the art of actively doing less (+ a Women’s Weekly shoot)
Shall I share some sweet irony with you? Or perhaps you’ll call it muddled, unfocused hypocrisy? Recently I flew to Sydney to appear in this Australian Women’s Weekly Christmas shoot below. Myself and a bunch of other (too?) oft-photographed ladies were asked “what’s the perfect gift that money can’t buy”. I said: “rest”.
As usual, the trip was frenetic and involved air-conditioned hotel rooms and flights and running late and chemical-ly makeup (although the team decided to go with a “natural look” for me, which is always a bit of a narcissistic conundrum when you’re the oldest and biggest on the shoot!). By the time I got to the studios I was, well, very unrested. And unanchored.
That night I lay awake in my hotel room unable to sleep. I hadn’t slept for weeks (months?). And in that moment I realised I had to put my book project on hold, which I shared with you here.
I needed rest. I had to really commit to getting it. I had to get real.
Irony…hypocrisy…whatever…truth comes and finds you.
Since all this I’ve had to have a good think about rest.
Resting is not just putting our feet up on the couch when we collapse in a heap, exhausted. Resting is a responsible way of living.
Resting is about consciously setting aside pockets of time ON A REGULAR BASIS – AS IN, DAILY – to unfurl and be quiet. I’ve commented on this before.
My approach is very much: sprint, rest, sprint, rest. Sprinting is fine – great, in fact, hoorah! – so long as we get our pockets of rest. Like interval training. Resting doesn’t have to be about going at a balanced, middle speed (like, say, a long jog). We need rest to recalibrate, to heal, to restore and to allow irony and hypocrisy and any other lessons to catch up. I’m not a fan of going moderately through life.
So. Sprint. Rest.
BUT, I’ve come to learn, we can’t just expect to take this pocket of rest whenever it suits. We DO have to plan for it. If we don’t actively structure our rest, it doesn’t happen.
Resting is about actively not doing. And/or actively undoing. And/or actively taking a big step back. “Actively”, you might note, is the operative here.
At Christmas, resting is about consciously, actively planning less, travelling less, buying less, trying less. It’s about taking every possible “less” step we can. I’ve done this, this year – I’m not organising to see 12938 people, I’m not doing the “let’s have a drink before Christmas” thing (which is so silly), I’m not doing fancy parties, I’m not doing presents. I’ve done this with my whole life these past few weeks, within the parameters of my sprinty life.
Last week I came across this mnmlist post about honing your focus (the rifle approach), instead of spreading yourself too thinly (the buckshot, or scattergun, approach). The point is made:
Fear of missing something important causes us to use the buckshot approach, and do too much. Most of what we do will miss, but we console ourselves that something will hit the important target. The problem is, we don’t know what the target is, and using the buckshot approach means
we’ll never get good at finding the target, nor good at aiming.
The rifle approach means you’ll be forced to figure out what’s important. You’ll be forced to get good at aiming, with practice.
This is another benefit of actively doing less: it hones, it gets us sturdy, it gets us aiming at what we want.
Which is the spirit I want to take with me to my family in Canberra at Christmas. I find Christmas hard. Mostly because I try too much and do too much (eldest daughter syndrome?). This is also the spirit I want to kick off 2012 with. Less = more.
You?
Sarah, what a stunning photo. You are so lovely.
Even the word ‘rest’ is peaceful, and I hope you get plenty of it.
(ps..have you lived in a tin shed before during summer?? Believe me, it’s a nightmare)
[Reply]
December 7th, 2011 at 11:48 am
Thank you! Yes,I was here most of the year…mercifully I have an ocean breeze and I rather like the “ache-y” sound of the tin in the sun
[Reply]
Great post, Sarah. I completely agree – when we rush from one thing to the next, are we really living? I always feel like I’m just ‘doing’ and not doing things well, I might add! When I take 5 minutes to meditate before going to bed, or get up a little earlier in the morning to just potter in my apartment, I find clarity and focus for the day.
Less is absolutely more and I too will be taking this mantra with me into 2012. By doing less, buying less etc, we can give more of our attention to the things that matter most.
I have tried it in the past, but have often felt guilty. Guilty when telling people I’m skipping a party to stay at home and ‘chill’. Guilty when saying I’m not doing presents this year because I find the whole thing unnecessarily stressful, and anyway, we already have everything we could ever want and need. So I’m going to work on not feeling guilty for taking time out to rest. Surely then, I will be able to give more to the people that matter most?
x
[Reply]
Sprint. Rest ? Learn to pace yourself more evenly. Rule of gravity – what goes up, must come down! And Xmas is only hard if we make it so. You’ve already eliminated the 0000 catch ups & parties, so perhaps this year try and relax also around your family (easier said than done). Hopefully they read this blog…..
