I’d like to tell you about my yearning
I have a yearning. Let me explain.
Sometimes I like to sit and think about the first courageous amoeba who ventured from the dank primordial soup of early life onto land. What a brave little fellow he must have been all those eons ago to have left the comfort and warmth of the soup and to venture into the open air. An uncomplex soul, he then, of course, progressed up the evolutionary tree, growing a spine, standing upright so he could reach the bananas, shedding some hair before finally becoming…us.
What went through his simple-celled mind ? What drew him from his comfortable existence flopping about in the fetid detritus towards an undoubtedly more complicated and painful life on solid ground?
I’ll tell you what it was. It was a yearning!
This yearning is a visceral need to go further, in spite of compelling evidence to suggest it would be so much nicer to stay put.
It was inexplicably at the little amoeba’s minute core.
We all yearn. We do, don’t we?
It’s always there. It’s the background soundtrack to our lives as we go through the motions of doing our tax and rushing to meet up with friends.
We yearn our way out of our mum’s womb to oxygenated life. We exist because we yearn. And our existence is characterized by our yearning. (Although granted some of are able to put on a better make of sound-blocking earphones, happy to ignore the incessant buzzing. And about three times in any given week I envy such people this most sweet aptitude.)
When I was two, I’m sure it was my yearning that saw me strop out of my room at night to stand in front of Dad and yell my first word: Nooooooo! Looking back now I’m pretty certain what I was trying to say was, “There is more to life than this. I just know it. More to grasp, more to contribute. I won’t be put down to bed. There’s more.”
This yearning – The Yearning – is a visceral sense there’s something else to life. A something else we’re not attending to, and that we have a hunger to reach out to.
This hunger still grips me today and it still sees me scream out “Noooooo!” when life gets too “surface-skimming”. I quit things, I tell people to shove it, I walk from opportunities, I take off, I jump into risk, I seek new minds.
Of course, I try to block out the Yearning quite regularly because it is more comfortable in the warm detritus of 9-5 work days and daily commutes and weekends spent filling in time at shopping malls. I would like to potter along, sometimes. To put on the sound-blocking earphones. But, really, there’s no point. Once you’re on the path, as many masters say, there’s no turning back.
At the moment I’m struggling to settle the inevitable tug of my yearning with a desire for more “everydayness” in my life. I’m trying to find the sweet spot where I can have both, and one complements the other.
I realise today’s post is a little esoteric, but hopefully you know the “pull” of “something more” that I’m talking about…Yes?
YES! Exactly how I’m feeling at the moment. Thanks for articulating it and reminding me I’m not alone! x
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I know that feeling well and it’s like you’re reading my mind. I’m having my own strop today because the yearning is getting very strong and I can’t tell it to be patient for much longer. Thanks for another thoughtful post.
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November 22nd, 2012 at 8:45 am
Ah, yes, the Yearning Strop!
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I have this same yearning every single day. That I want more from life. That there is more to my life than the everydayness of my work/life balance (which is tipping more and more to work. No balance at all). I wish that I could be content with the simple norms of life. Get up, 30 min exercise, work, home, eat sleep, repeat. But this far from satisfies the core of my being. Im learning to embrace this yearning and slowly im letting it go exploring, venturing out of the warmth of the soup to see the possibilities out there.
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Yes! I once quit a perfectly good job once because I knew that there had to be more!
Thanks Sarah
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My favourite quite at the moment (from a book I’m reading at the moment-I forget who by!)
“Always the effort of resistance, of counter motion, of breaking off into what is untried and unknown: yet the unknown seems in it’s distance and blank mystery to contain for me a form of hope, a strange force that is pure possibility”.
But the effort… Oh the EFFORT!!!
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I’ve found myself in, perhaps, a dangerous place where I’ve managed to step away from the soul-less existence that we call “real life”. The yearning has amplified to the point where I find “going back” unthinkable… but now what? It’s a tough place, but I trust that there’s more substance in listening to the little voice, deep inside, that has been screaming NOOOO for some time now (an manifesting as various signs and symptoms!) … time to sit up and listen… *butterflies!
