This is a technique I use when I’m anxious. I soften my eyes. That’s it. Calm descends.
If I’m particularly anxious, I shut my eyes and then I smile slightly, but with my eyes. My eyeballs go soft and the softness oozes all over. I also do it when I meditate, on those days when I’m “forcing” my way through life, including through my meditation.
image via 19 fragments
It’s the simplest of techniques. But it transforms my nervous system in an instant. And in that same instant it makes everything seem stupidly simple and sublimely OK. Because everything is, you know!
Why is this so? I read in Psychology Today recently about a bunch of studies that explain things a little. Perhaps you’re interested to know?
* Research found that furrowing the brow increased feelings of anger and disgust in the subjects, and made them less happy, less agreeable and less interested.
* Another study from Germany asked subjects to furrow their brow while looking at pictures of famous people and rate how famous they were. When subjects’ brows were furrowed they were less impressed by the fame of the celebrity, and judged them to be less famous. (Not such a bad thing?)
* Spurious approach, but…more research says women who have botox tend to get fewer feelings of anxiety. Simply because they can’t create the facial expressions associated with anxiety.
Try soft eyes. Try softening. Try forcing less. xx
Thanks Sarah, I needed to read this today. I have just done school drop-off, walking through a blustery Melbourne wind, feeling all scrunched up and grumpy. A little bit of eye softening has gone a long way to soften my mood and mind.
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September 7th, 2012 at 5:38 am
did it work?
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My meditation teacher was mentioning the importance of this last night. Thanks for the reminder
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Keep it coming Sarah. The travel stories, recipes, book updates (congratulations!) and gems like today’s post. Loving it.
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ohhh, this has got nothing to do with this blog but looking at your instagram photos I love the way the lady in the orange cardigan is giving you the 2 finger salute…perhaps payback for calling her old!
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September 7th, 2012 at 5:38 am
Ha! I didn’t notice!
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Just tried this – it works! Thank you! On the botox thing, i have also heard that the reverse is true. People with botox in their faces don’t get the endorphin hit from laughing/smiling because their muscles aren’t activated. I guess it works both ways.
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September 9th, 2012 at 10:21 pm
I like that theory more!
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September 11th, 2012 at 12:36 pm
I’m almost loathe to admit this on this site, but I have a teeeny bit of botox between my brows to tackle those dreaded vertical lines. I can categorically say that, with diminished frown capacity, I really do get less cranky (…most at my 7yr olds!) Wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t experienced it!
However, as it doesn’t affect the ‘laugh’ muscles on my face, my joy is undiminished! Wouldn’t touch ‘em. Actually love those lines…
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This really does work – and my ‘soft eyes’ are definitely getting a work out in the office today.
Cheers for giving me a trick to put up my sleeve and whip out when things just become too much to handle.
Kate
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Thank you Sarah (again). It works! My yoga teacher used to ask us to feel like our eyeballs were sinking gently into their sockets when sitting in meditation at the end of the class- it has a very similar effect!
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Thanks for this! It really does work. I’m always amazed at how such tiny, subtle changes can have such a large impact.
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September 9th, 2012 at 10:21 pm
hoorah!
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My yoga teacher taught me a beautiful word last night. Ahimsa, which means non-violence. In context, she was referring to non-violence against yourself, and making your inner dialogue kind and supportive and gentle. I instantly loved it.
I think your technique is good ahimsa.
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Current heavy metal detox plus pyroluria = thanks very much! This is really nifty. Here’s to as much stupidly simple and sublimely OK for the whole world as we can all possibly get
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I didn’t have a name for it before but I have always in 8 years of policing done this thing with my eyes and it softens most angry crooks. “soft eyes” It has helped me many times soothe those I’m dealing with…so simple but it works on others not just ourselves
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Love this tip! Thanks sarah. At your recommendation I’ve recently learned transcendental meditation (thanks for that too). I love it but have found myself a bit stuck of late. The trying not to try resulted in trying. I think this simple tip will really help. Totally makes sense!
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September 7th, 2012 at 5:39 am
Oh Sara, I’m still trying… and then not trying… a constant “battle”
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September 7th, 2012 at 8:07 pm
Glad it’s not just me! So easy to think it is for such an inward activity. Just did soft eyes with meditation though and it definitely helped! Regardless tm has helped heaps and I’m now trying to convince my 72 yo dad to do it to. I’ve sent him your tm posts as, despite nagging him for years about his sugar triggered migraines and consumption of liters of orange juice (“but it’s fruit”), he finally got it when I bought him iqs. So long migraines!
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September 9th, 2012 at 10:22 pm
Dads, hey! They’re ALWAYS right.
I read this book a long time ago which claimed that you can change yr emotions just by changing yr body language/acting out the emotions ie its a 2 way street:
ie when we are happy, we generally smile, perhaps sing, laugh etc, & the reverse is also true – if you are feeling down & want to pick yrself up, act happy despite not feeling it, & the happy feeling/emotion will eventually roll around – seems to tie in with what you say here
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I have tried botox and I can agree that for me it helped me stay calmer and more relaxed. I had it done at a very stressful time when I had got into such a permanent state of constant frowning. The botox helped me relax those muscles which had become over active/built up and break the cycle so to speak. I don’t recall feeling less happy. Actually probably the opposite because I was not able to be so grumpy all the time!
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Great practice. I also encourage two similar practices which can make us feel instantly better .. Half Smile Meditation, just holding a gentle half smile, one that is almost unnoticeable to others but you can really feel within .. and The Sigh Meditation, audibly sighing has an impact on the mind, tricking the mind into thinking all must be well with the world if you are calm enough to sigh (or yawn too is a good one). Both these little ‘meditative exercises’ are simple and practical, and work! I am writing an e-book on these little exercises because almost everyone who tries them can connect (and they also help us in settling into the more traditional and longer meditation practices) So .. lets all soften our eyes, hold the buddha half smile and sigh a lot ..
Try it
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September 7th, 2012 at 8:03 pm
Sarah, I’d love to get your ebook when complete! Sounds great.
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How lovely .. I will make sure to send you the e-book as soon as its finished. .. time is the constant challenge
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September 7th, 2012 at 9:25 pm
Happy to buy it or contribute however you are planning on distributing it. Not sure how to supply my email without posting it but I can pop in my website which you can contact me through though not sure it’s allowed?
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September 7th, 2012 at 10:14 pm
Sara…if I click on Sarah’s name, it takes me to her website. I’m sure you can contact here through there. Hope it works for you too.
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September 10th, 2012 at 2:52 pm
Bingo Carrie! Thanks
[...] Be // Need to relax ~ have soft eyes [...]
What a lovely, simple but effective tip. I just tried it, and you’re totally right!!
Definitely going to remember this to use next time I’m feeling flustered
xx
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[...] Soften your eyes: this and other simple relaxation, awareness techniques will help to calm worry and lift your mood. Just try it. [...]