This week in Sunday Life I sign off, sincerely
Illustration by Lottie Frank
Poor Sreejesh got me so very wrong. During the week the charming and enthusiastic IT specialist from some outpost in India contacted me, trying to win some online business. He was doing well. Until he got to his sign-off. There, it was, alongside his name: “<3333333”.
First, the kid mistook me for someone who cared to know what his little flurry of key strokes meant. I Googled it and found it’s emoticon-speak for “lots of hearts” (turn your head on its side if you’re still stumped). Second, he signed off with hearts?! We’ve never met, not even virtually.
We all know by now by now that technology is meant to be making us fat, dumb and boring. But I mostly think the rapidly shifting electronic world is making us confused, and so we do awkward things, like bag out our boss on Twitter etc, as we adjust.
It’s like the nascent stages of a sexual dalliance – we’re awkward and cringy until we get the hang of things. Which would make the fraught issue of electronic sign-offs the bra unhook – something we seem unable to ever master, despite the fact we’ve been on email for decades now.
The issue prompted me this week to have a good look at my own sign-off style. For years I’ve run an automatic signature at the bottom of my emails with the sign-off, “Be well, Sarah”. Which was highly efficient – if a little worthy – in that it saved me 12 whole characters every email. However it came unstuck the time I sent it to a work colleague dying of cancer. It was suddenly a terribly inappropriate command.
Worthy is wrong. So is whacky. I got hit with a “Be Fabulous, Annie” from someone (not called Annie) recently. My response was an immediate, no thanks, I’m not in the mood. “Best fishes” from someone who works in the aquatics business and “Zenfully” from the pushy dude wanting to sell me his 20-CD life changing program for $29.95 ***, also struck me as, well, insincere.
Ditto those coloured, blinking emoticons. The New York Times this month went to town on the growing use of the winking face in high-end business transactions. Personally, the one with the sticking out tongue gets my goat. The point was made by one overuser interviewed for the article that emoticons soften the blow of her hurried, terse interactions. She tacks one on for good measure. Which is like spanking a kid as you hand them a lollypop.
And this is the point, isn’t it. If we’re awkward about our sign-offs, it’s because we’re awkward about how hurried and terse we’ve become with our interactions. A simple “Best, John” becomes the abrupt wrapping on a cranky offering. We fire off dozens – if not hundreds – of e-interactions a day and it hovers over us like Catholic guilt that we are not truly connecting or offering our warmth as we do. We’re giving too much of our time, but enough of our hearts (<333333).
So, how are we meant to sign-off? I think we can start by sending less, but more heart-felt (not heart emoticon-ed) missives. So that the tone is right – clear, mindful and careful – from the start. I’d hazard a guess: 33% of replies aren’t necessary and 66% of us would prefer no email at all to a flaccid, tongue-pokey (:-b) one.
Sometimes, though, we have to be perfunctory, right? In such cases, I have to say, I’m a fan of the “x” – just the one, and definitely not accompanied by an “o” (we kiss a colleague’s cheek, but we don’t cuddle, right?).
I’d been awkward about this “x” business, too, for some time. But it’s one of those things – once you start, there’s no going back. An “x”-less sign-off seems cold.
Plus, I learned this week that the “x” is now largely acceptable. It’s so commonplace, even in the business community, that it hardly seems inappropriate, even when mailing strangers. Norman Mailer’s widow Norris recently shared that she always uses an “x”, but as a “placeholder”. Which is where the tradition stemmed from – an “x” was used in medieval times by the illiterate to signify where they’d “kissed” to seal the document in the absence of a signature.
But for now, think I’ll work with “Warmly, Sarah”. If only as a reminder to keep things that way, don’t you think? (“¯\_(ツ)_/¯”).
Am I on my own here? Have you struggled to be sincere and authentic in your frantic email correspondence? What do you go with?
It doesn’t really bother me at all how people sign their emails, but I do agree with you that one doesn’t want hearts in a business email! That would put me off too. For years I have signed my emails ‘smiles, Laura’. It goes with my personality, makes me fight depression and I feel like I am sharing good mood. For good friends, I can also write ‘hugs, Laura’. I don’t write any business emails, so I have no idea how I would go with those, but well, so far, smiles works for me.
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Oh emoticons…. How I hate them…. and how I feel guilty when I don’t use them!!! I can handle the wink, but am with you, Sarah, on the tongue poking one. I find it super offensive and unnecessary! I’m an “x” giver, but even then, reserve it to friends- work colleagues who I don’t have a personal relationship with miss out- I figure it then makes a point when I send an “angry” email without one and think it’s best just not to start… It reminds me of the idea that 90% of your communication is body language… perhaps emoticons are the new, e-body language?
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Is it strange that also the “lol” bothers me. I cringe every time I see it!