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I feel you, Sarah. The past year has seen me live in four countries- ashrams, farms, rural villages,busy cities, all because of this deep yearning for something (what is it?) more. Now, I am tired (and about to set off to a fifth country!) and am beginning to crave this everydayness you speak of. I too would like to find a balance. Perhaps with awareness, I will be able to integrate everydayness and ‘moreness’, so to say, better than I have this year. I yearn for this.
All the best to you! Kiss.
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November 22nd, 2012 at 11:26 pm
I think you have hit on something Ati .. for me integration is the key ..
with it I bring ‘something more’ through my front door ..
and I take it with me when I leave the house everyday.
Best of luck with your next move
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Oh yes. I feel it, the Yearning. And never more powerfully than on this day, which is my birthday. I feel that a birthday brings all yearnings to the fore, and makes them harder to ignore.
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They say if God wants you somewhere else, and you’re not listening, he’ll put a ticking time bomb under you…one way or another you’ll get to where you’re supposed to be.
For me it was “the sense that I was meant for something greater”. So I fought. My whole life I fought the ordinariness that seemed to consume the world around me. I travelled and studied and studied and studied and travelled. I changed careers, and moved jobs and homes from Sydney to Brisbane on the way to Canberra to secure this sense of greatness I was sure I was predestined for.
So was the plan.
First came food poisoning so severe I was left with dietary restrictions ruling me out of international aid work. Then came the GFC, which resulted in a serious job vacancy / advertising issue globally – including the public service, and international aid and security agencies. Then came the knee injury that meant I wasn’t fit to pass military entry exams…that’s just the big stuff.
So maybe it wasn’t a ticking time bomb, but a series of very large, very immobile brick walls.
I decided not to fight anymore. I decided I wanted to just be for a little while. Soon after this I went to a seafood festival and my world changed forever.
And I am happy. Really happy, just being in this place, with this man and our baby, and doing my very ordinary but fulfilling job.
I guess sometimes the yearning isn’t about changing the world, but changing your world, just enough to make sitting still seem quite perfect.
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November 26th, 2012 at 3:51 pm
I love your message Sari, just love it.
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Thank you Sarah, for putting into words what I have been feeling for a very long time now. And thank you, everyone because for a while there I really thought it was just me.
Today I am so very thankful I found my way here..
..to reach out, to give, to share, to create, to educate, to connect, to accept.. most of all, to accept.
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November 22nd, 2012 at 6:28 pm
You’re welcome…and what a lovely expression of gratitude !
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Oh yes.
So well put.
My problem is that I don’t know what that ‘thing’ is. So I fill the gaps up.
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November 22nd, 2012 at 6:28 pm
Oh, me too. But stick with it…it will drag you to the ‘thing”. Trust me.
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I love this Sarah. I am currently at work (reading your inspiring blog), with an ache that just won’t stop, yearning and yearning for more… so much more. But what I am yearning for? I am struggling to find my answer. If anyone has any advice, please send it my way!
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I get you, Sarah.
So does Bukowski.
The Aliens
you may not believe it
but there are people
who go through life with
very little
friction or
distress.
they dress well, eat
well, sleep well.
they are contented with
their family
life.
they have moments of
grief
but all in all
they are undisturbed
and often feel
very good.
and when they die
it is an easy
death, usually in their
sleep.
you may not believe
it
but such people do
exist.
but i am not one of
them.
oh no, I am not one of them,
I am not even near
to being
one of
them.
but they
are there
and I am
here
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November 22nd, 2012 at 6:29 pm
Friggen right on!!!
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November 22nd, 2012 at 7:26 pm
Love it!;
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November 22nd, 2012 at 7:40 pm
Haha that’s a great poem.
But Sarah I don’t think this yearning feeling is as uncommon as you might think. I suppose I understand this ‘yearning’ less in terms of your primordial soup analogy (which is great, and I get it) and more as simply a commitment to first finding – and then following – your bliss. Ie not just going through the motions because that’s what we’re ‘supposed to be doing’.
