away from work on sick leave as a result I’d expected to slowly return to work. Unfortunately my role was no longer available and I was unemployed. Not the greatest start to 2010, however, mostly I saw it as an opportunity (yes, there were still plenty of glum ‘woe is me’ moments). In the lead up to the end of 2009 I had been working on auto-pilot going from work, to events, home and then repeating it the next day. I wasn’t eating properly and taking care of myself was a distant memory, so now in hindsight it isn’t surprising that come February 2010 it was my liver (surprisingly, I don’t drink so it’s not alcohol related) gave me a wake-up call.
The months to now have seen me back in hospital for knee reconstructive surgery but the unemployment side of things has given me a grand opportunity to look at what I really want. Did I really want to be working so fast that life was spinning by me and I wasn’t present to take it all in? It made me reconsider my attitude to work (the office wasn’t going to fall down without me and switching off my computer each evening was where I left work). Working for myself during this time gave me the flexibility to work on myself and getting well. It also allowed me to work on projects that gave me meaning.
Interestingly, I’m now back working full-time and am slowly noticing the bad ‘auto-pilot’ habits come back to the surface. I’m becoming less and less of my own priority and my body is ensuring I know it. Stress is not my friend and I am again aware I’ve become too complacent about looking after myself.
The journey to look at myself continues as I really question what it is I want and if current work factors help or hinder the process.
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Thanks sarah I love this. I hope you don’t mind, but I posted the link on my blog as a sort of alternative view to a planet retro period coming up soon…so thankyou.
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[...] you want to read the rest of the article, it is right here. Mercury is in his shadow period now, and will station retrograde at 19 Virgo on 20/8, stationing [...]
Hi Sarah,
I just wanted to thank you for all your posts – I recently cut down my RSS reader to only the blogs I knew would be a gift to read (I found myself becoming overwhelmed by information, much of it not very helpful) and yours is at the top of my list.
Cheers,
Michelle
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What a great article. Makes me realize that I need to reboot at times and get refocused. It made me realize that i am missing a few things, worrying about things i dont need to be. Sorry about the puter blowing but thanks for the great words of inspiration
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So true. The raw moments are hard to live through. But they show us who we are and can illuminate a better path. Sounds like you handled the situation with aplomb. Wise words!
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Hi Sarah
The same thing happened to me on a few ocasions. The first was when I had a flat tyre and a speeding ticket in the same week ( I view this as a warning to slow down or have an accident or emotional/physical breakdown), and what about the time I had drafted an email ready to send the next morning and my hard drive collapsed overnight – unrecoverable! This was seen as a tragedy at the time but I view it, in my own unwaivering style, as the Universe absolutely ensuring I didn’t send the email, pariculalry when I ignored all the ‘friendly’ warnings earlier!
Thinking about all that just happened with you, I would say the warning is SLOW DOWN! or suffer the peril of your Mac and then it would be off to the people’s equivalent of a Mac workshop for you! I prefer this viewpoint other than these events show you just what you’re capable of. I think you know what you’re capable of so why need another lesson? Lessons continue for those who don’t listen. So please try and listen to the messages…
Maybe time for a holiday? Perhaps all those people who depend on you can just do without you for few weeks… Is the advice “Push out those deadlines or there might not be any Sarah to make those deadlines”? what your little Mac-daddy of a comnputer metaphoric catastophe was trying to say?…
I hope all is well soon.
Love and Light
Ed
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YES!
I was all GEARED up – in every area of my life & I mean commitment to the nth degree – an exercise programme in place & already 3 weeks in the making [that's a habit created right there & "Gold" in sight!]; It was July & I had just pen-planned “my life” right through to December…& counting! I was SUPER excited [the Gala-level kind *wink*] & I was on vacation, at the snow having a blast……& then….snap! [quite literally to boot]
And.The.Plan.Unravelled……….think luxurious red wool thread going to…..yes, the “S” word!!
Expletive followed by Expletive followed by disbelief & “How cruel!” in DIRECT relation to my 21-day habit thingy achieved damnit!
Cue me & my broken bit [Tibial plateau] & the chair……& the sofa…..& the bed…& repeat!
Oh, I fought & resisted & was in denial [alternating regularly for the sake of pure variety!] until I made that “very sensible call to Reason”! [Oh I love you Logic.........but NOT today!] Oh, yes I desperately wanted to seek out the light in this very dark hole – there HAS to be a reason right? I mean a GOOD one?! One that is going to be even BETTER than a knee intact?!!!!! Right???!!!
