Some of you have asked me about how I’ve made my (many, many) transitions in life. How I’ve changed careers, towns, life approaches.
I’ve been asked, variously: how do you know when it’s time to move on? How do you pick that delicate juncture between opportunity lost and opportunity ready to be gained? How do you know what’s right? How do you… know?
Often it looks like I just jump, often from a grand height. I guess I do. But in the past few years it’s been to the beat of some pretty cool imagery I was given a few years back. I thought I’d share it.
You see, I used to see a “spiritual coach” (called, appropriately, Sky) years ago. I was editing Cosmopolitan at the time and I charged Sky with “grounding me” and keeping me real in a world that I really didn’t want to get lost in. We had a weekly appointment on a Thursday.
When it came time, four years in, to leave the job I had a really tough time making the decision. Not that anyone knew.
I was really unwell (I had adrenal collapse and hashimotos, but didn’t realise) and struggling, but it was a friggen great job. Should I dump everything – quit my job and enter the unknown? Surely it has to be better than the quagmire I was dragging my limbs around in. Or do I persevere? After all, most people just have to. They have kids and mortgages and dropping out of a job just isn’t an option they can consider. I envied their lack of choice. Was I being indulgent?
It was the unknown bit that daunted me. The lack of guarantees.
And the fear that I was being unnecessary. That the starving children in Africa didn’t fret they were living an existential lie.
I remember thrashing it out with Sky: What if it’s just me and not the circumstances…and I quit my job and things only get worse? Because what if I had this wrong? What if life really was about getting a secure footing on the conveyorbelt and neatly passing from school to job to partner to holidays in Port Macquarie? What if this is as meaningful as it gets?
What if I’d overcomplicated things and when I do pursue the unknown, it’s no better? Wherever I go, there I am. A cloud of over-thinking and deliberation in my wake.
I’ve asked these same questions so many times in my life. I asked it when both my previous longterm relationships came to an end. I fretted whether I’d ever find anyone better. At 27 I was willing to take that risk. At 34, I was more tentative and I doubted myself and whether I was doing the right thing, which made the post-breakup pain more protracted. As an aside, that’s what long recovery periods are. They’re rarely a reflection of the love you felt in the relationship. It’s more closely related to the level of self-doubt you emerge with. It can take years to recalibrate and realize the unknown is OK, that you were not wrong. It took me three years to recalibrate after my second love.
I went through it when I deferred my law studies to travel for a year. What if I was wasting a year in which I could be getting ahead? Our default position is safety. We’re programmed biologically to not expend unnecessary energy. Unless, of course, something bigger than base survival instinct tugs at us.
But then Sky shared this:
“The thing about life, sweetheart, is this.
When we take a leap from a secure place into the unknown, we’re always carried to the next stage safely.
“When we finally get the courage to just jump, we freefall for a bit. But then, as we’re falling, we grow angel wings that carry us on to the next solid platform, to the next stage.”
I’m not much of an “angels wings” type. But I got the gist. Life supports us, it just does.
Sky added this:
“The problem is, we all want to go out and buy ourselves a set of angel wings first, before we jump. But there’s no such thing as an angel wing shop.”
There most certainly isn’t.
When I jump I always feel alone and naked.
Sometimes we just have to trust the tugging and jump. We don’t know why and we won’t until we’re falling. We just have to hope the bloody angels knew where we’re heading.
Agreed…the body seems to know when it is time to jump, to take a quickstep forwards…but the scary bit is coz the mind takes longer to get up to speed. To calibrate. At least that’s been my experience, having done a couple of these ‘jumps’ lately xx
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Ooooh i loooove this imagery!.The big thing for me is that feeling that I’m asking for too much if, when everything is going great, I get very philosophical and keep asking “is this it?” It can often make you feel like you’re being ungrateful for the million blessings you already have. Thanks Sarah – i love it when you do these sort of posts xx
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Wow, have you just tapped into my consciousness? My bet is its one alot of us share. I relate so totally to the ‘is it just me’ question that the mind uses to create heaps of doubt, while the body suffers on..our whole being suffers. I know the conveyor belt, the envy of the stuck ones-how bizarre. I could go on and on, but Sarah what you’ve just shared is healing, so healing for me..the power of story..and not feeling alone. Did you know you’re a healer? Yes, your experiences + wisdom + talent with words= healing, for anyone willing to embrace it, for those it was meant for. Gratitude to you!
