I’ve struggled a bit to write this post. You know, with whether to share or not. But since gaps will soon appear, and I disclose a bit about the trajectory of my life on a pretty over-sharey and consistent basis, I kinda have to. Just to not appear gappy, I guess.
I’m also feeling a little ashamed. Shame, hey. It’s the most alien of emotions. Most of our personalities are in fact the cruddy layers with which we mask our shame. Unmasking is to get naked and squirm in the breeze. To be without our fun! brash! personalities. To be just plain, old ordinary us.
You see: I bang on virtuously about all the healthy stuff that I do. Noticed? I’ve also shared that I’m writing a book. And in the past few weeks, both have come a little undone. My health has taken a nosedive. My thyroid has arked up again – it’s tired of the pushing. And, as always, it’s done so because I needed to be told. And so my book has had to be put on hold while I stop, recalibrate, listen. And begin the slow process of going back to me.
Which feels shameful. And a lot like failure. When I let it be seen that way.
I’ve done this many times before. I know what to do now. Hey, I bang on about it on this blog all the time!! Much of the decision to stop and recalibrate is about me “being my message” and not just preaching it. And actually living the only life I will ever want to live.
The truly wonderful thing in all this is that this (temporary) unraveling has, as always, reminded me of what this life I want looks and smells like. Being unwell does this. It pulls into sharp view the vulnerability of life. We could go any time. So, FUCK IT, let’s get real and raw and shed the layers!! Cut to it, Sarah!! Live it…CRUDLESS!!
Right now, listening to Joan as Police Woman, I’m reminded of Mary Oliver’s The Journey:
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do–
determined to save
the only life you could save.
For thyroidy types, I’d love to just share that we are lucky. We get these taps on the shoulder when we are not being true and determined. Take comfort in this. I’d been pushing too hard. And life shouldn’t be pushed. It should be accompanied. I’ve been tapped.
To be frank, I’d got to a point where I was finding it difficult to walk 3-5 afternoons a week. No, 4-6 afternoons, and many mornings. And my various organs and hormones and bits and pieces had ground to a halt. I was inflamed to buggery. Which is just dumb, right. It took lying in a hotel room at 4am on my own, unable to move, aware I hadn’t slept in weeks, to get clear. NOT WHAT LIFE’S ABOUT. I’d been pushing square pegs in round holes. Sometimes it takes a while before we see that this is what is going on.
So.
Stop. Recalibrate. Listen. Heal. Know. Feel. Get loose again. Come back to me. Then continue.
The decision was suddenly very clear and within days everything released. Seriously, in a matter of a week or so I was feeling better. Stacks better. Cruddy layers fell off and things started flowing again. Wonderful men stepped forward (thank you T and D). Kind people popped up offering to help me (thank you Chris). Fresh opportunities. Things that were all a bit crazy and hey, what the heck-ish. And I felt free again.
This matters more than anything. Feeling loose and free and like I’m elegantly accompanying life in my own Sarah way.
And so, as you read this, I’m off to New Zealand to ride a bike in fresh air for a bit. Albeit slowly. And I just ordered in a pretty special Nikon Coolpix (waterproof, mountainbikeproof, in orange) and so will be reporting back with some decent photos for a change.
x
Great post Sarah and thank you for your honesty and sharing this with us as I’m sure we all lapse every now and again. The most important thing is to recognise, acknowledge and get back on the right track. I wish you the best of time in NZ and take care! x
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Hey Sarah, I just got the new Women’s Weekly and there’s a gorgeous photo of you in it. It must be one of the most natural & relaxed shots of you I’ve ever seen.
I hope you enjoy the beauty of NZ and REST!
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Sarah, thank you. I’m at a crossroads in my life where I’m being forced for the first time, to shed all my cruddy layers and be achingly vulnerable. It’s a daily struggle to force myself to sit with and really feel what’s truly going on under the surface, but your blog, your honesty, helps to bring me back home. Being true was never meant to be easy, was it… Good luck on your journey Sarah x
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November 23rd, 2011 at 12:53 pm
No, being true was never meant to be easy. But taking the easy road often leads us to the same cross roads until we eventually choose the harder one. The true one. After that, we get to move into our true direction. And that in itself is the reward.