[Reply]
December 7th, 2011 at 5:32 pm
Jim, they don’t read this blog. Which is a good thing!
[Reply]
December 7th, 2011 at 9:26 pm
Sarah, do your family not read by choice? Both of my children have set up blogs and we read everything they write. Sometimes we don’t agree, sometimes we cringe but no matter what they say, we are so proud of them. I hope your family are proud of you also, Sarah. I certainly would be if you were my daughter.
Best wishes
Kate
[Reply]
I know this goes against the whole concept of wanting less, buying less etc…. But those shoes are amazing!!!
[Reply]
December 7th, 2011 at 11:51 am
They’re not mine, so I have no idea where they’re from!! The dress is Carla Zampatti, though.
[Reply]
Let me get this right – you flew from BB to Sydney for a photo? Maybe it’s not just your body which needs a rest, but your ego too.
[Reply]
December 7th, 2011 at 11:49 am
Mia, you might not be aware, but this kind of thing is part of my job. But thanks for your judgement.
[Reply]
December 7th, 2011 at 3:03 pm
I just want to know one thing. Which is more important – your health or a magazine photo? I’m sure in your line of work there will always be opportunities for tv appearances, photo shoots etc… but how many opportunities do you get to repair your health?
[Reply]
December 7th, 2011 at 3:50 pm
Question for you, Mia – why do you think it has to be a choice..?
Hashimotos is a chronic illness most of us will have for life and will not fully “repair” no matter what we do.
I have Hashi’s and I have a really cruisey job. I don’t appear in magazine shoots or on tv, I don’t fly around the country, I’m under very little pressure… and I’m still sick. I spent 6 years putting off travel and study and all the things I loved waiting for the day to come when I was “better” – and have finally realised, I will never be miraculously cured. It’s highly unlikely. So why live a half-arsed life waiting for a day that might never come?
Clearly you have no experience with chronic illness so dont intend to sound like a wanker but what you are promoting is quite dangerous. The idea that anybody with illness or disability should stop living one’s life, and stop doing things that normal able-bodied people do, is all too prevalent in our society and needs to stop!! There is a reason that people with chronic illness and disability feel marginalized and depressed more often, and that is due to the narrow-minded and judgemental bullshit that gets spewed at us by able-bodied and privileged people who are too ignorant to look beyond their own prejudice. If Sarah was in a wheelchair and you suggested she stop living her life or following her passions because of a condition that was beyond her control, we’d all be lynching you. Why is Hashimoto’s any different just because you can’t see it?
Bottom line – you are judging someone for having a medical condition. Not cool, no matter how you phrase it.
December 7th, 2011 at 11:31 pm
Going to a photo shoot is not the death nell for a person’s health. Here you are again, being all Judgey McJudgerson. Instead, why don’t you try getting off your high horse and try to be a little nicer, perhaps.
Maybe even be happy for Sarah that she’s getting these opportunities? I mean, the more people who find her blog and learn about things like Hashimotos and eating/living well, the better IMHO.
December 7th, 2011 at 4:42 pm
Mia, in a previous blog titled ‘Sweetest Surrender’ I made it perfectly clear that I could not imagine what it must be like living with any kind of ongoing illness. What another commented also pointed out was that Sarah’s words and actions do not match up. For me, this is again obvious in todays blog. If you know your body well enough to see the signs that it’s time to stop and repair, then why go and upset things by travelling for a photo shoot when you know the likely outcome… “As usual, the trip was frenetic and involved air-conditioned hotel rooms and flights and running late… ? This is what I struggle with.
[Reply]
December 7th, 2011 at 5:38 pm
Mia, Mia B makes a valid point here. With illness, sometimes you just don’t know when you’re going to reach your tipping point. Some days I can handle travelling etc…with hashis there are so many variables that determine whether you feel fine or are almost unable to walk that it’s impossible to know whether today will be a good day or not. I gamble that it’s going to be a good day. Also, two other things:
- like EVERYONE ON THE PLANET, I have to keep getting slapped with lessons. My illness is my little reminder. I share my experiences with this because I think lots of people out there are the same. At no point do I claim to be perfect and sorted and “right”….
- which is kind of my second point…I often confess to being as Walt Whitman describes as “vast”. I have multitudes and I don’t profess to being consistent. Can anyone living a vast multifaceted life?
December 7th, 2011 at 5:43 pm
It seems to me what you are actually doing is victim-blaming. It’s quite common especially to anyone with any form of illness or disability. If people like you find a reason that something bad happened (the woman was raped because she was dressed like a slut, the person was robbed because they were too old and irresponsible, that person got bashed because they were Jewish, someone got sick because they spent too much time in photo shoots or whatever other blame you want to pin on them) then it cant happen to you, can it?