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April 13th, 2012 at 9:22 am
Sarah, that’s really nice of you to say. I’m glad. Touched!
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April 13th, 2012 at 11:43 am
Ha! Ditto Sarah and Sarah. You are both inside my head!
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April 13th, 2012 at 1:44 pm
Sarah x 3
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I love this. It’s exactly my philosophy too. Sadly some people just never get it and sometimes see our jumps as being rashly made decisions, but they usually well thought out leaps of faith. Having a crack and the confidence that it will be ok.
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You hit on one cornerstone of my fear…to fantasize about my future or ideas when other people can’t even afford to buy food. I always feel like such a shallow, spoiled brat that I kill my excitement and get with the picture. Someone else’s picture. It’s comforting to read that other people think about this too. Thanks.
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OMG!!! I SO needed to read this today!!!!! Thank you Sarah!!! Amazing!! Incredible!!! You rock girl! ooxoxox
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Oh Sarah – oh how I love Friday ‘s Sweeter Life!
‘Did she jump or was she pushed?’ Sometimes we find ourselves falling before we even noticed we’ve lost our footing…
I reckon life is often like free-fall parachuting (if you want a non-Angel analogy). 1000, 2000, 3000 – pull the cord and whoosh – you’ve been swept up again. Having been pushed a while back, I can now feel the updraught and am grateful for the calmer view of my future world. And yet – my view is blurred. Maybe it comes with the years but now I am looking forward to landing in spaces unknown
Cue Tom Petty tune!
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I’ve made the leap in relationships and jobs, though it feels like a lifetime ago now. It’s always good to know in yourself you can jump and be your own safety net.
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Love this post Sarah. I’m a fellow metaphorical leaper (I’m yet to leap out of a plane or bungee). Growth and strength comes through vulnerability and, like a cat, leapers always land on their feet – sometimes not quite where they expected, but always safe and sound. I’m working on a post about the importance of saying ‘yes’ – it’s a similar concept really. The hardest thing you have to do is to say ‘yes’ – the rest kind of sorts itself out in the background. Love your work! Constantly inspired by your ‘give it a go’ attitude. Where most people would ask ‘why’, I like those who ask ‘why not’?
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Thanks Sarah. How come you always post on my own question for the day!?
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“I fretted whether I’d ever find anyone better..sounds like you decided your boyfriends weren’t good enough for you. If you’re going to be that picky, no wonder you’re still single.
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April 13th, 2012 at 10:23 am
Umm yeah, cause lowering ones standards is the key to finding happiness in a relationship…!!
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April 13th, 2012 at 10:31 am
The comment was ‘….find anyone better’. To me that means there was nothing wrong with the person she was already with. But I guess it doesn’t help when a parnter cheats..
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April 13th, 2012 at 10:54 am
Becca, your comments seem unnecessarily nasty and you come off sounding quite bitter. It certainly doesn’t fit with the type of people you normally read Sarah’s fantastic blog, and they really don’t add anything to the discussion on such an insightful and touching post.
April 13th, 2012 at 11:19 am
What a hurtful and unnecessary thing to say.
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April 13th, 2012 at 1:24 pm
Perfectly put, Jay.
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April 13th, 2012 at 11:46 am
to my mind came-” if you dont have anything nice to say, dont say anything at all.
‘. Seems uneccessary comment to aim at someone so generous with their thoughts, feelings and ideas.
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April 13th, 2012 at 12:34 pm
I always find the comments a person makes (nasty or otherwise) often reveals more abt the commenter than the “commented”……
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April 13th, 2012 at 1:48 pm
Becca, I don’t think you really think I thought they weren’t good enough for me. A hasty reading of my point, perhaps.