Good luck on your journey too Elizabeth x
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November 25th, 2011 at 1:16 pm
Amazing words Penny. I hope you don’t mind if I borrow them. x
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Don’t ever feel ashamed – you’re authentic and that’s all that matters!! Yes, you share health info etc on how you try to live a better life, but you’re human and that does not mean that you have to live by these rules 24/7. We take this info and if it feels right for us, apply it, but it does not mean you are any less authentic if you do not abide by these yourself on a permament basis – it shows that you’re human, you’re one of us and therefore it is achievable and we are capable of going through this journey too – but without that extra pressure of having to even do that “perfectly” because you can!!. Us “A” types DO NOT need that!! and that’s why you’re perfect the way you are – showing us vulnerablities and all. So very grateful of this. x
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thankyou, you are a human. go and get better. can’t wait for the pics. all the best.
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Hi Sarah, thank you for sharing this. It’s good to know that at times, we all do the same
I don’t have al I have leaky gut and ibs. I’ve had it for several years and you’d think by now that I’d have it under control. Well, no. Sometimes I’m not sure which foods aggrevate it. Sometimes I do but I still have them (a little won’t hurt??). I go around in circles and get stressed, which of course doesn’t help at all. Why do we do it when we just want to get better? I think I’m waiting for the “magic” one thing that will fix it all, instead of doing all of the little things every day.. I’m not great at expressing my thoughts but I’ve appreciated this article. Have a wonderful and relaxing time in New Zealand!
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November 28th, 2011 at 3:39 pm
Rosie,
just a heads up that I had the same problem and did actually find a ‘magic’ cure in the form of a wonderful chinese herbalist – if you haven’t tried chinese herbs – I couldn’t suggest more strongly that you do. It changed my life.
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Great article Sarah, love your openness and honesty. Amazing how things get better when we acknowledge them, it seems to set me free in a way…
Where in NZ are you going, NZ’s my home, would love to catch up for a chat.
Enjoy each moment x
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Hi Sarah
I don’t quite get it. Did you go off the rails for a while and not apply your healthy diet? Or did your health deteriorate while you were doing all the right things? I’m trying to clarify not to embarass you (I went on a bender last weekend and ate all the things I haven’t been eating for the past few months so I know it happens!!) but to find out if your healthy lifestyle hasn’t been so healthy for you. All year (since giving up sugar in May) I’ve been really well, but since doing low carb since September I did get a virus and have been feeling washed out). So I’m interested
Nadine
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Thank you thank you thank you for your honesty and insight Sarah. Do what you need to do love.
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It is truly a sign of your real strength to not be afraid of your weaknesses. Acknowledging it is part of setting them free. Brave post Sarah, one of your best. Hope you’re feeling better soon.
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You do what you have to do. But if you are saying you have pretty much ground to a halt and your body is telling you to reassess, why then are you going mountain bike riding in one hell of a hilly country? Seems a bit contradictory to me.
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November 23rd, 2011 at 7:24 pm
I kinda agree with this.
It seems like you are always running away from yourself.
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November 24th, 2011 at 11:37 am
I don’t reckon it’s messy at all. It just a differing of opinions which is what free speech is all about.
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November 23rd, 2011 at 8:35 pm
I can’t imagine what it must be like to live with any type of ongoing illness. However, I do struggle with this ‘sweet surrender’.
Early in the year, Sarah wrote a blog letting us all know she was off up north to write a book for 3 months with no distractions, no tv appearances, no red carpets, no MC’ing etc.. It is now late November, and I can’t begin to count the number of times I have seen her at the Logies & ASTRAs, on Sunrise, in Marie-Claire, hosting movie nights and even today, in the WW. There was even the admission of weekly travel to Syd & Mel from Byron. No wonder there’s no book!!
Unfortunately, today blog doesn’t tug at my heart strings. And agree, a mountain bike ride in hilly terrain is hardly an idea ‘rest’. Definitely contradictory.
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November 23rd, 2011 at 10:11 pm
Oh my goodness, you are all such judgey people!
I’m not sure if Jas, Freefalling or Mia have an autoimmune condition or not, but if you don’t then I suggest you stop forming opinions right now, based on the post Sarah has written here.
It is very frustrating to not be able to do what most people would consider “normal” things. Normal amounts of exercise. Normal activities. Things that shouldn’t exhaust a person DO put strain on those with Hashimoto’s and other autoimmune disorders.
We want to be healthy but we also want to be able to participate in life like everyone else. Getting that balance right can be hard.
So stop giving Sarah such a hard time about doing things that are contradictory to what she’s trying to achieve. Coz unless you can walk a mile in her shoes, you’ve no idea what you’re talking about!
Seriously. Now go for your own bike ride and chill out. Look internally at your own lives instead of being so critical of someone else. Just a thought.