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November 20th, 2011 at 6:08 pm
yeah, me too. but too many of my friends use it for me to whinge too publicly…
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I’m always reminded of an admin assistant I worked with once who sent out the “Sorry, you’ve been unsuccessful with your application for employment” emails, signed with a cute “Bec x”. Not really what the unsuccessful applicants wanted! (As a single woman in a corporate workplace, and the one who delivers the “sexual harassment training”, I try to avoid the x at work!! Mixed messages…)
I use “Cheers” in most cases, but will mix it up with some others this week… just for fun.
Toodles
S.
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I usually use ‘kind regards’ on the first business contract with someone… followed by ‘cheers’ in later correspondence.
For my Think Beautiful stuff I sign ‘smiles & sunshine’… and I’ll own that (even if others think it a little wanky). I’m trying to bring smiles and a little sunshine into others lives so I find it appropriate.
Go with whatever feels right to you. I don’t think the person on the receiving end of ‘be well’ would have considered you rude for ending on that note. It most likely would have passed unnoticed. I think we often put to much emphasis on what others ‘might think’ and take ourselves a little to seriously – that’s not a personal attack on anyone (just an observation – and an observation of what I do myself).
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I am fond of “warmly”, too. And an “x” tacked on the end. Often two.
I don’t mind a few emoticons, just plain
and 
can help to set the tone. It’s when things get complicated (ie head tilting is required) that I get put off.
It’s tricky, because there is a fine line between expressing yourself – which may require being a little more affectionate or curt than etiquette dictates – and crossing the line into inappropriate/clueless territory, Sreejesh style. Of course, the latter can be detrimental to our relationships – business or friendship wise – so striking that balance does matter.
I think we just need to be understanding when it comes to virtual correspondence. Just because somebody writes too many/ not enough hearts or x’s or smiley faces, we shouldn’t write them off – we have all been there.
Laura xx
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Most of the time I struggle to know what the symbols or things like “lol” or what the hell is “rofl” represent, but I also struggle to make out a word that is being spelt out to me to avoid offending the sensibilities of children’s ears. I feel like everyone else is speaking a language I just don’t get. Waiting for the day that this “phase” will pass, think I will be waiting for sometime.
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I find it always best to err on the side of good manners. After all, it’s hard to offend someone you dont know by being too polite. A simple “thanks” or “regards” for an informal work usually works. No emoticons in work emails either, unless you want to look completely unprofessional. Good manners are never out of place, the same way you can never really over-dress. Manners in men remain one of my biggest turn ons.
I really hate lol and rofl. Mostly the extent to which they are overused. If people were really laughing aloud and rolling on the floor as often as most said, they’d be dragged off to the looney bin with a spoon clenched between their teeth…
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zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
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LOVE AND LIGHT makes me want to punch people. Its got lots of assumptions verging on the racist lurking about behind it. The only good thing is as soon as I’ve read an email from someone with this in it is to run like a mile from them because it say so so much about them.
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November 29th, 2011 at 10:39 am
Hi, m, Love & light are usually used by people who are actively following spiritual matters and is usually used in that context. I would never use it on this site, for instance, as that wouldn’t be appropriate, but only to other serious Spiritual seekers/followers. I think you are being a bit paranoid, and cynical. It’s usually said with much love to the person you are writing to. So if anyone uses it on the bottom of your next e-mail, then you should think yourself lucky that you are much loved.
I don’t know you, so will just say,
Regards
Sylvia
Spread the Love
SMILE!!
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oh and smiles and sunshine has the same effect.. I’ve just read the thread!
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For formal emails I favour signing off with ‘Kind regards’. For familiar emails ‘Cheerio’. As I write ‘Cheerio’ I say the word in a friendly Yorkshire accent.
When I use emoticons, I usually find myself ‘pulling’ the face of the emoticon as I write it. Luckily I face a wall and not the 50 people sitting behind me.
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For internal work email I simply sign Thanks, Andrea. For external work email I start with Regards or Kind Regards and work up to Warm Regards as the business relationship develops. No emoticons, no abbreviations, no slang.
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As a Gen X kid, caught up in all the emoticons and abbreviations, I find it especially hard to write (and sign off) proper professional emails. Many times I’v had to catch myself before I end an email with Thanks, Kayte x to someone I don’t even know.
Nowadays I usually alternate between Cheers; Many Thanks; Thanks; Kindly; Kind regards.
On another note; I tend to use the
a lot because naturally I am a smiley person and I would hate for things to be taken the wrong way. The only other emoticons I use are (very occasionally) 
and 
. I think that the others are just taking it too far. Isn’t it silly that all emotions can be packed into a handful of characters on a screen. If I find that there isn’t an emoticon I want to use to represent the way I feel, I just call the person up and try to verbally express my feelings.
