sunday life: how to really have a holiday
This week I have the holiday you have when you’re not having a holiday
On Friday, there I am, in Bali, on holiday, having a pedicure. Which is kind of the bourgeois equivalent of getting Bo Derek braids. Two hours and 15 minutes later, there I still(!!) am, having a pedicure. Sujatmi, the all-smiles Balinese girl attending my toes, couldn’t have gone slower without going backwards.
Being the Bourgeois, Uptight Westerner with A Week Off (a BUWWO?) that I am, such a protracted scenario would normally see me commit hari kari. I’d be a mess, fretting about all the nasi gorengs I could be eating and the white beaches I could be strolling. Everyone else is having The Perfect Holiday, is what I’d be thinking, while I’m bloody-well having my calluses scraped at glacial speed.
But on this occasion I remain calm. So much so that three hours later when the polish smears everywhere and sand granules get mooshed into the tacky mix I laugh. Why? Because this holiday I’m having the holiday you have when you stop trying to have a holiday.
Holidays are hard. And operate to some freaky Murphy’s–style laws. You don’t get sick all year, but get the flu the moment you flick on your annual leave auto-reply. You over-pack, but a cold snap sees you wear the same long-sleeved outfit the entire week. You hang out for the break all year, but when you’re actually on it, you can’t appreciate it. It’s like having a massage (which is the bourgeois equivalent of a henna tattoo) – when you finally have one you can’t relax into it because you’re anxiously anticipating it coming to an end. That, or you’re too busy micromanaging the therapist’s pressure point technique.
Yes, holidays are damn hard, particularly if you’re a BUWWO. We’re so used to controlling every iota of our lives, we can’t go with the holiday flow and take rest; it’s too violent a gear change. I know someone who, off for a “relaxing break”, divided the island of Kauai into quadrants, with corresponding activities to be completed in 1.5 days per quadrant. But when the car broke down leaving her stranded poolside at a tranquil resort she went into meltdown.
Then there’s Perfect Holiday Syndrome, which kicks in around day two when we realize our sojourn is not resembling the Country Road catalogue we thought it would (handsome couples beachcombing in comfy knits and eating barbeque prawns from lime green platters). Being around other holidaying folk (and the laid-back Balinese) only compounds things. The contrast exposes our own attachment to expectations and inability to chill. Which hurts. It really does.
As my work mate Clint, just said to me over the phone, we often need a holiday to get over a holiday.
But what if, dear reader, we skipped the first holiday? If we didn’t over-research accommodation or cram in five stopovers in as many days? And instead cut straight to the restful, go-with-flow holiday? Well, this week, that’s precisely what I did.
This entailed three steps I gleaned from a range of self-help sites. First I minimized decisions and options. At every turn I took the simplest path, letting circumstances dictate. I had to go to Bali for a wedding, ergo Bali was my holiday destination. (Ideally I would’ve stayed closer to home, minimizing airport drama and carbon miles.) Then I reduced my aim for the trip to this: to rest. And rest only. I left my surfboard at home, even my ipod. I took running shoes, but fate stepped in: I forgot to pack the innersoles. I didn’t visit temples; I got massages.
The second step was to relinquish control. I usually Google the bejusus out of a destination. This time I asked my friend Sam who knows Bali well to book accommodation. I didn’t even ask the name of the place. I just rocked up. Then, for the entire 10 days, I didn’t look at a map and went with whatever suggestions were planted before me. Harvard psychologists found recently that the happiest outcomes emerge when we defer to the advice of others who’ve “been there, done that”, rather researching a decision ourselves. They also found we tend to overestimate our enjoyment of experiences we so pedantically research. This “affective forecasting” sees us cruising for a bruising letdown. Hence, Perfect Holiday Syndrome.
Which leads me to the final step: once there, expect nothing. And see what happens.
FYI…I spent part of my holiday in Canggu at Desa Seni. Thought I’d share some pictures of the place. It’s an eco resort for people who don’t like resorts…the pool is salt water, the huts are rustic and decked out in the most eclectic manner, plus the gardens are pretty much an intricate latticework of organic vegetables tended all day with love. Eighty per cent of the food from the kitchen is made from produce grown on the property. Also, it’s a yoga retreat and they have some amazing teachers pass through. The yoga studio is set in the middle of the garden and butterflies join in the asanas. As I say, I truly do recommend the place…and I haven’t been paid to say so!
