Sunday Life: a *really* effective way to get rest (and heal)
This week I try Intentional Resting
There’s always been something about me that inspires a reflexive need in others – even complete strangers in Medicare queues – to tell me to relax. When you’re not a relaxed person, being told to “Hey, just relax” is like being a leopard and ordered to not have spots. And prompts a largely unrelaxed response. “I DON’T DO RELAXED!” I once yelled at a smug ‘lax pusher. “EXCITED, MOTIVATED, FOCUSED, YES! BUT RELAXED JUST ISN’T PART OF MY EMOTIONAL REPERTOIRE…OK!?”. (Apologies for the loud caps, BTW). I only just restrained myself from pointing out that their suggestion was akin to my telling them to “Hey, fire up and get interesting”.
But slowly, over the years, I’ve released the pressure valve. I was forced to after an adrenal collapse four years ago (although it took a while to get the full gist of the idea; my initial attempts involved climbing Machu Picchu and moving to New York). In the past few months I’ve turned the decompression dial down even further. I’ve been learning to rest. Rest is a bit like relaxed, but even better.
We all need to learn to rest. We’re certainly all tired. Arianna Huffington argues tiredness is an epidemic and was responsible for the GFC. But sleep alone isn’t enough for maintaining even basic health argues Dr Matthew Edlund, author of The Power of Rest. We’ll get eight hours and still feel like we’re dragging our sorry bums through quicksand. We need to rest as a state of being. Because for most of us our default state of being is frenetic, toggling, never-ceasing activity. We force our way through roadblocks, control outcomes and resist the natural flow of things. So much resistance and… egghhness… is tiring to the core.
When things don’t work out, we force harder. I read that when things don’t work out for animals they curl up and rest. And perhaps try again in a bit. Funnily, I read this just before heading off last week for a few days break in the Byron hinterland. It rained. And rained. I couldn’t surf. Or bushwalk. So I curled up and rested. Reading in a hammock is resting. A rare afternoon nap is resting. But since I had the time – and was completely, right-down-to-the-calluses-on-my-big-toe buggered from the year that was – I sunk into the topic deeper to find the best way to really rest.
Which is how I came upon Intentional Resting, a technique developed by Dan Howard after years of trying to find a simple tool “even truck drivers can use”. Howard lives in Utah and “rides mules in the mountains” and wears the expression of a toddler who’s just woken from a nap. We chat on Skype and he talks me through IR. It works like this (you can do it with me now or watch the video at intentionalresting.com): close your eyes and find somewhere in your body or mind where you’re feeling tension or pain. Me, it’s in my neck. Focus on this spot. Now try to fix it. It doesn’t work, right. Now try ignoring it. Again, the tension’s still there. OK, now try saying to yourself, gently, “I’m resting for my neck now”. Hold this awareness for about 30 seconds. Then feel into your body.
As it bucketed down a menagerie of pets outside I test the technique. It works. It’s like I “drop” into rest. Plonk! A bit like the suction-like click of an Apple Mac power cord as you connect it to the socket. When I feel into my body, the tension oozes away, downwards, and a sweetness takes over. On a cellular level, resting abates the tightness and allows our organs to stretch out and heal. And for juiced-up energy to flood in.
I tried doing the same technique but using the word “relax”. It doesn’t work. Relax seems like a bossy commandment. “Rest is a peaceful invitation, to drop into your being,” says Howard. “It’s spacious and allowing”. He says the “now” part of the instruction ensures focus.
Those so inclined can sign up for his 30-day course which shows you how to rest deeper, layer by layer (“resting for the anxiety that’s caused the neck pain”). And then to use the technique to rest through specific issues, like an immune deficiency or anger. As each area of tension rests, you unfurl. And your poor little frenzied, controlled, forced and tired self sighs relief.
Do you rest? Can you? Can you stop and lie on the floor for 20 minutes?
And do you get what I say when I describe that “dropping”? Can you access it? If so, how?
Fantastic article Sarah, I’m glad you went looking for a better way to rest…and that it rained during your trip (sorry). Thanks to the rain you got proper rest and we get motivated to rest, really rest. Motivated and rest seem like oxymoron’s don’t they? Maybe we can be both motivated and resting at the same time- must they really be polarised?
I can’t get enough of this kind of ‘rest’ talk that makes me feel better about being so damn tired (thanks to thyroid & over thinking)…the thyroid can heal, so long as I heal my busy bossy mind. I have heard the warning from a wise voice inside: you push your body, your body will push you (into learning balance and rest, the not fun forced way). I am glad this message is being reinforced here. With sincerity, Thank-you for being courageous and wise enough to listen to your inner wisdom, honour your body and share with us!
