A while back I read this interesting post on Psychology Today about embracing one’s uncertainness. Owning it and not running from it. I’m uncertain. I berate myself for it (uncertain people are often self-flagellating, too). I liked the points raised.
Image by Christoph Niemann
The article highlights that the uncertain among us expend a fair bit of energy unable to get a point across, swayed by the (bullying) certain folk among us, or distracted by the anxiety that comes with being uncertain. But there’s an upside: study your doubt. Get to know the patterns. See what’s going on when uncertainty strikes. Thus, writes the author…
“With practice you can become familiar enough with self-doubt and anxiety that you hold them nimbly and un-distractedly…
A benefit is that, when your doubt is exposed in debate it’s no surprise to you. You don’t flinch with a sudden surge of anxiety about your anxiety. You can stick with the topic under debate, persisting in what you’re insisting on.
If (the certain people) call attention to your doubt, you simply say or imply something like, “Of course I have doubts about my position, as any respectable thinker would. They fit the standard mold and for you I’ll list them (do this briskly but calmly). Now that said, I still place my full weight behind my position. The fact that you don’t doubt your position is not evidence that you’re right, just that you’re not much of a thinker.
Thinkers doubt. They’re brave enough to withstand the anxiety that doubt engenders.
I suspect you gave that up long ago. Don’t have much of a stomach for anxiety, do you?”
I personally don’t imagine ever repeating the above dialogue (arrogant and aggressive, much?), but it illustrates a really good angle. Thinkers doubt. I doubt, therefore I’m a thinker. And this is a good thing. I doubt, but it doesn’t mean, eventually, I’m not certain. I often reflect that I can take a long time to make a decision, but when I do I never regret it. I rarely regret a single decision. Because I know they’ve all been considered.
And this is another point. The consideration – the thinking – I put into things is actually worthwhile in itself. This is how I know stuff. I know stuff because I dwell. I like knowing stuff.
Do you think self-doubters are brave? Are the certain among us less so?
“It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it”.(Aristotle)
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October 17th, 2012 at 4:01 pm
like it
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I’m a self doubter when it comes to my bodies ability to do what I need it to do, which creates a large amount of anxiety, stress and then poor health to follow, the self fulfilling prophecy!
When it comes to mental decisions, I’m a tough cookie in that regard.
Did you have a look at Zen Pencils after he talked last weekend? I’ve ended up buying 2 posters, I thought he was brave to sell his house to follow his blogging dream and wanted to help him out.
I bought this one http://zenpencils.com/comic/39-shantideva-what-me-worry/ and also http://society6.com/zenpencils/7-ALBERT-EINSTEIN_Print/, both of which slot in to this topic quite nicely I think
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“I’m taking a stand in defence of the fence, I got a little band playing tributes to ambivalence” sings Tim Minchin (thanks Kate Holden).
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October 17th, 2012 at 4:01 pm
ooohh, yes!
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ok one more i like:
“”Millions of people never analyze themselves. Mentally they are mechanical products of the factory of their environment, preoccupied with breakfast, lunch, & dinner, working and sleeping, & going here & there to be entertained. They don’t know what or why they are seeking, nor why they never realize complete happiness & lasting satisfaction. By evading self-analysis, people go on being robots, conditioned by their environment. True self-analysis is the greatest art of progress.” -
Paramahansa Yogananda (India, 1893–1952)
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October 17th, 2012 at 11:20 am
Thanks for sharing that quote, seeker – it really resonates with me.
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October 17th, 2012 at 1:18 pm
yeah me too … it perhaps sounds a little bit critical though … (and i like better the term “completeness” than “complete happiness”) … sometimes i think some of us are just not here to do that sort of work … i know some people who would just never question what they are here for or why they are ‘working for the man’ or the machine … just completely unaware of the concept of questioning – or maybe afraid of it? … i find that really interesting … i still love (some of) them dearly but i often can’t imagine what that must be like, maybe i have too much time on my hands to think about this stuff!! but while sometimes it can be frustrating, overall, i feel it creates layers and even more things to question & notice and so in turn – more ways to learn/evolve … maybe … ?!!
I saw what i thought was a really great interview on tv – jennifer byrne speaking to ayaan hirsi ali (somali-dutch feminist and atheist activist, writer and politician who is known for her views critical of Islam) she speaks about her self doubt on the subject of her faith and how it taught her never to question anything in her religion, to just accept and abide etc … some of you might like this :
http://www.abc.net.au/tv/firsttuesday/s2958720.htm
xo
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I just told my boyfriend who after 4 months, I do love dearly. “I am not sure what is going on with us? something doesn’t feel right”. I need to see more of him to determine my feelings. We have fleeting catch-ups or shot term highs and I dont want to be sold on that. He appreciated my honesty is slightly nervous and says its part of our journey. Its important to know you can be inlove and uncertain of it at the same time. How brilliant x
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October 17th, 2012 at 4:02 pm
how great he responded like that…worth exploring further, even if just hte uncertainty!
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Interesting topic .. thank you !
Doubt can be so crippling for many people. I have found doubt to be useful but also excruciating when accompanied by self doubt and indecision.
Back when George W Bush was talking about invading Iraq I thought to my self that .. there must be something that they know that they’re not telling us for our own good. There must be some really good reason (other than the bogus WMD’s).. because if there’s not then that means that the Bush and his cohorts are incredibly stupid and/or evil. I didn’t think it was possible for people who were that stupid to have that much power. I was wrong. It was a total fiasco. Many thousands of people died unnecessarily, including Australian soldiers.
So yeah .. I’m all for a bit more doubt and healthy skepticism.