I cant speak for Sarah (and if I could I would probably mention that she has to earn a living and that is what she is doing in the photo shoot.) But I guess it is hard to explain the mentality of living with chronic disease until you’ve been there. The other week I drank a whole bottle of red wine to myself and stayed up late talking and laughing with my girlfriend, even though I knew I would pay for it later. Did it hurt? Yup. Do I regret it? NOPE! It was so much fun and I got to be a normal person for a night. Sometimes that 5% of the time when you break all the rules is so worthwhile it sustains you for the other 95% of the time when you eat right, behave yourself, avoid sugar and caffeine, have your blood tests, see your endo, meditate and sacrifice – all of which goes on behind the cameras, so to speak. I dont want to be perfect 100% of the time. Do you?
December 7th, 2011 at 5:44 pm
Mia, why on earth do you read this blog… I mean really? If you’re not interested then stop reading otherwise stop being so judgemental. You don’t seem to like much of what Sarah writes about so why keep reading? Just to criticise?
December 7th, 2011 at 7:02 pm
Another thought – people often commit to things both professionally and personally weeks or months ahead of time. Who knows when you’re going to be feeling well or ill or tired or bored. Choosing whether to go ahead with something and whether to cancel is often quite the complicated issue, and the consequences aren’t just for the individual involved.
December 7th, 2011 at 10:05 pm
I have been reading this blog since 2009, but you’ll be all pleased to know I’m now ditching this site. I’d prefer to follow someone who is true to themselves (and their readers) and faces challenges rather than running (or riding) away from them.
And Mia Bluegirl, try and lose the chip from your shoulder.
December 7th, 2011 at 11:39 pm
I agree with Mia B. Mia is indulging in both victim blaming and trolling. Are people with chronic health conditions meant to do absolutely nothing, live in a bubble and die of boredom?
I am a yoga teacher with Hashimoto’s. I know other yoga teachers with chronic health conditions like ME. Are we all meant to stop what we’re doing and wrap ourselves in cotton wool, just to appease people like you who think we are living “contradictory” lives?
The only way to keep living and enjoying this existence is to try and find a balance. Like Sarah said, we don’t always get it right, but trying and learning is all part of the experience of being human.
As you’ve said yourself, you have no idea what it’s like to have this kind of health concern. Having Hashimoto’s doesn’t affect one’s intelligence. Perhaps you can safely assume that people like us are doing the best we can and mostly we aren’t over-doing it.
Because that’s basically what’s happening, okay? And if we do over-do things? That doesn’t mean we aren’t being true to ourselves. Just that we’re human.
December 7th, 2011 at 7:33 pm
Mia – maybe Sarah actually enjoys doing photo shoots. Maybe, like most of us, she is trying to find a happy balance between work, rest, play and life. Maybe, just maybe, she didn’t know that flying to Sydney to do a photo shoot was going to set her health back a couple of steps. And maybe if you dislike her posts and the way she is doing things so much you should go and find another blog to trash (I know Perez Hilton is a fan of judgement). Sorry but your comment is judgemental and unhelpful. If you can’t say anything nice…well you know how it goes. Merry Christmas! Steph
[Reply]
December 8th, 2011 at 8:54 am
Sometimes, Mia, you are what you judge. I think this might be one of those times. Who’s the one with the chip on their shoulder, hmm? I’m glad for Sarah’s sake that you are “ditiching this blog” because the last thing she needs on top of the stresses of life and illness is your judgement. I feel a bit sorry for you. It must be lonely up there on your perch of perfection, looking down on all of us struggling, imperfect people.
[Reply]
December 9th, 2011 at 2:23 pm
My goddess. There sure are a lot of pots calling the kettle black in this wee thread. If you on this thread aren’t judging Mia (for her valid questioning of Sarah’s contradictory posts) then I don’t know what you’re doing. Once again Sarah’s hysterical cheerleading squad jump in and, (yes you do), speak for Sarah. Anyone who dares go against the thread gets shot down. By the same squad. Over and over. If we’re talking about reflections here…
Sarah’s blog can be so informative and interesting. I have learnt much from it. And her. I too live in Byron Shire, practice yoga, meditate, try to eat well, be physical and already practice most of what Sarah preaches. I just wish Sarah would allow herself to do the same. I’d guess that this is what frustrates Mia too. But hey from that I also learn how not to be. I was once ‘out there’ too. But now I’m back here, being where it’s a lovely place to be. Namaste Sarah. May you enjoy finding your way too.
December 10th, 2011 at 7:57 am
Mia, good luck finding that perfect someone to follow. Real people make mistakes, misjudge themselves and what they can do; can’t predict the future; want to keep giving it a go; hope that things have changed this time – and start their posts with “perhaps you’ll call it muddled, unfocused hypocrisy?” I don’t think Sarah has ever said that she is perfect or that she has all the answers. She’s simply sharing her thoughts, discoveries and research with us. I assume she struggles with life, illness, decision-making, etc., like everyone else. It’s a long, long journey and we live and learn.