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November 23rd, 2011 at 10:27 pm
Hey Svasti…just telling it like I see it. I’m not judging Sarah cause she has an autoimmune condition. As I said, I couldn’t imagine what it’s like to live with an ongoing illness. My ‘observation’, for want of a better word, is Sarah originally wrote in Feb this year she was off for a quiet life in BB and spend 3 months writing a book. Yet it seems to have been everything but. And to further admit to needing time out to stop and rest but then head off on a mountain bike ride seems just a tad contradictory to me. But good luck to her. This was the basis of my argument!!
November 23rd, 2011 at 10:59 pm
Pretty sure Sarah wrote “gentle” bike ride. And there are plenty of non-hilly areas of New Zealand to do that in. I can attest that doing gentle exercise is beneficial to re-building your energy levels.
Sometimes books don’t let you write them when you schedule the time for it. Which is another thing I can tell you from experience. Sometimes other things have to come out first, or the timing is wrong.
Sorry, your “observations” still sound an awful lot like judgements to me. As in, you’re forming an opinion about what you think is happening based on the limited information Sarah provides about her life on this blog. Even those of us who blog pretty openly about our lives don’t share absolutely everything, so you don’t really have the full story, do you?
November 24th, 2011 at 8:59 am
Isn’t it by listening to alternate views that we learn and grow?
Some readers are just pointing out that Sarah’s words and actions
don’t seem to match up (let me qualify that with – imho!).
It’s kinda tough – but I reckon its a fair point.
November 24th, 2011 at 9:44 am
Hi everyone-in-this-little-thread…
I don’t usually get involved, but I’d love it if this thread could just end here.
Let’s just leave it where it is. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but it’s getting a little messy.
Have a great day.
Jo x
November 24th, 2011 at 10:42 am
Do you reckon this is messy?
I think I must be on the other end of the sensitivity scale.
Isn’t this just a free exchange of ideas, which Sarah herself has said previously, she encourages?
I DO take Svasti and hannah’s point – sometimes when things are written so bluntly they can come across as mean-spirited but that doesn’t mean there isn’t a kernel of truth amongst it – and maybe someone (even Sarah! might find that helpful).
I don’t think anyone is being deliberately malicious.
Are they? (No really, I’m asking – do you think they are? Am I just being disingenuous?)
November 29th, 2011 at 9:26 pm
Freefalling, as you’ve discovered Sarah has a few readers who are REALLY protective of her comments. If a writer writes to be read, surely the reader who has spent time reading it has a right of response with thoughts it triggers. I think its called feedback, invited by the blogger who chooses to leave their comments switched on, right? I’m sure we all have responses to what Sarah writes, and I will admit to not posting comments in the past because of the way some readers can’t help but defend and speak for Sarah – which at times comes across as arrogant and, well just weird.
For what it’s worth, I find some of her writings confusing and had to roll my eyes too when she revealed her way of dealing with her burnout was to fly o/s and go bike riding?? But hey that’s just me. Not my idea of relaxation. I chose to sit back and observe the drones a while back. The more one puts themselves out there, the more energy you need to deal with, the more demands placed on you, the more stressed you get, the louder your body cries.
November 29th, 2011 at 9:36 pm
Sarah, this sounds awfully like you writing in the 3rd person!
November 24th, 2011 at 11:41 am
oh & no, I’m not being deliberately malicious, just factual.
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November 25th, 2011 at 12:19 pm
I have CFS and Hashi’s and have been told by many people that I’m crazy to still try to work full time. I’ve often wondered the same thing myself. My main reason is financial. To try to get the best medical care and to buy the best quality whole foods available, I need a full time wage. It may be a contradiction, because my medical bills might be less if I worked part time or not at all, but it is a decision I’ve made after careful consideration and I am trying to the best of my ability to make it work and strike the right balance. I appreciate all of your opinions about this, but I would urge you all to remember that a lot of what Sarah does is part of her job. It is how she earns an income. I would also ask you to consider that those of us with chronic or long term illness still like to take part in life. Hiding out at home or lying in bed all day is a sure way to become more depressed and feel more hopeless. Sometimes I go out to parties knowing I will spend the next 2 days in bed recovering, but I think the trade off is sometimes worth it. If I say no to every social function, like I did for the first few years, it can feel like life is passing you by. Every day is a struggle to find the right balance between living your life to the fullest, and giving yourself enough rest to be able to do day to day tasks. We may not get it right all of the time, but we’re doing our best. Wishing good health and happiness to you all.