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October 17th, 2012 at 12:58 pm
p.s. See Australian Story (Michael Ware/Aussie Journo) .. kicking goals while most of our Press were M.I.A. in the questioning, doubting department during that period.
As many still are as witnessed by their startling lack of perspective when bludgeoning Julia G. after her home run against Tony Abbott last week.
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October 17th, 2012 at 1:25 pm
michael,
did you like the movie “lions for lambs” … i loved it – one of my favs … if you havent seen it i think you’d like it (just going from your comment, obviously!) – meryl streep, tom cruise, robert redford …
“don’t forget to breathe” … a line from it i like to reiterate to myself betimes!!
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October 17th, 2012 at 1:36 pm
Hey there Seeker
Yes I did like it. Robert Redford really pushed to get it made.
Not a big success in the US .. surprise, surprise.
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There’s a great passage in one of the Tomorrow series novels (John Marsden) where the main character, Ellie, is talk about how she feels dread, anxiety and guilt over the things she’s doing in the war. But she thinks thats what makes her better than the enemy – that she doubts, looks for ways to fight without causing too much pain, that she remembers and is bothered by what she’s done. The guilt she feels guides her actions, where as the enemy is a big war machine with no thoughts of the individuals. And that really helped me as a teenager – that doubting and thinking makes me better. Love the post today Sarah.
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wow. I am reading this while waiting for my councelling session. I am a huge ‘self doubter’ and it has, at times caused much angst in my life, and in my marriage – especially as my husband is the polar opposite of me resulting in me always berating myself and leaving me in such a state of confusion and uncertainty that I feel I don’t really know myself anymore. It is wonderful to read that I am a) not alone and b) that doubting and thinking makes me wiser and stronger than I could be otherwise. Thank you x
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October 17th, 2012 at 4:03 pm
hope the session went well!
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I love this.
Especially because I deeply loathe ‘surprises’ and would rather know (more or less) exactly what is going to happen so I can make the best possible decision thus ruling out any possibility of uncertainty screwing with my thought processes, often, but not always leading to: ‘lets call the whole thing off”
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Love that boyfriend Liz, october 17th, 2012 at 9:19. Hang on to that one! For those that like researches, here’s some great ways of putting similar thoughts together that are better expressed than I could cobble together. Good old Socrates. http://journals.sfu.ca/paideusis/index.php/paideusis/article/viewFile/178/122
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I needed to read this today. Your blog always seems to be here when I need it. Thank you Sarah.
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Thank you so much for this wonderful post Sarah. My self doubt has often been crippling in the past, but recently I have begun to turn this around by shining a positive light on it all. It may force me to pause, sometimes stop me completely in my tracks, but this pause gives me the time to think. As you have noted, it is in this moment that I am able to make more informed and thoughtful decisions – which I can see no negative in!
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This is a great post Sarah thank you. I am on a break from my old highly paid corporate job to explore blogging and writing and pursue another career possibly in publishing/marketing….just anything that is not that other job. Am actually trying to help people cut back their sugar like you…but not quite as pro yet!
It’s all extremely uncertain and luckily I can deal with that better than some of my friends could but at the same time it’s fair to say I panic every now and then and lots in my own head. I am really trying to learn to live with that uncertain feeling which I will have probably for the next 6 months. Turning the uncertainly around it can be ridiculously exciting! Those quotes may get put on a post it to go on my desk!
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i believe it was Einstein who said…the important thing is to not stop questioning… curiosity has it’s own reason for existing”…the other one i love although i am not sure of the author is “when you change the way you look at things the things you look at change”…if you are really seeking truth you have accept that sometimes doubt is the cost of knowing
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Loved this too Sarah. Just found out my husband had an affair (long suspected) this week so a lot of uncertainty going on about the future for me at the moment!
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[...] Why uncertainty is a good thing. [...]
I doubt all the time. Should I do this or that? Is this the right thing or should I rather have done that. And what about the future, am I doing the right thing? My mind is always busy thinking and an aliasing and doubting. Sometimes I drive myself crazy with it all. In the end however I think that (a) always trust your gut instinct and (b) there is something fundamentally not 100%right about something if you are doubting in the first pace. Good thing now though is that I know my doubting makes me a thinker….thanks Sarah that sounds so much better than procrastinator:)
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i like this one too:
“The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.”
-Bertrand Russell
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I would prefer an openminded person to closed minded one on most days !
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great post, thank you, really enjoyed it.
regarding bravery, I think anyone who knows themselves and knows what they need to function well, and who then provides the right tools to operate is brave.
I am a thinker, and I used to worry about my doubting, my ever-changing mind, but I am learning that indecisive people are not indecisive because they are daft, but quite the opposite, we are slow to make decisions because we are so analytical and we are weighing all the options!
I like the Myers-Briggs type inventory because it helps me understand myself and others. My husband is not a thinker… he is very decisive. But sometimes his decisions are rash and he has to correct them or undo them later. Each type has strengths and weaknesses, it is up to me to enjoy my strengths and rely on him for his strengths. and not berate him for not analyzing everything like I do!
I really enjoyed the book “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking.” really empowering for thinkers.
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I have been pondering this myself and through studying Chinese medicine I’ve learnt that thinking too much “disturbs the Shen” (spirit). Us OTs will experience this as anxiety, insomnia, digestive disorders and an ugly line between yr brows (a TCM face reading sign of too much thinking) like me. We dont want to discourage thinking, so my conclusion is balance with physical exercise. Sarah posted a great motivating article on exercise last week funnily enough!
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I’m gone to tell my little brother, that he should also visit this web site on regular basis to obtain updated from most recent gossip.
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