[Reply]
Dear Sarah,
Personally, I think it’s fantastic that you can abstain from sugar even while having such a busy schedule! The holidays were just enough to pull me down. Sadly, I’m left feeling like I just had a hangover because I ate sugar. Yes, it’s that bad. How, in your busy life, are you able to have the mental strength not to just eat sugar!
[Reply]
December 7th, 2011 at 11:50 am
I do find it hard at times. I actually ate choc cake on the weekend…it made me so sick…so that in itself helps. It’s a little easier for me living out of a city and also not having kids. I also cook a lot and have people over to eat, so I can dictate the menu!!
[Reply]
December 7th, 2011 at 12:08 pm
Sarah, why did you eat chocolate cake (moment of weakness, craving)? But good on you for sharing this. I have slipped up many times over the past 8 wks but have been too guilty to tell anyone! Just need to remind myself that I’m only human.
[Reply]
December 7th, 2011 at 3:13 pm
Thanks for those words of encouragement! That really does help me see that this addiction is just something I have to take a step at a time. And when I fall down, I’m very much aware that I’ll get right back up!
[Reply]
December 7th, 2011 at 8:44 pm
Yes, and further to the discussion above…it was my best friend’s 40th birthday and it was gluten free and I reasoned it was OK to take part and enjoy the cake.
December 8th, 2011 at 6:55 am
As much as I don’t like saying this, because whatever makes you unwell should be valid, but when I tell people I have chronic reflux and sugar is the main culprit – which it is – everyone is absolutely understanding. No-one even bothers to try to convince me that one bit of cake – or whatever – won’t hurt. It’s as if everyone can identify with the discomfort of reflux because it’s so common. I have a sensitivity to gluten, on the other hand, and people ask me if I’m Coeliac. When I say ‘no’ then they WILL try to push that piece of cake on me, as if it’s OK because it’s not real – it’s not actually Coeliac.
For me, the hardest part of not being 100% well is having to explain it to people.
Oh, Sarah, I did so identify with your REST theory – I’ve been doing it for the last six months – and again the hardest part is explaining it to people – but it’s so much better than rushing about trying to be everything to everyone all the time.
I think Mia made the right decision not to read the blog anymore – given that she’s one of the people we probably spend all our energy explaining ourselves to. Let’s just not do that anymore……..
[Reply]
December 9th, 2011 at 4:34 am
I deal with that a lot, too. People just don’t understand and they get almost angry with you for having a different view on things. Granted, I don’t have a disease that affects me, I reckon that can almost be worse. People think that if you’re healthy you should (and by golly, we want to force you to!) eat that cake! But they don’t understand how you got to that point…
December 8th, 2011 at 4:13 am
I’m glad I read this as well. I’m in week two of being sugar free. A friend gave me and my family a batch of Christmas treats on Saturday. I wasn’t going to eat them but then that late night craving for sugar came and…. I gave in. I felt like such a loser for breaking my own rules. The part in the Sarah’s ebook about if you slip up- reflect and think about how you feel.If you mess up but still have the same goal in mind then you are still moving forward.
After I ate the sweet treats I wanted to say screw trying to be sugar free because I always fail. Then, I thought about it and decided this week I would be sugar free again… but do better by not slipping up on the weekend. ON WITH IT… I will continue to improve myself each week until I succeed!!!
[Reply]
I have such mixed feelings about Christmas. I really want to have positive feelings about it like I did as a child, but I lost a parent 8 years ago at Christmas and I just cant do it. Every year I expect that THIS will be the year when its ok, but it always rips a hole in my heart. Something about the contrast of grief with everyone else’s bright, cheery, tinsel-filled happiness just makes the loneliness so much worse.
I think a lot of the struggle with auto-immune disease is owning your own hipocrisy. For some reason yesterday I felt like I really needed to go smash out an intense gym work-out, so I did. It felt AMAZING. I have tried for years for balance and, honestly? Sprint then rest seems to work for me a lot better now I think about it. It’s a real relief to hear you put it in words! Its a see-saw, but it keeps me sane – and mimicks a normal, non-AI life which I think is important. It’s vital to resemble a “normal” person as much as possible.
You look truly stunning in those pictures Sarah! How lovely. I dont usually read tabloids but I might need to check that one out. Thanks for sharing. xx
[Reply]
Very timely for me to read this Sarah as I am currently feeling very overwhelmed and like I have ‘no time to rest’. I am the lucky duck who won the IIN scholarship and I am LOVING the course but finding it so much what with my work (from home while my son sleeps), taking care of him, and three days after I enrolled in the course I found out I was pregnant so struggling big time with first trimester tiredness (finding myself falling to sleep listening to lectures on the iPod – annoying!)