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I actually thought Best Fishes was a funny, appropriate sign off for an aquarium!
I work in a young workplace where emoticons in emails are rife and can be annoying. But I do understand the comment that the inclusion of an emoticon can soften a harsh e-mail. I adore and am good friends with many of my work colleagues but sometimes I have to hold them to task about something in an e-mail but an addition of a silly pics or emoticon is my way of saying “I am being serious but at the same time I hope you understand that this is not personal”.
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Basically, we’re all admitting what kind of judgement we make on a person depending on their signature! yeah … I think a signature is something worth thinking about (I like the idea of meaningfulness)…. and I appreciate that it’s something individual.
I accept it but yes, I really don’t like some of them!! No disrespect, eh, “warmly” makes me wanna puke!!
But I try not to be too harsh (!!! emoticon with tongue out here, to signify me knowing this sounds wanky!) especially if I know this is something that a person has probably thought about and has chosen as something that’s right for them. That’s sweet, and has to be respected, in my book, even if I dislike it.
I accept not everyone likes my signature and the graphic that goes with it, but care not I! I love it and its meaningful to ME!
I tend to have less patience for people who sign things off without meaningfulness!! So I need to reign in my judgement there and pour on some compassion!
Another good thing to get us pondering on Sarah!
Ooh, and I lurve emoticons! Mostly between my friends though …
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I had to laugh when I read this. My husband changed his email signature block this year to include ‘best regards’. I don’t know why he thought ‘regards’ was no longer good enough for his clients and employees, and I can laugh about it now but the first time I noticed the change was when he emailed me shortly after we had separated. Needless to say, ‘best regards’ was not the kind of message you want to see at the bottom of an email setting out financial/property settlement options!
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Perhaps because I’m British, but I avoid all emotionally-loaded sign-offs (and greetings come that that) unless addressed to family or close friends. It makes it simple. With thanks or kind regards for work-related email, warmly when warmth is what I want to convey, take care to an acquaintance or more personal relationship. I find overfamiliarity uncomfortable and unnecessary, and to the detriment of real meaning.
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what a great article sarah!! i have debated about this topic myself for years as i have watched my own signature morph into softness over time.
as a yoga teacher and kinesiologist, many of my students/clients will email with questions or stories of self empowerment that often end with a xx. i have found that i have responded with kisses myself!
my other little business as a celebrant has me meeting couples who trust me to facilitate a warm ceremony for them. i find that my rapport with brides means our interactions over email also end with the affectionate xx’s.
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Generally I think professional and distant is right with people I don’t know well, e.g. best or kind regards, as someone noted above; something more personal is fine with intimates. With my Italian or French friends it’s natural to write “kisses” (baci/bacioni, bisous) at the end of an email, and with my anglo friends I’m happy with an xx or an xox (mirrors interactions in person). The only thing I object to is new-agey things that come off as maybe a bit preachy, as in hinting at “I’m so enlightened that I want to bestow upon you the idea that I would like you to pursue an enlightened day.” Of course, everything depends on context. I read a blog post about valedictions recently that I thought was cute: http://www.finolablog.com/2011/03/tony-and-i-agree-on-most-of-big-and.html
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I’m finding that increasingly, messages I receive are simply signed of with the writer’s first initial. And with more rapid exchanges, there are no salutations at all. Seems more appropriate when communication starts to mirror our social and workplace environment too, rather than what letter writing used to represent. That said, when it comes to a sign-off, I am quite fond of a simple “soon”.
O><O
I– –I
X X
A.
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Huh!!, this is hilarious ( to me…) I have only just been thinking the last few weeks about my sign offs……Firstly as my name is Belinda ( which I hate – boring/formal etc) and secondly because I felt it was too impersonal so I changed it to my sometimes nickname Bea and followed with this single x thingy. I have been using it in my work emails too of late and just got over thinking that it may be too unprofessional and just went with what felt authentic to me – as authenticity has been my biggest goal of late. So funny to hear that I am not alone in thinking about these weird trivial things and using the “x” after all – nice!!! Although, now i’m feeling a little “standard” again……Bea x
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I like to end with a sound, like POW or BANG, most of the time people actually say it out loud, and I have observed this phenomenon across my office.
Cheers
Adam
(Please place your right hand on the screen) “High five!” (Remove your hand from the screen)
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I sign off Kind regards to semi-formal work emails, Cheers to people I know and xo (for a kiss and a hug) to friends in emails and text messages.
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hi Sarah, i really don’t have the time to write! i read your articles in Sunday Life,usually in a big hurry to see if there is anything interesting?
…the one thing that annoys me in your photo is,the hideous shoes!! i don’t care if they are in fashion at the moment,get different shoes and a new photo taken,it always distracts me from your writing…
cheers, Maria
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