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I really needed this today! I am deciding between whether I should leave my job, perhaps I should just job!
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April 13th, 2012 at 11:42 am
Exciting Jessica, I wonder what waits if or when you jump. All the best
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What a wonderful post. I went through this very recently. I had a high stress job that I did not like and it was causing me health issues that I could not get under control. I made the leap of faith and quit the job, it is an amazing feeling to be scared to take the jump while also feeling a huge sense of relief!
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It’s starting to become quite a pattern that when I navigate to your site your words are exactly what I needed to hear or have been pondering myself. I like to think it’s the Universe steering me in the right direction, and giving me one of the signs I need to do something.
I like what you said about working in magazines and trying to stay grounded in a world you didn’t want to get lost in. I know exactly where you’re coming from. There are so many aspects of this industry that just jar with my personal beliefs and the kind of world I like to create for myself.
I’ve been holding back from a career change I would love to make because of fear of the deep dark unknown, fear that I should stay where I am because it’s a job and it pays the rent, and as you said fear that I will change and the same issues will nag at me and I’ll discover it’s just me, wherever I go and whatever I do.
As always, I love your voice Sarah and things you say, they are always exactly what I need to hear.
As an aside, it is amazing how cathartic it is to open up to a collection of strangers!
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April 13th, 2012 at 1:49 pm
Anon, good luck. If you’re in that mag industry…doubly so!
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The chinese 5 elements say that Autumn is the time for metal.
During metal time, often we are energetically pushed to let go of anything that is not of true value to us at this time of our lives.
It is also very much about connection to spirit. When we are connected to our spirits (or higher self/ god/universe) then letting go becomes easier – as you said, the wings come!
During Autumn, often the body will let us know when its time to let go with lung, skin or bowel issues.
Such an appropriate time for this awesome article Sarah!
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April 13th, 2012 at 1:49 pm
Ah, interesting stuff. Thanks Emma.
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Hi Sarah, thanks for sharing, I love it when you write these types of blogs.
I made a very big jump quite some years ago, I moved my children and I away from my family and support network. At times I wondered if I was doing the right thing, was I being selfish? Should I have stayed and carried on with what I was doing? (which wasn’t exactly for my highest good) something inside me said go… and I did. It was scary at times however when I look back, I know I made the right decision. I’m doing what I love, I have three amazing teenagers, I met and married a wonderful man who adores my children and I adore his and I’m really grateful for my life.
I’m still jumping too and have noticed I’m always taken care of and the wings really do appear when we jump! xx
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tre cool post x
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LOVE. Hit the nail on the head Sarah. Thank you.
Emma – I love the Chinese 5 Element theory and have just remembered why – thanks
Have a great weekend all x
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This was a great post and exactly what I needed today. Thank you!
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Spot on! Love your post – your ability to share what’s in your head and heart and connect to what’s true for all of us is a gift. So, thanks for sharing and connecting! (oh and while I’m here, thanks for all the terrific bike info too
)
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Excellent post! I’m tucking this away for the next time I need it. Thanks Sarah
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When I read your post today I felt like jumping out of my seat and shouting ‘YES’. My whole life I have had the mantra that “as long as your feet are facing in the direction you want to go then the rest will just follow”. I really think I am going to change it to “take a leap of faith and your wings will follow” suits me much better
I am definately the type of person to take risks, I sometimes think I am not scared of the unknown, in fact I have so much faith that the universe will deliver what it is that I ask for (and at the very least, the things I need) that I am ready to take leaps of faith at the drop of a hat. This might perhaps be my downfall one day but so far I have done alright.
It just so happens that I married a ‘lets keep our feet firmly planted on the ground’ type of guy (and I mean firmly) which sometimes can be infurating but it keeps life moving at a much steadier pace (might also explain why I haven’t experienced that major downfall I spoke of ealier too). Not sure which it is and I’m not going to think too much about it. The debate is ongoing in my house.