What this post has reminded me is that I am no good to anyone, least of all myself, if I don’t factor the rest in. It’s hard with a toddler but I must do it, otherwise all the lovely things in my life will go unnoticed in a blur of tiredness.
Thanks for the reminder and I hope you have a restful Christmas x
[Reply]
December 7th, 2011 at 5:38 pm
Lisa take some comfort in knowing the tests are really very easy!
[Reply]
Wow Sarah, you look like a Christmas angel!
I hope you enjoyed your bike ride in NZ. Haven’t been there for many years, but we have always found it a great place to help us slow down a bit. I would say Bryon Bay is also a lovely place to unwind. Take care.
(Just an update on ‘schoolies week’. I have since discovered there is so such thing as Top Shop Taxis! Top Shop is in fact a cafe and my daughter conned me out of $300. And what do you think she spent this money on? Tattoos. She unveiled her latest masterpiece at her Yr 12 Graduation dinner, much to our absolute horror.)
[Reply]
December 7th, 2011 at 12:50 pm
Let it go. The time when tattoos represented a less than salubrious life is long past. I have 5, one of which is quite large, and they are just an expression of creativity.
Just because something is different to the way you do it (or did it) doesn’t make it wrong. Try being a little more open minded, you might find yourself a lot happier. Not about the lying and stealing money though, that’s despicable.
[Reply]
December 7th, 2011 at 1:21 pm
Hey Jan. Oh dear. Yes, I know the Top Shop well. The conning part of the equation is what is a total bummer, I imagine. I presume, however, she got home safely. Thanks for the update!
[Reply]
Thanks for this post Sarah. The last 5 weeks I have not been sleeping well. Anxiety has crept in. In a major way. I have a 2.5 year old so it has made life really hard. I saw my GP this week and we have a plan and I think I will have to start some meds this week.
It is always great to have a good reminder about meaningful rest.
[Reply]
The photo is really lovely, you are beautiful.
Sarah, you have great insight. Consider this a gift, and let it ‘always’ be your guide
I love my quotes etc, so sharing the following.
The little world of childhood with its familiar surroundings is a model of the greater world. The more intensively the family has stamped its character upon the child, the more it will tend to feel and see its earlier miniature world again in the bigger world of adult life. Naturally this is not a conscious intellectual process.
(Carl Jung – The Theory of Psychoanalysis – 1913)
On reflection of this, maybe this is why many many people become unsettled and uncomfortable in later adult life, because they are living different values and a more materialistic existence compared to their upbringing, which may have been a more simple existence without extravagances and unnecessary indulgences.
That is where insight is precious, as some have the ability to search and maybe recognise what is the cause of this uneasiness within ourselves.
[Reply]
Yes, I have found amongst my peers that many people wear their ‘busy-ness’ like a badge of honour. You know, “How have you been?” “Oh, just soooo busy!” yet in the next breath they will say “Did you watch last week’s episode of ?”
We each only have 24 hours in every day – how we choose to spend those hours is a matter of personal priority.
I do not act like a nice person when I am feeling over-tired, over-stretched and over-whelmed, and I do not wish to live my life like that. I do not wish to parent my children like that, they deserve better.
So… I spend a lot of time in my back garden with the kids, lying on the trampoline looking up at the sky and the shapes of the clouds… lovely!
[Reply]
December 7th, 2011 at 2:18 pm
Yes, I agree with you about the badge of honour. It is just crazy!!!
Being of the ahem ‘mature’ generation I believe it is a generation thing, does it give them a sense of importance or relevance. I say, feeding the ego more likely. Good on you keep enjoying the moment. I feel, to some, if you are not busy out of your brain, you are not doing anything with your life. It is so bizarre!!
[Reply]
December 7th, 2011 at 8:13 pm
Hear hear, mum of four! This has been one of my pet hates since teenagerhood.
[Reply]
December 8th, 2011 at 4:37 am
mum of four,
“……… You know, “How have you been?” “Oh, just soooo busy!” yet in the next breath they will say “Did you watch last week’s episode of ?”” ——- I LOVE IT! This is SO true
“I do not act like a nice person when I am feeling over-tired,…..” —— I Love it again. I concur.
“So… I spend a lot of time in my back garden with the kids, lying on the trampoline …..” —– I think I will do this with my boys when they get home from school.
I am 28 and in the last few years my friends/acquaintances will talk about how busy they are and all the activities their kids are involved in.
It gives me anxiety even thinking about all they do. Often, I will feel I am not living my life to the fullest and not giving my kids enough opportunities.