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Yup. I know that “dropping” feeling. It’s like meditating when you are tense and then all a sudden, everything works. It’s like you just fell through the floor into a land of marshmallows and pillows and only soft cosy things.
I know what you mean about people telling you to relax. It’s like people telling you to cheer up when you are depressed – it usually has the opposite effect, combined with making you want to smack them in the back of the head.
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[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by sarah wilson, Alison Triffett and Andréa Gonzalez, Foodies Online. Foodies Online said: #Foodies Sunday Life: a *really* effective way to get rest (and heal) http://ow.ly/1aZ9y4 [...]
Thanks Sarah, this is a great article and I understand completely. As with many of your posts, it is very timely for me, thankyou. Last week was a particularly ‘challenging’ week and this weekend I have mostly just rested. I was well overdue for a yoga session on Saturday…a good 1.5 hr session helps me ‘drop’… and then I just came home and rested. I cleared the calendar and just decided to shutdown for a while. I find it necessary for just letting things settle, to let my ‘poor little frenzied, controlled, forced and tired self sigh relief’
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I too hate it when people tell me to relax! Look forward to trying the above – even if it is for 20 mins before bed each night!
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Good post Sarah and I entirely relate. It was my yoga teacher who taught me how to really rest by using the yoga nidri relaxation technique. Before then I could not have lain on the floor motionless for 20-30 minutes. But a good session of that leaves me so relaxed that I feel like I am melting into the floor yet invigorated afterwards.
I had bowel surgery several years ago. Once I was no longer stoned out of my skull on morphine, still feeling tired and with nothing else to do, I practiced the same technique a couple of times a day, concentrating on getting well. Hospital staff were amazed how quickly I was recovering and actually discharged me early.
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Great post Sarah!
Like you, I have a lot of trouble relaxing and just switching off. I’m a huge fan of Andrew Johnson and his iphone apps:
http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/relax-andrew-johnson-deep/id303609195?mt=8
Have you tried them? They really do the trick by using very similar word triggers like the ones you mentioned above. And that Scottish accent – so relaxing.
Also recently discovered this:
http://www.donothingfor2minutes.com/
Great if you’re stuck at your desk (I tend to leave it on in the background just to listen to the waves).
p.s. the two links in your post aren’t working – they take me to a 404 page.
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Last year I went away for a few days to Kingscliff spring turned to winter. Temperatures plummeted rain poured down it was perfect. No pressure (from me) to run along the sand each day or climb Mt. Warning (both were on the “agenda”). Nope, instead I rested while I took my cup of tea back to bed after waking to read my book, napped in the afternoon and watched almost the entire first season of True Blood.
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ive been trying to do this lately and get more rest – however i can. sometimes i feel i just need a really good sleep. i switch of all the mod cons – phone etc and just sleep – its great. i think my housemates tend to find me rude for doing so but its way better than being a hyped up super tired grumpy room mate.
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this week i decided to do a yoga “intensive” with my students based very loosely on Yin yoga……and exploring the art of slowing down our movements, extending our breath. it is the end of the holidays ……most of my clients have children so the holidays are sometimes a double edged sword!! I thank you for this timely piece….i invite them usually to melt their muscles on the exhale, but i explored the “rest” and “relax” scenario…….it has worked a treat. even as the teacher i think i was in a much better state at the end of the class!! Thank u!
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January 30th, 2011 at 7:50 am
Hey Mon, I’m glad! I’ve been using it, too. Something inherent in the word alone….rest….x
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[...] Every day I “rest intentionally” Reading in a hammock is resting. A rare afternoon nap is resting. But since I had the time [...]
I meditate for an hour a day, and I do that hour in one hit. It takes practice, and when I laps because of interest in something compelling, gee I miss it so much.
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Sarah!
Please keep the AI issues coming you have no idea how theraputic it is to feel connected to someone else that has similar issues!
I know you write this over 2 years about but I am just finding your blog now. In just one day you have become an AMAZING inspiration to me you have no idea! I have an AI as well and I am also a high strung stress case NO DOUBT! I had a very traumatic and abusive childhood and young adulthood so I truly believe that is what triggered my problems…I’ve also gone gluten free which has gone a long way to help my AI skin issues. Anyway I had to post here because so many things you say hit so close to home for me in so many ways. People are alwas telling me “just relax” which sets me off the same way as you so I found that quite amusing, if it was only that easy….LOL Anyway I am going to give the intentional resting a shot I get horribly huge knots in my neck and upper back and shoulders from the “stress pack” I wear on my back treking through life the little stress mule that I am
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