All I can say Sarah is that your post really struck a cord with me and it rings true and sound to me on so many levels. Please never stop posting your insights as reading them and realising someone shares some of my thoughts is worth so much more than any therapist would dare to charge
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I enjoyed reading that Sarah, as it made me think about my own journey, life. When I was younger I used to fret a lot about this and that and everything, and never did anything. It was a crisis that forced me into the open, my mother died, would I survive, I did, and so did the others. You do fall for a while as you say. You do get get your wings too I believe, your confidence to push the boundaries. Though it is never easy, when you do push these boundaries back you come realise what freedom is, and you will survive and become stronger.
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I love that you saw a spiritual guide to keep you grounded, sounds like the antithesis of grounded. The sentiment I get. I just think life keeps going and it’s human nature to make the best of it. But don’t try too hard to be original and different otherwise you just end up being the same. Family holidays with the kids and hubby are just as cool as trekking in Borneo, it’s just the mindset that needs to be free.
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Thanks Sarah.
I have to work on mustering up the bravery to take those leaps. I am just too comfortable where I am… Comfortable but static!
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[...] If you need more convincing of the leap of faith, try reading this lovely blog from Sarah Wilson. [...]
Thanks for the reminder… I am engrossed in trying to ignore the tugging but I think this was the pebble I needed to trip over and fall. Funnily enough i predict my leap will take me to over to the UK where I will wallow in the treasured friendship of one ms christabel and her lovely partner Ben… and two little dudes I adore! Go well Sarah W. Sarah J
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it’s as though you are reading my mind, sarah! although, with a mortgage and 2 kids, i still dont have the courage to jump – or the faith in the angel wings……..
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Sarah,
This post brought me to tears because I completely understand and emulate your way of thinking. After years living in a hostile and abusive environment with my parents whilst recovering from an eating disorder and mild auto-immune issues through deep consultation and emotional support from my lovely naturopath I’ve decided to take the jump to move out of home (a big step with my health issues and current low income). I’ll try to focus on the good fait of angel wings to carry me to safety.
Thanks for being so real and insightful!
Kate – Brisbane
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April 13th, 2012 at 3:42 pm
Good luck to you Kate.
I recently took a leap of faith myself by quitting a job which made me unhappy despite not having another obvious way to earn income. I had been stuck in the position for too long by its convenience, good money and prestige but felt like it was killing my soul. Since I left I’ve felt so much happier and am slowly making discoveries about my path and the new direction I want to be in. As a fellow Hashimotos sufferer I feel it’s important at this time of my life to live my truth and not waste my energy in any way.
However the hardest thing is other people’s reactions. I’m constantly being asked if I’ve found work yet/ what I’m planning on doing/ how’s my freelance work coming along etc. It’s like nobody can bare me to be unproductive ( in their eyes) for any length of time and I feel I’m being judged for my family’s low income right now (just scraping by on hubby’s wages). And the wimp that I am I still haven’t had the courage to tell my mum I’ve quit my job!
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April 15th, 2012 at 11:10 am
Thanks for your wishes Tammy.
I completely understand what you mean and I increasingly find other peoples’ opinions invasive, condescending and unhelpful. There is a a constant competitive power struggle going on between people in our culture. Personally I prefer quality (of life) over quantity (of money) and I think you CAN find a happy medium.
All the best with the leap of faith you took (life’s too short for soul destruction) – I’m sure you’re life is balancing out and the changes will be of benefit in the long term!
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Absolutely beautifully written Sarah! THANK YOU! It is so true – I have jumped in the past and it has always taken me to the next stage! But I have never really taken the time to look back and see it. I will be sure to keep your wise words with me for the next big decision!
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Hi Sarah
Mt wife made me read this today and I can immediately relate as I am grappling with this very thing at the moment. My ‘spiritual advisor’ has been a therapist for a while and although my ‘diagnosis’ was due to a perfect storm of individual events, the big questions you refer to, the listlessness and anxiety from a direction I no longer believed in was certainly part of the problem. I must say it is harder to jump with two kids under two, but what role model will I be to my children if I felt like I compromised myself? That is a bitter pill to swallow.
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[...] “Jump. And then get your wings” – another fabulous article by Sarah Wilson that hits home in the midst of me trying to make some big, sorta scary life desicions with no certainty it’s the right thing to do! [...]
