VVG does great things for me. I love that he once painted a chair. Just a chair. A worthless chair. But he captured the “isness” of it so gloriously that it became a work of art worth an incomprehensible fortune.
This quote, though, takes things up a notch:
“If you hear a voice within you say “you cannot paint,” then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.” – Vincent van Gogh
Now, how grand is that!? Doubts emerge about things we care about. This is a good thing to recognise. We don’t doubt whether we can tie a shoelace. We doubt big, important, visceral things that are integral to our being and our uniqueness.
My doubts overwhelm me. Boy! I’m stalled almost hourly by them. You would’ve gathered that by now. But I’m learning that when I doubt something in me, it means it matters. And that my doubt – that voice within – is really just calling out so I listen to what matters…that I attend to it.
That’s point one.
Point two: we rise beyond the doubt by meeting it with it’s counterpoint. My fear that my writing is shit (which pipes up EVERY SINGLE DAY) is only overcome by engaging in the writing…toiling and tinkering and improving. I’m only JUST learning this. I’m learning to recognise the struggle that goes on. That it’s not a struggle that’s trying to break me. It’s one to rise up to. We run our best when there’s someone to race against. I make my most coherent points at a dinner party attended by big minds.
The fear and doubt quieten as I start to write because I’m attending to this thing that for some perverse, self-flagellating reason I CARE ABOUT. I’m not ignoring it, walking away from it. I’m meeting it face on.
I’ve found this, in recent days, a great comfort. Plus, mercury is no longer in retrograde (not that I profess to know what that means, but it did end on Saturday night and I can tell you…I felt a massive shift) and it’s time to tinker and toil and engage with what matters to us!
Tell me, did you feel a shift? Are you ready to tinker with what you doubt in yourself? Do you agree that the the things you doubt are the VERY things that matter to you most?!
Hi Sarah,
I couldn’t agree more – thank you so much for writing this today!
This post comes after yet another night where I was awake into the small hours trying to make one of the biggest decisions of my life. With great DOUBT. It’s a decision that will be 100% mine, one that many close to me don’t, and can’t understand. A decision that has been put to me after a serious of health issues that have made me realise how short life is and how much of it I am not living the way I know I need to.
Time to change direction, time to progress into unchartered waters. I am scared. The consequences are big if I do it. Big if I don’t.
Your blog this morning gives me strength to live a life of true authenticity.
Thank you Sarah
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April 27th, 2011 at 1:30 pm
Dharma, enjoy the rawness from the sleepless night. It will provide freshness and emotional cues…speaking as someone who often doesn’t sleep!
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Totally!
I doubt all the time, it’s annoying.
I’m with you on this, I hear that little voice at every juncture “you’re to small to play ice hockey, your voice sounds terrible when you sing, you can’t eat a burrito as big as your head” but if I just do it, the little voice is silenced.
Where does that voice come from and why isn’t there a voice encouraging me?
It’s interesting reading this because now my doubts and fears are about my relationship, my career and my ability to be creative, if I apply the VVG quote, I should be stoked because it means I care about those things right?
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April 27th, 2011 at 1:30 pm
I reckon so!
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Timely again, thank you Sarah!
Comes when I am stepping into fears and doubts about setting up a my own biz, starting to write a blog, wanting to make some big changes. I am just going to get messy with it.
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Wow Sarah,
I just realised this last week… why am I so confident about things I don’t give a shit about and so doubtful with the things I do? When it really matters, I shake with fear and avoid it like hell.
Saw this the other day- my favourite part from an 8-part series called Human Planet on the BBC one… kinda shakes away a bit of my fear. Truly, truly beautiful.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3W_iMve4xvg&feature=BFa&list=SPE4BF69F24F311D9B&index=11
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That is a wonderful quote. I feel like this directly correlates with being a scanner. I am constantly second guessing myself and coming up with excuses/reasoning/logic as to why I cannot accomplish x, y, z goal or dream of mine. Doubt is of course only one of the road blocks that prevent me from following through, but it is a big one. I think it has a place, and like you kind of explained, it can challenge you and pull you out of your comfort zone into achievements you’ve never dreamt of. I think it also helps to have people in your life that can see through your pessimism, squish those doubts, and encourage you.
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April 27th, 2011 at 1:31 pm
Such people are treasures…I can’t believe how patient my friends are with my confidence plummets!
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Great post, thanks! And I absolutely Love that photo!!!!