That really is the best advice when going on holiday, to just go with the flow, otherwise you’re just taking your everyday life stress with you on your holiday…
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I usually get sick, try to cram in too much, and feel guilty if it’s not GO GO GO
The manager at Golden Door called it FOMO – Fear of Missing Out
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[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by richmond and Julie Smits, sarah wilson. sarah wilson said: sunday life: how to really have a holiday http://bit.ly/aWQFg4 [...]
wilson, i concur. am SUCH a msaaasive planner, but with my nine month sojourn in SA in sight (WOOT WOOT!) i am deliberately with-holding the spreadsheet in the hope of a happier, healthier break. only tine will tell – wish me luck! x
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Sarah *looks at her suspiciously* have you been reading my diary? I’m going on holiday tomorrow – a week in Port Douglas – and this was just what I needed to hear. Spooky.
Thank you.
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oH Myyyy
I love this article so very much.
Thanks Sarah I posted a picture of a tree for you in my blog (which is not my own pic)but still ><
Take a look at this video
http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=6902333n&tag=contentMain;contentBody/
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I contracted a bowel infection about 7 hours into a 40-hour flight marathon, somewhere over Cairns in the Sydney-LA leg of my Perth – Texas journey. Which ended up with several days spent in a Texan hospital at the very start of my holiday. I spent the rest of the trip on serious medication which saw me barely able to eat and unable to drink alcohol in Las Vegas when the rest of my party were having a drunken blast. So trust me when I say I absolutely agree with you about holiday plans that can go awry!
I still had the time of my life, and attribute that to what is sometimes called the F***-It Factor. As in saying – stuff it, what’s the worst that can happen? And then going with the flow. There is nothing like the simple pleasure of knowing the worst than can happen, isn’t actually so bad!
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Oh yes, this is probably why I love holidaying with my family so much, because they make all the decisions for me and I just go with the flow.
The eco-resort looks divine.
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I can SOOOO relate to this – right down to the massage vs henna tattoo or pedicure vs hair braiding. And the minute the massage starts you are already anxious to get to the next item on your to do list.
Going with the flow sounds awesome!
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Tried planning a holiday once… South East Asia two months, four countries. By day four I was running behind ‘schedule’. My new plan? Just to make it to Bangkok in time for my return flight.
It’s the only way to go—you miss out on more when your head is stuck in the Lonely Planet all the time. Not knowing makes every minutes an adventure. Sheesh, now I want a holiday…
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I just returned from four weeks in Europe and felt so relieved to read this article!
Before I left everyone was telling me it would be “the trip of a lifetime” and yet I spent the majority of the time waiting for the magic moments to arrive. Without my hyperactive Blackberry addicted work schedule I felt completely lost. But the worst part was feeling as though there was something wrong with me because I wasn’t having as much fun as I thought I should be – as much fun as everyone said I would have.
Upon returning to Sydney I made the decision to be honest with people when they ask me about my holiday. It was good but I am happy to be home. I liked Europe but I also love Sydney. Travel is a must but within any trip there are good moments and there are bad ones too.
I have been amazed by how many people agree with me. Those who previously told me their time in Paris was the best time of their life have now admitted that they had trouble winding down, felt like outcasts when they couldn’t grasp the language and were happy to be back in their comfort zones when returning home.
Next trip I will allow myself to take it as it comes and not stress out when every minute of every day isn’t perfect.
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Love this piece Sarah. I am definitely one who anticipates the end of the massage during the massage. Great advice.
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A young boy and his father went out fishing one nice morning. After a few quiet hours out in the boat, the boy became curious about the world around him. He looked up at his dad and asked “How do fish breath under water?” His dad thought about it for a moment, then replied “I really don’t know, son.” The boy sat quietly from another moment, then asked his father again, “How does our boat float on the water?” Once again his dad answered, “Don’t know, son.” Pondering his thoughts again, a short while later, the boy asks “Why is the sky blue?” Again, his dad answered, “Don’t know, son.” The inquiring boy, worried he was disturbing his dad, asks this time “Dad, do you mind that I’m asking you all of these questions?” “Of course not son”, replied his father, “How else are you ever going to learn anything?”
Don’t you think that many posts and even whole internet resources are much alike this story?
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