Well, yes & yes, but not in the way that you ever anticipate. Good thing? Absolutely.
Let.Go! aka Bend.And.Flow aka Flexible.And.Flowing – you get the idea.
That was MY affectionate-slap-in-the-face. Not to slow down or to take on less or to learn to say no et al…….It was to just to LET GO – read Control Freak Extraordinaire! Oh & let me tell you, I.DID.NOT.WANT.TO.LET.GO! Ohhhhh, noooooo….
BUT I did & to repeat my initial sentiment – Wow! Best thing. Best, best thing!
Knee is STILL wobbly, a year on, but my core is strong & my mind is sailing on a bliss-bomb! – willing to change & willing to let go.
A changed perspective is a marvellous thing, even if the shift is a mere 3% to the left. New “globe” is in & the glow is delightful. Hmmm, my ‘tastebuds’ are enjoying this new ‘flavour’!
Love hearing your stories!
Cheers
Liesl
aka lulubrownskin
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Oh no Sarah! I feel for you!
Uncannily -but not if you are in the more…esoteric side of life… this has recently happened to many people [that I know and now, know of]. Planetary alignments off? anything retrograde?
…BUT…as you say… each has felt there is a lesson to be learned and new paths to find…
“I think energy builds up when there’s too much resistance. Something implodes to create the release. And to make us stop and redirect things.”
Yes I absolutely believe this.
last year was my implosion year. I developed an intense food intolerance to everything except green vegetables and I couldn’t find a cliff… I did however manage to break my right wrist and my left fingers in a freak skiing accident. I’m right handed, was in a cast for 3 months. my ego hurt more. I’m a good skiier. Well… I thought I was.
…what really woke me up… 2 weeks after, a young girl (a ski racer) died in the same spot I had my accident.
I had a natural skincare business. I blended my own products. Pretty hard to do when you’re temporarily handicapped. I lost my sales and then my business. I work alone, didn’t delegate. The food thing… I have always eaten without guilt, actually have not kept guilt inside me for anything BUT… last year, I did.
I thought I was okay in terms of perspective but… my id… redirected me. I had no choice.
I’m still learning.
Be well Sarah.
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I understand. My former PhD supervisor, who had made my life a living hell, died last week at the age of 51. I started having panic attacks with all of the memories flooding back (and of course shock and sadness for her family at her premature death). I haven’t had a panic attack in years! This afternoon I walked into my boss’s office and asked for the leave I’ve always wanted to take, in order to study art in Europe (I’m an economist). I totally get it. It was a tough week but I knew it was an opportunity to do a major rummage through the stuff I’ve stored up. Good luck with all of your projects!!!
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I’m with you Sarah. I don’t do RSS feeds, I don’t spend all day on the computer for my job/curiosity, I work part time with a high enough hourly rate to give me a liveable wage. My microwave just blew up and I am not going to replace it, I don’t have digital tv or a dishwasher. I have a garden that ‘looks after itself’ except when I need to do some weeding, both literally and metaphorically. I have many projects that I let go of on the 1st January each year if I haven’t at least started them. And I got bored the other day. Bored – fancy that. It was cool, like a mini meditation I decided.
I wasn’t always like this, but I am now a reformed multi-tasker. I do still however have 5 email accounts but that is for practical reasons of filtering out newsletters, work and personal emails (and therefore only needing to check my personal account when I am on away). However, having said that I recently went to the Cook Islands and my mobile didn’t work, and I only checked my emails once. I was on cy-bernation as you encouraged me to do on one of your earlier blogs (I’m sure it was you??).
Anyhoo, however, despite all the above, I have been sick with the flu for a month now, after having been on a total health kick for about a year. I ran into some major turmoil – prior to getting sick – at work. (This after making a big decision last year not to leave it)… and I fell completely off the wagon, started drinking and ‘misbehaving’ ie… falling out of my centre. So now my illness stops me in my tracks and I too am taking a good look at myself, and am checking in with my inside people (I couldn’t hear them over the din I was making), and guess what… we’re ready for the change.
Thanks for reminding us we are all connected Sarah.