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Hey Sarah,
This is totally bizaare! I read everything you write (none crap mind you) and am always nodding in agreement, hi-fiving the computer… but todays post all about doubting ourselves and the best way to fight that is to just jump in, well i’m not only hi-fiving your blog, i’m taking it out to dinner. I have really turned that into my whole philisophy. It was one of your earlier posts about blogging that led me to start really writing, just to get amongst it all and to stop thinking and just do.
Surprisingly, I did feel a giant shift on the weekend and wrote a really important letter that involves some pretty huge life decisions (and hopefully changes).. which I have probably put off writing for about a year, because of the whole self doubt thing. And I didn’t even know about mercury, so there you go. And it’s definitely all about what matters most.
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April 27th, 2011 at 1:32 pm
That sent shivers up my arm x
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Hi Sarah,
What great thoughts – I just read a brilliant (and free via kindle and the Domino Project) book by Steven Pressfield called “Do the Work” – highly recommended to get unstuck by the way – that mentions VVG as well. He apparently knew his mission was “to give happiness by creating beauty” and also reportedly told his brother “blessed is he who has found his work”.
Steven’s main point from Do the Work is “start before you are ready” (implication is that you can never be ready), but you can only stare down the beast of resistance with action.
Anyway, the book is a pretty quick read and brilliant (and free)
Good luck! Cate
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April 27th, 2011 at 4:45 pm
Thanks Cate, just downloaded it, will read it tonight. “Ready, fire, aim” is another great philosophy (except when you’re flying an F-18 of course!).
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Learn to silence the chattering monkeys Sarah. They’re most active at night.
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I find dear old Vinnie something of an inspiration. He allegedly didn’t sell anything in his lifetime, although I understand he bartered a painting or two for food and lodging, but he just kept painting and painting. And so I must keep writing and writing. At least I’m ahead of Vinnie on the scorecard – I have sold my writing and even a single artwork! woo hoo. But I wonder if that means that I shall have to cut off both ears rather than just one, in order to keep ahead of Vinnie Van Gee?
Every writer feels like their work is crap at least at some point or other (and sometimes it very much is!). Judging by what you post in your blog, you can definitely write so tell that inner voice to go shove itself up its rectal orifice.
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I felt the shift! I didn’t know about Mercury, or what it was, but I woke on Sunday feeling… Hopeful.
Thanks for another interesting post. I admire you for being so open about your self doubts.
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I feel like this post has come at the right time. I doubt myself a lot, to which my boyfriend & friends have told me that I’m too hard on myself. I’m a drummer & have a big gig coming up, which is making me nervous, due to fumbles & mistakes I’ve made in the past. I’m doubting my ability to do that which I love so much. So much so the thought at times has crossed my mind to just give it up. But what you’re saying is so true, it’s because it means so much to me that I doubt it (plus I’m way too stubborn to give up without a fight!). I know what I’m like when I *don’t* drum… It feeds both my body & soul. Love that quote, thanks so much for sharing it.
I’ve felt the shift in Mercury too. I’m a Virgo, which is ruled by Mercury, so I always feel its retrogrades. Mercury rules communication, so as a writer it possibly has a lot of influence in your life (would be interesting to look at your chart!). When it’s in retrograde, communication isn’t as easy – things can be misinterpreted, or the message is missed. Or the computer can crap out & lose your work!
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As someone who has had problems with an inner ear/balance disorder, I am fascinated by the suggestion I have seen that van Gogh might have suffered from a vestibular disorder. Makes sense to me. I have a small print of the chair and pipe in my study, because I like the play on the artist being present. As for doubts, I received what I think is good advice at one point, which is to always talk to myself as though I were talking to a beloved friend. It works! When you step outside of yourself for a second it’s easy to see the “Why ever not?” rather than the fear. As a result, I have taken an extended leave from my job and am in Italy. I’m writing, reading, studying Italian…not because I’m any good, but because I’m human and I want to be here, in this life. Who matters more than the person inside who knows what she wants to do? I really believe that “just doing” leads one organically to a great place. But then you wrote very well about this the other day. Best of luck! (Sorry-typing very inadequately on a kindle!)
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Wow. Sarah, this is one of your best and most important pieces of writing yet. I’ve read it about six times today and have bookmarked it for future reference. This post left
me feeling so calm, hopeful and positive. I didn’t feel the shift on Saturday but I felt a shift after reading your post! I don’t want to sound like a gushy, over the top drama queen but the ideas you have presented here are potentially life-changing.
Thank you for your openness and eloquence. Your writing is wonderful, please keep sharing it with us!