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November 25th, 2011 at 8:08 pm
Brooke
I too have an immune disorder, albeit one not well known in Australia. Like Sarah I have had to give up my “career” and take time out. This does not mean we stop living. In fact one of my priorities is to live as authentically as I can and not let the disease rule my life.
Unfortunately living with a chronic illness is a matter of walking the tightrope. You never know how your body will react despite your best efforts to take care of it.
Sarah shared in a post last month about the problems she was having with her thyroid when talking to an expert in a podcast.
If she rests by leaving home/committments/phone etc and riding a bike through New Zealand good for her. Doing something physical instead of intellectual, getting out of her head into fresh air may be just what Sarah needs to recharge. I don’t recall her saying she was going to ride a marathon or a Tour de Force. I am sure she will listen to her body and only do as much as she can.
Bless you Sarah for being so open.
Life is a journey and nothing is permanent. Be kind to yourself as my counsellor said today.
ENJOY
Naomi
November 28th, 2011 at 9:54 pm
Hi Naomi,
I think you may have misunderstood what I wrote. I was actually supporting Sarah’s decision to do whatever she thinks will work for her. I would love to go biking in NZ and can see the possible health benefits, Maybe you were getting my comment mixed up with some of the ones above? :-S
Cheers,
Brooke
I’m new to your blog (I found you through Twitter, somehow…I think..) but I wish you all the best. A biking holiday sounds like the perfect plan. Nothing takes you back to “Carefree Mode” quite like whizzing down a hill on a bike- I think it’s about reconnecting with our childhood.
Best wishes for a speedy recovery.
Don’t forget your helmet
Slim Paley in Santa Barbara
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Yay NZ – where in my awesome country are you heading to?!
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While recovering and healing from PTSD I’d have so many of these kinds of moments. The ones where I was sure I was over the hump and on my way back to a happy life. Pretty much any time I found myself thinking that way instead of being in touch with myself and what was going on, I’d end up flat on my ass several steps back along the path. It sucks!
So when I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s, I luckily already had those experiences to draw on. I try to be more patient with myself (not that it’s always easy), because like you, I want to be able to do whatever I want.
Sometimes I detest being reliant on medication and eating properly to keep my health in check. Other people get away with all kinds of abuse! But then as you mentioned, maybe they don’t. Maybe we are the lucky ones with the early warning system.
Anyway, don’t feel shame over your health falling apart while you write about health and eating right. It’s not necessary. It doesn’t make you a failure.
I had a few moments around having Hashimoto’s and being a yoga teacher. But I’ve come to the conclusion that being imperfect is beneficial to me as a teacher, as well as to my students. This was confirmed when one of my students told me about her struggles with fibromyalgia, and I was able to help her with what I’ve learned so far.
You write in your “I Quit Sugar” ebook that quitting sugar is an experiment, and I think working for our health and healing thyroid (or any other) conditions is the same. It’s an experiment. We do the best we can but sometimes even that isn’t enough. There are so many factors to maintaining health!
No one expects you to know everything or be perfect.
So enjoy your R&R. New Zealand is so beautiful.
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Dear Sarah,
To surrender I commend you. I dont know how to do it really well either. And reading your journey is like an insight into mine, but the most I can do is no longer live in a world of self blame. Rather I have accepted where my life is at present. And I have learnt to be so much more grateful for what I have. And with that, more patient. You are such a giving, sharing person. You radiate kindness. Time for you.
Have THE best recovery, and may the sun be shining warmly also as you ride.
Happy days.
Catherine
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Sorry to hear you are unwell Sarah. Glad to hear though that you are going to have some ‘me’ time for a bit to recover. I have been researching of late and have come across a Doctor who may be able to help with your condition, her name is Valerie Cole – naturalvibranthealth.com.au, testimonials are very positive from people she has helped. Shes at Robina on the Gold Coast – might be worth a drive up??? X
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Yay! You’re human! Don’t at all feel ashamed or sense of failure, as one of your loyal followers (on a quit sugar journey) its humbling to hear of your moments of strength and weakness. Best of luck with the bike ride!
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Sarah, you are a fucking goddess and dont ever forget that for a second. Nobody loves you any less for your vulnerability. In fact I’d say your readers all love your humannness, because if famous/pretty/talented people come unstuck by illness then we are all ok.
