monday awakening: the best reason I’ve ever found for backing the f*ck off. Yeah!
Sometimes you hear something that makes a penny drop.
You see, yesterday I was listening to an podcast about longevity and the point was made that a lot of us will live to well over 100. 120, 130…seriously. This factoid changed my day. I’m still carrying with me the tingle off the bouncing coin.
Three things:
1. Given I have, potentially, 90 years left to go, then WHAT’S THE BLOODY RUSH? Why not back off a little? Take my time. My God! Yes! I don’t have to achieve it all by 40. I’ll need to save some fun for when I’m 80. You can’t begin to understand what a load off my being this is. Or perhaps you can? Most of my pain and discord comes from rushing…and feeling time is slipping past me. There is another way to look at this. Quelle relief, hey!?
2. If the secret to living longer is to be well and to eliminate stress as much as possible (and it is – Dan Buettner’s work on centenarians proves this), then Point 1 applies doubly so…back the fork off!!! Let’s pace ourselves. It’s kind of perfectly ironic, isn’t it. To live longer so we can justify stressing less, we need to stress less.
The clear message: just choose to start stressing less. Be gentle. Choose wellness.
Because, of course, not everyone will live to 130. In fact, the world is likely to be quite starkly divided into those who die young (obesity, heart disease etc) and those who don’t.
3. If we’re going to be on the planet so long, then it might be a good idea to actually do something that makes us happy. Something that makes us happy, as opposed to something that has to be perfected, mastered ASAP so we can buy that house ASAP and kick goals before we rust and die at 62.
All good wake-up calls.
* Two hundred years ago life expectancy was in the late 30s, 100 years ago it was in the 50s or so. Now it’s roughly 80. That’s average.
* In the US there are 70,000-plus people who are over 100…50 per cent more than just a decade ago.
It’s a choice, not an inevitability, all this. Live in the cycle of stress and stimulants and toxic food and get it all done faster…but also get there faster. Or be well and back the fork off!!
I’m fired up. I’m making choices this week…stay tuned. You?
Very eye-opening! May I add a #4…
4. If we’re going to be on this planet so long, we might as well take care of it.
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As a 53 year old who thought she was running out of time, this was a great stress free read!
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This is a great thought but not so easy to put into practice. I look forward to reading about your choices Sarah! Longevity is one thing, but my problem is…. If only us girls were able to relax over our body clocks – this is something we actually can’t just “back off” from, unless we don’t actually want a family.
It’s the one and only reason why anxiety makes it’s evil way into my gut over being a 31 year old female with a promising career and a new boyfriend – and my fears are in the following order – on top, that my relationship will fall apart and I’ll be single again for the next 10 years and lose my chance at having a family (but at least I can pursue my career..) – and next in line, that I start a family soon and lose my chance at making some big steps in my career before it’s too late (but at least I have a family..). Aargh.. I know what’s meant to happen will happen, but I wish we didn’t have this time limit imposed on us.
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This was exactly the message I needed today. Thanks Sarah!
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Needless to say, the “penny dropped”… thank you Sarah.
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[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by sarah wilson, Laura Curtis and Laura Curtis, Sally Branson. Sally Branson said: RT @_sarahwilson_: monday awakening: the best reason I’ve ever found for backing the f*ck off. Yeah! http://bit.ly/9t16e0 [...]
Do you think some of this push to “get there now” is societal? If I stop, breath, listen to the moment around me, the anxiety about pushing forward at a sharp pace goes immediately. But too often (and though I obviously love technology and it’s ability to put me into contact with people I mightn’t otherwise have met), plugging in to the frenetic pace going on around me gets me feeling like I better keep up for fear of “missing something”.
That saying about the teacher appearing as the student needs the lesson? Yeah, you’ve just turned light bulb on for me…Cheers!
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I have never really understood the need to set age specific deadlines for achievements. I am 50 but I know that I need to accept some thing will not happen for me. I will never have children or own a home. I accept this a move on to what is possble and makes me happy. Letting go to things reduces stress.
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#5. If we’re going to be on this planet so long, we might as well take care of each other too
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What an eye-opener! I knew we were living longer but I didn’t know the life expectancy over the next couple of decades. As someone who is rushing to get the ‘perfect life’ ASAP, this was a great snippet of information to digest. Thank you!
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Oh my goodness… Alison you could be me!! I’m 31 and in exactly the same position. I am craving babies and marriage so badly, i’m frightened i’m not going to get them… and my fear is causing me to be negative and pressure my boyfriend, and who knows, I may even end up driving him away.
It’s so hard – the having children part, because we DO have a time limit. I would like to still be fit and active when my children are in their 20′s, you know?
What to do though… let go and accept that things will fall into place in their own time? But what if they don’t? *sigh* It’s so difficult really.