I am a ‘jumper’ myself.
While I’m inspired by the courage to jump and leap, I also dread doing this too often, as I’ve discovered sometimes all it takes is to ride it out and stay grounded to stay in tune with life.
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There is a great Zen saying that has the same sentiment
“Leap and the net will appear”
Try to live by it but forget sometimes.
Thanks for the reminder
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Thanks for the frank honesty, Sarah. I have found this really refreshing. I ended my second big relationship last year and it has always confused me why I have been so sad for so long. The guy was kind of a douchebag and I felt like a massive weight had been lifted when we split, so its not that I missed him. But I allowed him to get in my head and emotionally manipulate me and those feelings of self-doubt take a long time to recover from. I guess sometimes you get over the person a lot quicker than you get over the pain they left you.
Coupled with depression from my AI crashing again, and badly this time, its been an awfully hard year. I feel like I’m still freefalling and waiting for my wings to sprout. Anybody got a spare jet-powered rocket pack?
I’m looking forward to the next stage. See you in the air. X
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April 13th, 2012 at 9:28 pm
Sorry to hear you’ve had a hard year Mia Bluegirl. I don’t have a jet-powered rocket pack, but i’m sending you good vibes and prayers
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Mirror mirror on the wall…..same (never the same really, but similar!) experience.
very fine that you have recreated yourself many times.
My experiences are a mix. Some of chance (and seizing it) and others more planning and doing it. Changes and stepping onto new ground aplenty!
best wishes!
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“faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see.”
We have all been told, look before you leap. Study before you buy. Investigate before you trust. All good advice…. unless… we believe in our hearts that WE make the Angel wings. In order to take a true leap, we must acknowledge that it is not US who are in control.
I suppose that is why they call it a leap of faith!
I love how you bring these thoughts into our efforts to seek health. Thank you, Sarah.
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Such a gorgeous article Sarah and exactly what I’ve been needing! My Hubby and I are weighing up whether or not to pack up our life in Sydney and move to the country… He grew up in regional nsw and it’s pretty appealing to go somewhere where the houses are cheaper, the communities are closer and the air is fresher! But despite knowing that it makes sense… I’m scared! Id be leaving a good job, friends and family and jumping into the unknown! Any other readers with similar experiences?
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April 14th, 2012 at 3:54 pm
Mel, I haven’t had that experience myself but someone I know has. She and her partner and child had been living in Sydney with a place in the country. Sydney finally became too madly expensive (they are both potters) and about nine months ago they made the move to the country. She was very scared and doubtful before they went and now says she can’t believe she ever delayed going. She comes back to Sydney sometimes to teach, and loves it when she comes, but is always glad to leave and get back home.
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April 16th, 2012 at 7:15 am
Thanks so much for sharing PP! It’s so comforting to hear other people have done it and it’s worked out for them! My Hubby and I did a lot more chatting over the weekend and I think we may just dive in and give it a go! Lifes too short right?
ps. Do you mind me asking where abOuts your friend moved?
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What a great article. Strangley I had coffee with a girlfriend today who is having a career/life crisis where she feels that she’s not where she should be, and wants to change her path! If only I’d read this blog before I met her I could have taken credit for this fabulous wisdom, instead of nodding along with a sympathetic smile! Now I’ll just send her the link….!
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Oh, how you do ring those bells! For which many thankyous.
From my experience, those angel wings do grow but sometimes they can take years. I stopped work as a psychotherapist and dropped out of a terrible training, 8 years in, three years ago. Similar problems to you – stress-induced thyroid and adrenal burnout+++(from the training, not the work). I never, ever regretted my decision and having jumped several times before I knew I’d land, but only now do my wings feel formed enough that I can enjoy the fall (because it now feels more like flying).
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Hi Sarah, great poste. It has made me reflect also on my own decision path… my partner and i are thinking about moving from Tassie to Sydney for work reasons mainly and also just for a change. it’s that scary thing about leaving comfort zones – i will be quitting a job i have been in for 5 years, leaving friends and the comfortable life we have here in Hobart. but i am excited and also scared. So thank you this post has been great timing!