After reading this, my doing less is confirmed to be “okay”. Even if it is confirmed by people on the other side of the world
[Reply]
December 8th, 2011 at 7:26 am
This is how it happens: You go out and about like mad when you’re a teenager/early-twenties – studying, working, partying – and you just keep finding the energy to do it because you’re having a great time. Then you have your first child and – if you’re really, really lucky (and I was) – you get to slow right down and bask in the gorgeousness of having a baby and no real timetable – if not the rot starts to set in. Either way, and bit by bit, you end up with more and more and more to do. Kids to run around – because you want to give them the best life you can – partner to help get out to work – because you’re in a partnership and want to support him. Then your parents start to age and need you to help out a bit – and you do it because you owe them so much for everything they’ve done for you. Then you start thinking about your career/future/retirement and start taking on more and more at work. Before you know it you’re oh so busy – and you don’t know how you got there!
Please don’t be too judgemental – I’m sure we all know those people who seem to need to be busy, perhaps the busier you are the less you have to really look at your life – but some people are too busy because there’s no other way to do it.
[Reply]
December 8th, 2011 at 9:37 am
Gigi, very true. My life is busy not to my choice. Two kids, working full time (as a teacher), keeping up a house, and having a husband with an autoimmune disease takes up A LOT of time… that I cannot control.
When I speak of some of my friends I am talking about the ones that have all this (minus sick husband) and do extra volunteering, extra-curricular activities, and have their kids in multiple after school activities and some how find the time to go out a few nights a week. When I hear of all they do it makes me feel I don’t live my life to the fullest. After reading people’s posts and what Sarah said it makes me feel “okay” that I don’t do the extra stuff.
Sarah,
I have learnt a lot from you this year and with all of your research and using yourself as a ‘test’ model, I have become much healthier. You have helped make some of my concerns about my approach to living my best life – that are sometimes contradictory to the ‘norm’ become less of an issue. The fact that you put it out there for so many to eithr join you or to judge you is also an exhaustive process that you happily(?) endure too. Something I know that I would struggle with. But I do think that your plans for 2012 – less = more is a delighful thing for you to do. I just hope you heed your own wonderful advice. Take a moment (or two or three) just to be you! We all need to do this more often as you never know what awaits you around the corner. And when you reach that corner, wouldn’t it be better to be able to approach that corner than have to cower away because you didn’t take the time when you should have to look after the one person that needs our greatest attention – ourselves. All the very best to you.
[Reply]
December 7th, 2011 at 8:45 pm
Miranda, that’s heartening advice. And thank you. x
[Reply]
There’s a great book that’s been around a while that talks about the management of energy rather than time. I believe they are onto something. We all have different levels of energy and some people get tired just looking at what other people do. The main premise is about being fully engaged with what you are doing which goes along with you’re rifle/buckshot theory. The book is called The Power of Full Engagement Jim Loehr & Tony Schwartz
I think this can be applied to family in another way. Rather than go with expectations (and for some fears). Try just to be there and see what happens. I met this great Australian girl a few years ago and we found ourselves at this god awful event. We both looked at the room with dread and she said ‘OK we’d better just get into then hadn’t we?’ and it’s stayed with me. Just BE where ever you are. People always appreciate and love you for your presence.
[Reply]
December 7th, 2011 at 5:39 pm
Energy management….nice!
[Reply]
December 8th, 2011 at 10:48 am
These guys had an article 2-3 years ago in Harvard Business Review, Manage Your Energy Not Your Time. I pdf’d it and it’s one of those articles I consistently go back to and refer people to. Very holistic approach whereas time management only looks at one area of possible improvement.
[Reply]
December 8th, 2011 at 10:51 am
Found free copy online if anyone interested:
http://leadershipdevelopment.iiwiki.edu.au/file/view/Manage+your+energy+not+your+Time+-+HBR.pdf/72537947/Manage+your+energy+not+your+Time+-+HBR.pdf
December 8th, 2011 at 11:55 am
Hey, Eilish and Ele. Thanks so much for these references and for the story about the Australian girl. I get such constant inspiration from the conversations that you generate from those honest folk on this blog, Sarah. People share such personal things on subjects and I always really appreciate everyone who contribute in honest and interesting information, as well as further reading and insights we can look up. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed with life I just want to cry but I read a lot on current as well as past blogs and some of the comments help as much as what you write about, Sarah.
[Reply]
Hi Sarah
This is a great post! I am like you – I now don’t do the xmas drinks and the craziness but this lesson was learnt the hard way after years of running myself ragged. I also travel extensively for work and therefore everything I need to do at home, including socialising, has to get packed into 2 or 3 days a week. At some point I decided enough was enough nda regularly just cancel and refuse all invites just so I can have time and space for me.
Good on you and thanks for sharing your experiences so honestly.
Christina
[Reply]
We will escape to the hills of Sri Lanka. No electricity, no technology, healthy fresh food and time with our daughter. Away from the madness of alcohol, over-eating and over-consumption in general.
[Reply]
I don’t think this post is contradictory. I think it acknowledges that you are wearing yourself thin. That you value all the facets of your life. And that your aim is less is more for 2012. Brave and real. A post worth sharing. So I did.