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April 27th, 2011 at 8:26 pm
Grace, I kept going back to this post all day long also. Think of all those times we have sat there thinking “no way, I can’t do that, stop that, put that idea away..” It all stops right now. If everyone here was in a bar, i’d be my shout. You’re all amazing people with the right idea – Grace, Sarah, everyone. Keep it up!
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April 27th, 2011 at 9:42 pm
Breezy, a gorgeous response! And Grace, I’m just glad…x
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How timely. Doubt about my own writing skills was about to become a case of blogger rage. I must really care about my blog so I better just try and write better. Like Grace I didnt feel the shift on Saturday either but maybe you’re passing the shift down the line
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“Act despite the fear”. It’s my mantra and I try to follow it every day. It’s hard for me some times but the “shift” I feel every time I do this is incredible.
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This is gonna sound awful but I secretly love that you confess to those moments of doubt Sarah.. if somebody who has had such a profound impact on a deep, fundamental level on many people has them too, then Im ok! It’s soothing to know we arent alone in our darker moments of doubt and self-scrutiny.
Maybe instead of thinking you have total control over what you create, see yourself as instead a conduit for the creative energy of the universe? Sit down to write with the intention of being that conduit… what comes next isnt your business and you shouldnt be judging it. Just a thought. Much love and good luck with the process.
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April 27th, 2011 at 9:41 pm
Doubts are the grain of sand that we roll around and around… and they become the pearl. Thanks Mia…you give me wonderful feedback. x
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Sarah, this was such an excellent post. I’ve read through your whole blog, and every bit of it has been so inspiring. For me, it’s sort of been as if reading your blog is a daily mantra or affirmation. Truly, the positivity is overwhelmning, and sinks in and has helped me realize a few things. Today’s post was a culmination of what I have come to realize only just recently. That the things which cause the most fear in me, and make me doubt myself the most are, as you said, what matter the most and have been the most rewarding experiences in the past. I decided a few days ago to take some action and make some big changes in my life that have had me feeling scared and doubting myself, but I also feel confident that this is the right path for me. I’m going to step forward and silence that voice of doubt.
Thank you so much for your wonderful post (and all that have come before)!
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April 28th, 2011 at 9:39 pm
It really humbles me when I hear this kind of thing Sarah…good luck with your action. Oh, we’re all such complex little souls, aren’t we!!? x
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[...] further reading, I highly suggest you pore over the extremely helpful post from Sarah Wilson, “create and silence your doubt” – go [...]
Sarah,
just want you to know that you nourish my life. Thank you so much. What you have is truly a gift x
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April 28th, 2011 at 9:39 pm
really? that’s so very nice to hear on a night like this one x
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[...] create and silence your doubt…a life tip from Vincent Van Gogh … [...]
Sarah, thank you so very much for writing this today. I really needed to read it!
I’ve recently embarked on a big, scary writing project that has my self-doubt voice in a shrieking fit. Somehow your posts always pop up at the pivotal moment. It is so true that working on the edge of, or even far outside, one’s comfort zone is a path to growth and self awareness. It also reminds us that we are capable of more then we think. I take great comfort in your words, and in those of your other readers. Keep going!
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April 28th, 2011 at 9:40 pm
My writing mentor used to tell me when you stop fretting about your first two paragraphs it means you’re no longer a good writer!
x
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April 28th, 2011 at 9:42 pm
Oh I like that!
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Sarah, your writing is most certainly not ‘shit.’ You are an inspiration. Keep doing what you’re doing as it obviously resonates with a lot of people.
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April 29th, 2011 at 4:48 pm
And in reply to myself…I think everyone doubts what they are doing probably 90% of the time. How do you know you’re making the right decisions, on the right path, doing what you’re supposed to in your life? As time wasting as it may be I think doubt can be constructive as it forces us to analyse our lives and our actions.
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It’s really weird that you should mention that the ‘mercury is no longer in retrograde’. Over this past week I’ve felt an enormous seismic shift in my thinking. Eerie. Of course, this may be because I just moved interstate and the sunny east side of Australia has me feeling all warm and fuzzy, but I’d like to think the universe is sending me signs too.
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I’m unmotivated and no longer very organised as i once was and use to be awesome at being organised much more.Now I’m unsure of so much, confused of what my true emotions really are and longing for my dog, who was and always be my very best friend who passed away last yr.
You have made a great point in this blog, and i wonder whether you have any tips for me.
I love the quote as well.
thanks
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