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I recently discovered your blog (I think through Erica’s blog – we used to work together) and have really enjoyed your posts. About 18months ago I was living inner city Sydney, dream job, dream boyfriend etc, running a million miles an hour, attending functions all the time because it was December and then bang – I got a major eye infection from overuse of contact lenses (hadn’t got to my optician to pick up new ones because I was too busy!)… Was rushed to the Eye Hospital in Macquarie Street, got something cut out of my eye and then was on antibiotic drops for 24 hours on the hour… major STOP sign.
And one of my friends said to me “you know what the eye signifies don’t you?” – ahhh, NO? “It means you don’t like what you see, you don’t like what’s in front of you”. And she was absolutely right. I didn’t and I hadn’t for a long time. 18 months later, I have travelled all over the world, worked on a superyacht, saw amazing places, met people from all walks of live (that weren’t obsessed with the hottest/latest/best new material thing) and found “me” again.
Now I am settling back into the “real” world in Brisbane, and feeling SO MUCH BETTER about everything. When I moved back everyone said, why are you going to Brisbane, when you could be in Sydney with a better job, better money etc etc. Well because I don’t want to! I don’t want to step back into that old life that consumed me. I want to enjoy this new found freedom and experience things again. I am back exercising, eating better foods, spending time with FAMILY, reconnecting with old friends, meeting their new children – so many things that in my old life I didn’t have time to do!.
So thanks for your blogs Sarah, they are inspiring and informative and always interesting.
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Sarah, Sarah, Sarah … this exact thing happened to me back at the end of May and I’ve experienced it on and off since, with really strange random technological issues, issues that are unique to me, no-one knows how to fix and are completely bamboozled by them.
The first time was so bad, I couldn’t do anything for two days, it was quite stressful but I realised that I was stuck on a merry-go-round and about to self-implode, I wrote about it on my blog when I finally could blog again and I now listen and take time out. But the awesome thing that came out of it was new ideas and taking stock and finally saying no to things and all sorts of wonderful things so I’m grateful for it, but I can feel the pull of it again and I try and step off but it’s going a bit fast, so now other random things are happening … it’s all good, I’m trying hard to listen and take notice
I love how things like this happen to force us to listen when we’re not … but in the moment, it’s incredibly difficult to let go and trust.
Thanks for sharing … we’ve definitely missed your insightful musings.
Sam
x
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Well, I kind of wish the same thing happened, but the other day instead of my computer exploding, I kind of did. I knew that I was feeling overwhelmed, stressed and time poor, but I had no idea that I was feeling quite so fraught and fragile until a screaming match with my partner ended in a big pile of tears. But I have to say, it felt good. really good. A massive weight lifted, and I finally gave myself the break I needed. But what worries me most is actively choosing to do this as and when I need, and NOT on the back of a meltdown…How do we do that…?!!
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I have gone through half a month of things going consistently wrong and not the way that I have planned it. I have to say that this article has been a continue reminder for me that things happen for a reason and me having to leave my apartment because my roommate gave our 30 day notice without consulting me and not getting the apartment because my new potential roommate didn’t have the money to put down a holding deposit or application fee.. means that this is not what should be happening right now for me. Although this time scares me since I just graduated from graduate school and have little job opportunities available to me… makes me wonder… if a break is what i need. I can’t force life to do exactly what I want all the time. Although it seems like throughout this month that I have had all of sudden exciting opportunities come me and then (like the apartment) have them sweep away from me when I have done the work.
I can’t control these things and the person inside of me.. wants to so bad.
I have hated who I have become from all of this stress. And I don’t feel like I am living my life completely. This is just not what I have imaged and I need to just slow down and let things happen to me and not grab onto the reins as if I was going to fall off.
I am almost reaching my exploding point and I don’t want to run away from these problems by giving up and moving home because I can’t support myself.
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Saturday afternoon, waiting on Oxford street to get the home.
Our bus was meant to come every ten minutes or so, but after 35minutes of waiting it was enough.
Thinking we’d outsmart the other punters by getting the tube, as we headed to the station TWO number 10′s went past! We ran back but missed them.
Getting off at the next tube station to connect, they announced that Piccadilly Circus was now CLOSED due to over crowding! We trapsed around for ages trying to get somewhere but all our efforts failed.
After TWO HOURS and the f*ck-around-of-a-lifetime we were back where we began at the original bus stop.
Waiting PATIENTLY this time. I think the lesson was obvious..
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