Hashimotos is to the sufferer what a radioactive spider is the superhero. A curse we didn’t choose, that’s for sure, and life is never the same again, but it can be a great gift that teaches us about ourselves. And gives us super powers! Even just knowing when to back the hell off is a kind of super power for A-types. I turn into an introvert when I’m thyroidy, which is something I’m really struggling with after being an outgoing person all my life – I feel lonlier somehow, less connected with the world, you know? We all have our missions with this illness. That’s mine. Right now escaping to NZ is yours, I feel there is a reason we attacted these events to our lives, so there is no shame in accepting our latest mission with gusto.
Follow your heart, Sarah – we’ll all be here when you get back, eagerly awaiting tales of bike rides and adventure. Love always. xx
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I’m a newbie to your blog & think it’s really wonderful. I also fully relate to your post above and thanks for being so honest. We all stumble sometimes, but you’ll get back there… enjoy your rest!
X
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Hi Sarah,
From your post ‘Are you too busy to live your life?’ a few months ago, I got an inspiration, accompanied by (a few) sleepless nights and finally the courage and determination, to stop and breath. I’ve quitted my 9-5 job and have been onto my new non-work, cash poor, time rich life for 3 weeks now.
To read your post today urges me to respond with a positive note and reciprocate the encouragement and conviction you shared with us many moons ago.
All I would like to say and share with you is only this – listen to your inner voice, and lightly – have the vision to be responsible for your own life, have the courage take actions to change the presence. The truth is, the world does not stop no matter what. I know nothing stops since I left my firm, shedding my old self. We owe it to ourselves to grasp the moments to get in tune with our inner voice, and I think it is a blessing for us to be able to realise that, do something about it, be it pull the plug or slow down.
I am now in the tropic, taking my time to breath – authentically. I hope the southern land will do the same for you.
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I relate to this post so much, I actually got tears reading it. I have recently gained about 10kgs while overseas. I really don’t think I’ve ever been more disappointed in myself, it’s terrible. The thing is, I know how to eat well. I know that when I avoid gluten, my body feels like it should. And yet I still eat so poorly and treat my body like absolute crap. I am so depressed about the situation but just don’t see a way out. Sarah, you really inspire me and I’m going to try and get myself healthy and well again, I really am.
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November 23rd, 2011 at 7:19 pm
Ella – I don’t even know you, but it makes me sad that you are so hard on yourself.
Be kind to yourself.
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November 23rd, 2011 at 7:25 pm
Oh heck yes! I can so relate Ella. I’ve just come back from Vietnam. Did I eat well? I sort of tried to. Sometimes my options were limited but sometimes I just went for that chocolate croissant anyway! Doesn’t help when one gets gastro too boot! I too am down about my whole eating caper and trying to get back on track. But that is what I need to do. I can’t believe I keep mucking up my digestive system… no wonder it’s not improving. It will certainly be easier to eat well or at least try to do better when we’re at home and not travelling. Hang in there Ella and yes, Sarah is a huge inspiration!
And to Mia, I loved your first para…it said it all!
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November 23rd, 2011 at 10:51 pm
Okay, now I’m confused. There are a few too many Mia’s! I was referring to the Mia that’s supporting Sarah because I think that it is good to know that we are all capable of mucking up from time to time because we are only human.
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November 23rd, 2011 at 9:08 pm
Ella, the best thing you can do is to be kind to yourself. The disappointment only keeps the cycle going as you need to reach for food for comfort. Be kind and compassionate and speak to yourself as if you were talking to a good friend. I have been where you are and I promise, it can get better, but beating yourself when you are down is not the way out. Go out and buy a some gorgeous clothes and underwear that fit now and make you feel good. The weight will then fall off as you feel better about yourself and treat yourself with love.
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November 24th, 2011 at 6:55 am
Lizzie this is soooo true. I was reading Ella’s post & completely relating to it. I have been dealing with Chronic Fatigue Synndrome (with thyroid issues thrown in) for atleast 4 years now. I’ve educated myself on how to help myself get better (or atleast feel better), so I know so much of what to do, but my mindset gets the better of me & I find myself reaching for foods that do me more harm than good, then feel down that I’ve let myself down (and feel horrible to boot). It can be a vicious cycle of self-sabotage, but that only leads to more of the same. Beating yourself up when you’re down defintely isn’t the answer!
All the best to you ladies in your journeys!
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November 24th, 2011 at 6:56 pm
I just wanted to chime in and say that this feels so relevant at the moment.
Just recently I made a comment to someone close to me that eating feels like the most difficult thing in the world. I’m in the middle of the challenge stage in the elimination diet and seem to be sensitive to salicylates and gluten. I’d never heard of salicylates!