[Reply]
I bought the AWW yesterday and when it came to your photo i yelled to mum ‘oh Sarah’s in here’. It’s funny Sarah because mum and i both read this blog (and have tried several of your recipes, successfully too i might add) so sometimes we talk about you like youre a person we both know. Sometimes i say to mum ‘Sarah says’ or ‘Sarah did this’, probably sounds a little freaky to you but dropping your blog entries into my daily conversation is becoming a bit of a habit !
You look beautiful in the photo (the nicest and most natural photo of the lot i thought)
[Reply]
December 7th, 2011 at 8:48 pm
JR, that made me smile. And, yes, it does freak me out a little. I do forget people ACTUALLY READ this!
[Reply]
January 21st, 2012 at 8:24 am
I don’t want to freak you out even more Sarah, but my 10 y.o. son knows who you are (looking over my shoulder whilst reading your blog)!
[Reply]
A lovely photo and a good message – well done
My family’s “less” this Christmas is to replace our grownups’ Secret Santa with a family donation – taking turns each year to choose the charity.
[Reply]
I really relate to your comments about not always knowing when something is going to be too much. I’ve had a newly diagnosed illness this year and have spent alot of time trying to figure out the warning signs. But, for me anyway, it seems like sometimes I can ‘get away’ with pushing myself and sometimes the smallest, everyday things can be too much. I’ve concluded that I have to try to conserve energy where I can, expend it on things that are meaningful to me and, if I choose to ‘push’ myself, be prepared to wear the consequences. This has been the only way I’ve managed to keep working and to maintain some family life.
[Reply]
Dear Sarah,
Just a little note at the end of the year to say thanks for creating this forum. I don’t actually read the Sunday papers anymore – I just come here. I don’t always agree with you – often strongly disagree! – but I so value the thought, time and vulnerabilty you expend in creating this online space. I hope your generosity is repaid in kind in 2012 – and then some.
Merry Christmas x
[Reply]
December 8th, 2011 at 1:49 pm
I love this, August. I could not have said it any better. I often disagree with Sarah but I admire her willingness to stumble around a bit publicly as she works things out. It’s helpful and often the people who join in have terrific insights. Thank you, Sarah, and may 2012 be kind to you!
[Reply]
I live in Cape Town and i love reading your blog. I was diagnosed with Hashimotos a few years ago and i can relate so much with what you write about it. I try to be “strong” to pretend i can cope with everything etc… when actually the world inside me is just crumbling. It is very tough as it is an illness that people cannot physically think, people judge you wrongly. I had to cope with travelling to France 3 or 4 times a year to look after my elderly parents who have now passed away. Some days i thought i was not going to make it. I am glad that they never knew how ill i felt most of the time, i tried to hide my aches and pain ad exhaustion.
[Reply]
i loved your photo – if you were the oldest and the biggest well good on you … I know this is part of your job and I am happy you can earn a living from something you are good at and love.
as to 2012 I am sure your aim will come in …. i am taking 2012 to find my aim – i won’t work at my real job, i’m staying in and refocusing, we are slimming down financially and physically and i am trying to locate my still self. this isn’t easy for an over active doer like me
but the beach house is part of the plan. my best to you le xox
[Reply]
Really good to hear that actively planning for rest is the best way to manage our delicate mind, body and spirit in our chaotic society.
[Reply]
I hesitate to leave a comment, because last time I did I got smacked around the chops a fair bit (your sweetest surrender post)!
And I dunno – are you really interested in what we think or would you prefer we kept our thoughts to ourselves (not trying to be provocative here – sincerely asking)?
I hear what you are saying about your lifestyle/job and your disease not co-existing well, but I can’t help but think you are continually banging your head against a brick wall.
It’s like ‘you want what you want’ and nothing is going to stop you.
I get that – who doesn’t think like that?
But surely there comes a time when you think – there’s more than one way to skin a cat. When you keep smacking head first into an obstacle, surely you think – hmm….there must be another way around? Does it have to be ‘all or nothing’?
Maybe you are looking in all the wrong places.
And “ego is not a dirty word”.
We’ve all got one.
They can be terrible bullies though.
“I’m not a fan of going moderately through life”.
Why?
Will you be less interesting?
Will your life experience be lessened?
Will you not appreciate your life as fully?
I’ve heard you make that comment before – I reckon there’s fear motivating that thought.
I sincerely hope 2012 WILL help you to truly appreciate LESS=MORE.
Good luck – it ain’t easy.
(ps. I really enjoy your blog – you always give me food for thought.
I reckon I’d still like it even if it wasn’t so full of ‘doing stuff’.
It’s not the ‘stuff’ I’m drawn to – it’s what’s inside YOU and that doesn’t change
just coz you put your life into a different speed.)