Rosie
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I am finding this SUCH A BIG ISSUE for everyone around me in their twenties. My mother’s generation seemed to want a house and a family eventually, maybe some travlling one day, and I grew up watching that. Then all of a sudden my generation hits and everything has to be epic. Not only do we want to travel, we want an entire year or more spent throroughly exploring the globe. We need at least one degree, ideally more. We dont want a house, we want an investment portfolio of several. We want a career AND a family AND hobbies AND interests outside all of that. We can’t just get married, we need the Hollywood wedding that is not only traditional and conforming to expectations but “unique and different” and therefore better than what our friends had. For a while there I was happy to work in a retail fashion outlet, as managing a team was really stimulating but not as financially rewarding. The result amongst my peers was often SHOCK HORROR – you are 21 and dont have a mortgage yet? Why not? Aren’t you worried you will leave it too late?? Nevermind that a lot of the people who thought like that are now, 6 years later, regret that thinking. I know people who are already married and divorced by 24. In what crazy world are we allowing ourselves to exist???
It’s something I like to refer to as “Grave Racing” – the desire amongst people my age to compete to be the first to do everything, as if the opportunities will simply cease to exist if we dont do them NOW and BEFORE ANYONE ELSE.
The only time I really feel that desire is when I think of all the places in the world I haven’t travelled. Which is ridiculous… but it’s still there.
Thank you for the article Sarah. Really well thought out and as weird as this sounds – Im so glad YOU said it, you always look like you have your shit together so neatly and it’s a relief to know other people (even media personalities!) feel that way.
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Thankyou Sarah for writing this today – I needed to hear this message! Today is my last day in my 20s – big 3-0 tomorrow – and I am characteristically reflective of the things that I have (and have not) achieved. I relate to what Alison and Rosie have shared. I had an age-specific deadline of becoming a mother by now but things haven’t exactly gone to plan. I have however achieved many ‘other’ things – I have numerous university degrees, have travelled the world and have held numerous management positions – the current of which keeps me very busy! Similar to you, I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s earlier this year and I know my pace needs to change; I resonate with Mia’s term of ‘grave racing’! However, while I could possibly back the force off with some pursuits, I can not accept the possibility of not having the life I have always dreamed of, and fear that I am also running out of time to get there…
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love this realisation. some things are so obvious, yet we seem to have the wool pulled over our eyes. thanks for an enlightening monday! looking forward to hearing about your changes. i hope you inspire me to make changes in my life – of which i have no doubt.
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More on this topic please Sarah. Thank you.
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There’s a guy living in Phoenix AZ that just celebrated his 109th b-day, he is working on his second book, he works full time doing health/lifestyle consultations, he walks 2 miles every morning, lives on a vegan raw food diet, and is in the process of opening his own raw food restaurant. That is the life I want at 109!
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Is it sad that the first thing that pops into my mind when I hear this is retirement savings? Granted, we’re living 30 years longer which gives us more time to work (hopefully at a job we love), but I wonder how this will impact folks who are on an age-based retirement plan.
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sarah
This was very pertinent to me this week as have just realised I was also in the ‘race’ and needed to jusy say ‘stop’ slow down and relax into my own ‘pace’. Id bought into the whole societies ideas that by now, at 35 I must have 2.4 kids, a happy marriage, travelled well and be ‘rushing’ and soooo busy when anyone asked. What a slap in the face that Ive just got divorced, am now a ‘single parent’, have two very small kids (18 months and four), sold the family home, rent, and work part time in a job (is it a career?) that doesnt satisfy but pays the bills. Yes, I made the the ‘baby boat’ but didnt sign up for single parenthood which is a whole other ballgame.
However if your always striving to move forward I also discovered I was never stopping to appreciate what Id learned and maybe make smarter, slower choices and improve the ‘quality’ of my life – after all I have another 70 plus years?!!
There is a great talk on ted.com about attaching to the process rather than the outcome to be happy…
http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/srikumar_rao_plug_into_your_hard_wired_happiness.html
Its hard to go against societies grain of ‘more, faster, better’ but you gotta dance to your own tune and hopefully dance longer…
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Brilliant. And necessary. Taking it to heart… now.
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I’m only 21 and I’m already thinking these things – I’m already a quarter of the way through my life and what have I done? I better hurry up! You’re right, we should slow down and take it easy. Take care of ourselves.
I’d love to check out that podcast if you want to share it with us though!
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I like some of the comments here as they strike a chord.
I too grew up with many societal pressures and expectations. I wanted to be married at 28, have my own practice at 30.
Over 35 now, I have no husband, no kids, don’t have a house nor mortgage; maybe I should not get out of bed tomorrow?
Often I wonder if there is something wrong with me when my peers are busy with husbands, kids, schools, meetings, house hunting, and here I am – eating pop corns watching I am Love and read satre with latte at St Ali.
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October 15th, 2010 at 11:07 am
Everything is right with you Skygreen. Those with the husbands, kids, schools etc sometimes wonder if they should be doing what you’re doing too you know..
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October 19th, 2010 at 11:35 am
Latte and Satre at a cafe? Sounds good to me. Just keep getting out of bed in the mornings.
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My friend used to say to me, that if she could take her time and live til around 130, she’d like to have kids at about 60 or 70. OK, so that’s not gonna happen, but it reflected the pressure we feel to achieve everything, and in record time.
The rush rush rush to do do do, is really so stressful, but what is fuelling it? Some social machine that pushes and pushes at us to be something we aren’t really designed to endure?
There is this great social movement that is about sloooooowwing down, to allow ourselves to develop and to enjoy life at a pace that is mindful and more real.
I think society has got itself into such a tiz about staying on the go, and now that is spiralling back to a different focus as many people realise it just doesn’t work.
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