So no fructose, gluten, tea, coconut and most fruit and veg! How can this be happening?! I need to lose lots of weight! I’d rather have tomatoes and cherries and a cup of tea than chocolate! I don’t mean to sound negative as I want to do what is best for myself, but does it need to be so hard?
Lots of people share these issues, its good to talk about them. I do believe we can all fully heal.
November 26th, 2011 at 10:07 pm
I agree with many of the responses Ella, be kind and speak gently to yourself and the better you begin to feel the easier it will be to lose the weight. ‘What we think about we bring about’ so focus on what you want, rather than what you don’t want.
All the best x
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Sweet, sweet Sarah,
I swear you speak to me most days – at the point of exactly where I am.
Last months my health gave me some major signs. To the extent I was getting ultra sounds and all sorts of tests – nothing to be found ofcourse. Stress has a funny way of talking to you.
I snapped. I resigned. I took a break. I practiced Yoga. I LET MYSELF have fun. I took in some new air, some fresh perspective. Now I’m about to take another break (longer because I need it) and start a new journey.
Living the life you want isn’t easy. There are so many signals and pressures for us to live it differently. But I have to say the feeling of freedom and empowerment I feel from going my own way, against the grain of almost everyone I know – gives me more energy and strength than I ever expected.
Enjoy New Zealand
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My friends and I often laugh because I tend to fall off the face of the earth every couple of months so I can reset and do the whole “find myself again”. They just know it’s what I’ve got to do and I’m not going to be in contact. But I think it’s a great thing (and so do they) because each time I come back better than ever…like I get my mojo back haha! For me if I just get off my own back then I don’t seem to have such unrealistic expectations of myself.
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November 23rd, 2011 at 2:16 pm
Notice how I used “haha” and not “lol”
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good on you sarah. have a rest and enjoy yourself.
its human nature to err and in this western world our shifts will take place when we are ready to integrate the changes into our lives. your busy life means that you are shifting a lot more than you may give yourself credit for.
you’re right about thyroid-y types being lucky to get that tap on the shoulder when they do – it happens to the best of us.
i’m prone to yeast infections like candida which tend to flare up when i have injested too much sugar. i bought your book when you first launched it – and as yet have still not given up sugar. i know i’ll do it when the time is right. for now, its nice to feel like i am part of a community that is supportive and conscious. xx
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This confessional post and many of these comments are resonating deeply for me. My adrenals are very fatigued at the moment, I have some quite unpleasant chronic symptoms going on. My biggest desire right now is to consistently get 8 hours of quality sleep every night but given the logistics of my work / life / circumstances, I cannot see a way to make it real – and I am quite agitated and depressed about that.
I am very envious of those who are posting they have been able to resign from their jobs and take time out. I am seeking inpiration and ideas here that maybe I can apply to start designing the life of deep contentment and wellness that I dream of …
Lisa
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Thank you for sharing this Sarah. Love it!
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You’re a knob!
A loveable knob, but a knob nonetheless!
I wish you would just “be”.
(And don’t think so much!
I’m pretty sure I made that same comment here 12 months ago).
Chill dude, and show yourself some compassion.
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November 23rd, 2011 at 8:23 pm
Freefalling, did you write this for Sarah or yourself?
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November 24th, 2011 at 8:37 am
hmmmm…I dunno…maybe.
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Spoken as any human being who is being honest with themselves should. Word.
Enjoy NZ.
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Have fuuuun!! x
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hello there – illness does have a silver lining … my darling was ill – very nasty – for three months – he lost 10kgs off is already fat free frame and thought he had the big C … thankfully no. But he came out self aware – we were always healthy eaters but cutting out the carbs has been a real winner for both of us and the kids … plus we now have a holiday house in nz and will make it a regular feature in our family life … on a cold beach outside dunedin … ahhhh PLUS I am reassessimg my work life family flow …. yes it’s been a big few months.
fresh air. kiwi sensibilities and bike riding sounds like just the ticket to me – wishing you well, best le xox
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Surely Byron Bay is the perfect place to Stop. Recalibrate. Listen. Heal. Know. Feel. Get loose again. Come back to me. Then continue.
Didn’t you move there in the first place to back off for a bit? Don’t quite understand then why you would want to disrupt your body AGAIN with more travel, hotel rooms etc.. Stop procrastinating, stay put and focus. Maybe then you will get that book finished!
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November 23rd, 2011 at 10:33 pm
MY POINT EXACTLY!
THANK YOU
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November 23rd, 2011 at 10:39 pm
And hopefully this isn’t a sponsored ride.