[Reply]
December 9th, 2011 at 7:29 am
This is food for thought.
I’ve had an image of myself banging my head against a wall for a really long time. It set me of in search of another way to do ‘life’. I don’t think it’s a change you can make overnight, but something to have as, perhaps, a five-year plan. So far I’ve changed jobs, changed GPs, let go of a lot of things I felt I ‘had’ to do; and there’s more on my list……… I love the ego being a bully analogy; I’d never thought of it that way, but will from now on. BulIying should never be tolerated, and our ego is a good place to start!
[Reply]
December 9th, 2011 at 2:49 pm
Yep, it does take time. But it is possible. I have no desire to do half the things my ego wishes to pursue. All I want to do is just be. Here. Right now. I drive slowly, listen selectively and observe intently. My life is easy and full of simple pleasures. And most of all I can breathe oh so softly.
Freefalling, I wholeheartedly agree with all you have said. It’s all a matter of perspective.
This is why I read Sarah’s blog. The contrast reminds me to stay on this path.
[Reply]
December 10th, 2011 at 8:22 am
Jayne, your life sounds lovely. Just what I’m aiming for – and I’m almost there. I do think that we all try to do too much – and sometimes we have to look at why we are doing it. Is it what we want or what we think we SHOULD want? When I think of Sarah I see her spending time ‘floating’ around Byron recharging her batteries and then flying off somewhere to earn the money to be able to return to Byron to recharge – and on it goes. That seems to me to be a realistic way to do things – given that we have to earn money to live. The trick is how to do it so that the you have the energy to earn your living without it draining everything from you.
I’m with August and Stephanie…beautifully said.
[Reply]
I love this notion of ‘rest’, this year I have decided to spend christmas with only my fiance. Usually I spread myself between both parents separately plus partners family.. christmas just becomes stressful with a lot of driving.
I hope you are feeling better, you look stunning.
Hala x
[Reply]
Thanks for posting this today – it was exactly what I needed to hear. I agree with everyone above who talks about the ‘busyness disease’ that so many of us struggle with. I have just finished a year of over-commitment, and have declared that for me, 2012 is the Year of Pleasing Myself – taking time for me and my family, not scattering my energy and over-committing myself as I have done in the past.
I’m not doing any volunteer work, and I’m letting all my kids’ after-school activities go for a while. I hope when they’re grown up they’ll remember a lot of childhood time swinging on swings and playing with each other, rather than being in the back of the car going to lots of lessons…
I hope your Christmas is a lovely, peaceful one, and that you find your ‘balance’ again soon. I love this blog too.
Catherine
[Reply]
Thought of you when I saw this great talk by Alisa Vitti about the role a woman’s menstrual cycle plays in her overall health, happiness, creativity, and communication. Have you seen/read any of her work? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9vKRj9yV8pI
[Reply]
[...] Sarah Wilson’s post this week was a timely reminder of the importance of rest. Prone to not resting and going a million miles an hour, I’ll be making an effort these holidays to slow down and just be. Here’s what I’ll be doing and if you think drinking wine doesn’t count, I’m sure my besties will disagree! [...]
[...] // The art of actively doing less by Sarah [...]
Woah, these comments have me miffed.. I’m shocked that (some) people had such a negative reaction to Sarah’s positive message. I come here to read what Sarah has to say, not to emulate or idolise her “perfect” life and choices. I think Sarah is wonderful, but of course she is human like everybody else, and her willingness to bare all is one of the reasons I admire her.
Anyway, I initially clicked on the comments section just to say that the mnmlist quote really rang true to me. I am a natural “scanner” but scanning leaves me scattered and unsure of myself. When I focus, I am more balanced and centred, and happier too.
Thank you for all that you do, Sarah. xx
[Reply]
Yup, me too.
It’s the same as with any blog; take what you want from it; make a positive comment if you think you have something to share; move on if it’s not for you – pretty simple!
I concur with Laura; and thank you Sarah for sharing yourself and the things you find out on our behalf.
Quitting sugar is one of the best things I’ve done so far. I did read David Gillespie first, but having this blog to come to; and having things popping up in my RSS feed from Sarah, has made it easy.
Less really IS more!
[Reply]
Thanks Sarah, I really enjoy the reflection your blog encourages. I recently read this blog about rest..or really just stopping http://www.margiehartley.com/home/2011/10/a-raw-and-unpleasant-truth/ it is very powerful.
[Reply]
[...] fulfilling life and, when I need it, stepping back, taking stock, giving myself time to rest and practicing the art of actively doing less. I’d like to practice yoga and meditation more fully, take more photographs of the beauty all [...]
[...] fulfilling life and, when I need it, stepping back, taking stock, giving myself time to rest and practicing the art of actively doing less. I’d like to practice yoga and meditation more fully, take more photographs of the beauty all [...]