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Very cool,
In my experience, jumping is a case of following my instincts. I tried to stop jumping because people tend to think you are irrational and illogical, so i tried the long drawn out approach of researching my topic of change (career), for a year and a half, then saw a careers advisor.
I saw a lovely lady who was a psychologist/careers advisor, we ended up where I would have began if i had trusted my instincts. I think speaking to people anonymously to friends and family has a lot of benefits as they have no “whats in it for me”.
For some people that year and a half might provide security because they know that they have a reason behind the change that is solid. For some that may be considered as a waste of time. I have no regrets but know now that it’s better to trust the gut and if people think you are crazy, who cares!!, that’s how we learn new lessons by making mistakes. Why are we so scared to fail anyway!!
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Hi Sarah,
I requested your friendship on your Facebook page. I am reading the Integrative Nutrition book found your profile, and totally related to your situation. I am studying health and wellness at an online university, and hoping to change my life, as well as possibly move to a place that makes me very happy when I visit. I do not want to devulge too much here but would appreciate and look forward to more inspiration from you.
I too am suffering from adrenal fatigue and have been taking supplements for 10 months now but remain in a stress position, and am worried about this and the additional responsibilities I am taking to improve my life, my still be keeping me from full recovery.
Thanks for sharing your story !
Amy L
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Hi
That jumping and flying is a great image.
It is like.. you can’t get out into the deep blue sea without untying from the jetty.
If you want an image for the TIMING of your change..
Imagine life is like on a train journey.
1. You can use the anarchy approach and jump out the window while the train is moving. [Dangerous and painful].
2. You can have a listening ear constantly open, and get off when the train stops at the train station. [Smooth sailing].
3. You can dither at the trains top using logic (Logic only works when you have all the facts.. it’s ONLY use that I can see is to make excuses for what you have done. My family hold logic as important, so see the constant horrible effects of logic in their fearful lives.), and have the pain of getting THROWN off at the train station. [Lifted and dumped over and over again by your own personal wave].
4. I am not sure if this is the very best image because the free-will is only WHEN you get off.. not IF you get off. You will have to decide if this image is real for you.
Of interest in my experience, whever an object or situation is important, I get a version of internalised tunnel vision. This would not be what happens to others.. it would be a purely personalised effect of a listening ear. That listening ear would produce a different effect for different people.
I find that I am always kicking myself if I ignore that effect on purpose (because my logic says that it can’t possibly be important). I am not particurly sad at missing the opportunity. It is just one more lesson to learn.
For example.. seeing a bit of elastic (that is completely out of place) on the floor beside my pushbike could not possibly be important. Or even a five cent coin in an unusual spot beside my bed.
Farewell
Ivan
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Its amazing how so many of your posts come at exactly the right time for me
Thanks!
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It’s interesting to me that I can struggle with a decision for ages and ages, thinking “what if?” and having second thoughts and being too scared to make the leap….until something else (usually external, but it might be a health issue or a relationship change) happens to change the status quo and suddenly I can make big decisions as quickly and cleanly as I need to. The world I knew has already been changed so I may as well go along with it and *choose* where to go from there.
It seems that so much of what holds us back is fear of the ‘what if?’….
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Inspirational – thank-you!
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The ‘what if’ is all in the standing on the edge thinking about jumping. We don’t tend to think what if after we’ve jumped, so uncomfortable as it is, it’s worth screwing your eyes shut and jumping, knowing you can trust whatever is over the edge.
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I just stumbled onto your site. I’m at a place in my life where I’m clinging onto the edge, afraid to jump. Not trusting. So I thank you for this article. I’m off to find my wings…
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[...] the prophetic way that these things seem to happen, today I read a fantastic post by Sarah Wilson, on making changes in your life. It’s the age-old dilema of staying within your comfort zone [...]
[...] Wilson’s words of wisdom -“Jump. Then get your wings.” It reads into my heart and makes that fear lessen just a [...]