Anyway, I know the knives will be out for me from all of Sarah fans, so I’m outta here ‘for now’.
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As a writer myself, I know how deadly deadlines can be. I just pushed myself through the end of my Master’s while battling a lot of AI pain and depression. It was exhausting.
I find that it is not the actual writing that is exhausting, but the A-type worrying about the writing. Are you a worrier, Sarah? I am!
It’s important to know how long it takes you to complete certain tasks, ie how long it takes for you to write 1000 words of academic text versus personal reflection. Then you can be realistic about your daily goals.
I had a week there where I did next to nothing, but I’d put in the hours beforehand to allow myself that blip.
Peter Ver Dries wrote: “I write when I’m inspired, and I see to it that I’m inspired at nine o’clock every morning.”
One tip (maybe I got it from Zen Habits?) that seems to work for me is to tell myself that I will just write for five minutes. Or I will just write the first sentence. Or I will just write one point. It always turns into writing for much longer, but takes away the initial psychological intimidation.
I hope this helps.
Remember too that you help others by admitting your own frailty. It makes us all feel less alone in this messy life thing.
Good luck.
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Sometimes you do all the rigth things and your health just doesn’t cooperate. Rest up and be well Sarah. Enjoy NZ it’s a beautiful place to be when you need to focus on you.
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As Ani Difranco once wrote:
Life knocked me off my platforms
So i pulled out my first pair of boots
Bought on the street at Astor place
Before New York was run by suits
And i suited up for the long walk back to myself
Closer to the ground now
with sorrow
and stealth
xx (Good luck)
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November 24th, 2011 at 2:24 pm
That’s lovely, Renae. Thank you for sharing xx
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November 24th, 2011 at 7:00 pm
beautiful
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I can relate, as my health took a dive four months ago. Before that time I was doing all of the right things, except without acknowledging it I was putting the same pressure on myself as before (same pathology, different costume). I’ve realized that I’m really going to have to change how I operate in the world or face permanent negative consequences. Feel better and have fun.
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[...] I wrote yesterday, I have reached another chapter with my hashimoto battle. I’d been doing everything right, [...]
Good for you, Sarah. Hope you have a wonderful time. C
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What a lovely post to read. The vulnerabilty in it was quite touching. It’s hard to be strong all the time and sometimes your writing can be a bit aggressive.
Loved this post though
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It’s these posts, where you are raw and honest, that remind me that you are experimenting and unsure too. Sometimes I feel like you are perfect and have all the answers (reading your food posts especially makes me feel inadequate and fallible) but this is why I keep coming back here, Sarah. Thank you for keeping it real – it helps me to keep trying to keep it real too.
Enjoy, and take it steady. x
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If it makes any difference, my hubby and I sat next to you in cafe one-one-one early in the week and you looked pretty fantastic. I know, looks can be very deceiving as to what is happening inside and having just finished some physiology study which included hormone interaction, its a pretty delicate balance, especially if something is not working the way it should. But anyway, you looked lovely and natural and seemed healthy!
Ele
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Sweetest surrender or Sweetest Bullshit.
Sarah, you could sell ice to the eskimos!
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Wow, I am amazed at some of these comments (Mia!). Sarah, I have never commented before but this post I can relate to completely as a thirty something single female with ms and depression who is highly ambitious, social and struggling to balance her personality and dreams with certain limitations. I have too fallen in a recent hole of ill health and subsequent shame and embarrassment as I was attempting to start a business, which I have had to put on hold for almost a year now. Mia, I hear you thinking “why would someone with these issues start a business?” well, so I can work my own hours at my own rate without certain external pressures while still attempting to realise a dream. Even though a sickness strikes you, dreams and ambition aren’t squashed. Just because Sarah has certain limitations sometimes doesn’t mean she shouldn’t do what she does, it makes her who she is. Sometimes things just don’t go to plan and we judge ourselves enough, we don’t need your judgment too. Grrr.
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November 26th, 2011 at 12:58 am
LS, I absolutely agree. And as someone who DOES have Hashimotos (unlike the other Mia who seems to be quite arrogant about something she can never understand!) I know that this disease didn’t come with a manual. Some days I do everything right and wake up feeling like hell (luckily that’s rare nowadays, but it can happen.) Other days I will feel amazing and have no real idea what I did differently. You do your best, sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t. And then every time you think you can predict how you are going to feel, your body changes things up and you have to start from scratch once again!!
I’ve learned not to let other people, or my illness, dictate where I set my limitations in life. Good on you for following your dreams and ignoring the naysayers. Good luck! xx
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Sarah I’m not thyroidy but livery! I have hep b and yes I too often get the tap on the shoulder to slow down, sleep, lay off the coffee etc. A chinese doctor once said to me that when my energy starts to build up I needed to learn to conserve it rather than use it all at once. Enjoy the break. And the space. x
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My daughter who is 30, started her plight with thyroid issues after the birth of her first child in 2000 (Although endocronologists deny it, I believe she had issues from birth). Firstly, she had Hashimotos Thyroidistis, then about 5 years ago everything switched and she developed hyperthyroidism and after much testing and scans, she was finally diagnosed with Grave’s disease. I am pleased to say that currently, and after a few “goes” she is currently in remission. Fingers crossed it stays that way as her disease has seen her quite unwell over the years. It was affecting her heart and for a time was was on beta-blockers.
I was wondering Sarah, have you had any signs ever of your thyroid problems going from under to over active and if so, what do you think was the cause??
We know the minute my daughter has ‘weight’ issues, either sudden weight gain and sudden loss (like changing from a size 10 to a 14 in two weeks or vice versa!), that we are in for a bad time and she is off for testing.
When she had Hashi’s, she was always fighting the weight gain and all the negative things that go with it.
I hope you are feeling better today and on the downward run
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thankyou for being real. I hit the wall 10 weeks ago with my health and it has taken me 2 months to shed my business. and another crash last weekend to really rest.
we all have taps on the shoulder. but i never thought of it that way. i always thought of it as weakness. so thankyou.
enjoy your rest. ride slowly. and breathe deeply. i will be there with you in my own paddock on the sunshine coast.
x
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Sarah, please, please, when you’re well again, listen to your body daily, and not just when it screams out ‘Stop!’. Enjoy the cycling in NZ. Judy
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[...] months. As a result I’ve had to pull back on a few commitments (you might have noticed…my book, my column) and I’ve been digging deeper into some of the craziness going on, trying out some [...]
Hi Sarah. I have just found your website. I had read David Gillespie’s Sweet Poison about a year ago and was toying with actually doing it, mostly as I wanted to loose some weight but also as I was feeling just plain awful most of the time. This was a big step for me as I am an infamous baker in my family so me going sugar free seemed unlikely.
I am a fellow AI sufferer – Rhuematoid Arthritis since about 2002 and Autoimmune Hepatitis since 2005, diagnose while I was pregant. I have been sugar free now for about 6 weeks and feel so much better. My husband and daughter (despite some sabotaging by the grandparents – grrrrr!) are going along for the ride with me of course as you have to do it as a family.
I have lost some weight which is great but it was only the other day that I realised as I got out of bed that my joints weren’t hurting, nor was I particularly stiff either. Usually in the mornings it takes a while for me to get my joints, particularly my ankles going, but it suddenly dawned on me that I felt good – in the morning- yay for me! And the only change I have made is a no sugar diet. After this revelation and a bit of research led me to your site.
I understand what you are saying about listening to your body. We women are particularly bad at doing that as we are usually looking after everyone else first but I am trying to be kinder to myself.
I still think it sucks that I have these AI issues (most of the women in my Dad’s side of the family have an AI) but just feeling better in the last few weeks has given me some hope of being able to get on with life without my limitations.
So I guess my point is that going sugar free really has worked for me, even in this short time. So good luck to you and everyone else out there embarking on this new way of life, it really is worth it whether you have an AI or not.
K
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[...] One of my favourite “re” words for this particular retrograde phase is recalibration. Check out this post by Sarah Wilson the other day. The whole concept of stopping, recalibrating and “being” the message rather than [...]
Dear Sarah,
Looking up Louise Hay and thyroid on the web, I found your blog and your wisdom. Did you ever just feel like I feel now: take this diseased, malfunctioning thing out of my body?
I think that our thyroid speaks to us about balance, and the symptoms you are having are not, as many endocrinologists would like you to believe, your lot. You are undertreated. You should not feel the way you feel at your age, even at 75. Right now as I write this the tiny muslces in my hands and forearms hurt. I have Hashimoto’s and it feels like you have chronic fatigure, fibromyalgia, dementia, and depression, along with tendonitis of the knees, muscle atrophy, and other things all at once. I eat like a diabetic because I just found it feels better. Please go far and wide looking for another doctor who will listen to you. It’s not right to be dismissed or turned away by the medical establishment and it is too easy for them to do that when faced with women with “thyroidy”-like symptoms. Hashimoto’s is a feminist issue.
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