(As an aside, I think I know what you mean about the pull between the ‘yearning’ and the everyday stuff – I work in an industry that when you are working, demands long days that leave little time for much else. But following a job you have a week or two of down time during which you can rediscover friends, family, your living room and go to see a film at lunchtime on a Monday…I feel like this is my balance and it’s balanced enough to not have to sacrifice one for the other. As Danielle Laporte would say – life balance is a myth)
But back to the yearning thing, I figure that people either work out what they desire from life and then go about doing it and getting it (with all the complications/difficulties/raised eyebrows that this might bring), OR…
Laura – I’ll see your Bukowski and raise you a Marge Simpson: ‘It doesn’t matter how you feel inside, you know. It’s what shows up on the outside that counts. Take all your bad feelings and push them down, all the way down past your knees, until you’re almost walking on them. And then you’ll fit in, and you’ll be invited to parties, and boys will like you. And happiness will follow.’
I might have gotten a bit off topic…
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November 23rd, 2012 at 12:32 pm
These aliens when they do have moments of grief, they don’t go it alone, for they are surrounded by loving, incredible, wonderful and supportive friends and family. And they also don’t have to cook for a month because those that love and support them look after their wellbeing.
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November 23rd, 2012 at 11:20 pm
I am not one of them either!!!
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mine’s more like a wondering than a yearning … must be the little bit of kapha in my dosha …
sometimes the wondering does turn into a bit of a struggle, but its very rare these days, and when it comes i know it will pass and that it means something new will be revealed soon enough …
i seem to be a bit uncomfortable with the idea of me yearning … breathing out slowly is good.
basically i think we all havent really got a frickin clue!
haha!
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i just downloaded 2 of your christmas books one for my mom & one for me. thank you.
here is something back for you, and for us all, from the magnificent John O’Donoghue, he seems to have been all over it, wish i could have met him before he moved on:
Blessed be the longing that brought you here
And quickens your soul with wonder.
May you have the courage to listen to the voice of desire
That disturbs you when you have settled for something safe
May you have the wisdom to enter generously into your own unease
To discover the new direction your longing wants you to take.
May the forms of your belonging–in love, creativity, and friendship
Be equal to the grandeur and the call of your soul.
May the one you long for long for you.
May your dreams gradually reveal the destination of your desire.
May a secret Providence guide your thought and nurture your feeling.
May your mind inhabit your life with the sureness with which
your body inhabits the world.
May your heart never be haunted by ghost-structures of old damage.
May you come to accept your longing as divine urgency.
May you know the urgency with which God longs for you.
… he’s somethin’ else ain’t he?!
xo
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November 22nd, 2012 at 11:19 pm
Indeed !
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November 27th, 2012 at 8:41 am
Love it
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November 27th, 2012 at 8:43 am
Sorry about the cranky face… I thought that emoticon was a kiss!!!
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Sarah I love the way you write. I know exactly what you mean, I yearn for more but sometimes I wish I could just be content with the every day, like so many people are – people who don’t question whether they’re doing the right thing, or are in the right place, they just keep living their life without any doubts. But for some reason (could be a low boredom threshold) I can’t do it, and I yearn for more out of life than the 9-5 existence. Good to know I’m not the only one
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Hey Sarah,
Great post today. Your honesty is inspiring. I too wrestle between the yearning and just allowing myself to “be”.
I was following your European journey earlier this year. I really connected with your desire to find a community that both supported and challenged you. What did you end up deciding? Or is it still all in progress?
m
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I too, am exactly in this space at the moment, even to the point where I am questioning the things that I am currently doing and wondering whether I need to stop them to start something else, then doing nothing and ending in a rut! I feel like there is more to life, more to me, this zest inside that just wants to laugh until I hurt, explore until I fall into bed at night still fully clothed and wake up ready to do it all again. I’m just not sure where to start, and that tends to become the most overwhelming, degrading part. Likewise, it’s nice not to feel alone! Thank you Sarah, and everyone else who has commented.
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Interesting article Sarah and well written.
I think it’s part of human nature to always be ‘yearning’ for more. At what point is one actually satisfied and content?
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There is also a lot to be said for learning to quiet the yearning, to accept what is, learn to be here in the now. Yearning is a desire for more. It is perfectly ok of course to want a different life from the 9-5, but why does that make your choices better or more aspirational than someone who has decided to learn to be content with what they have?
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You have such an incredible knack of writing about exactly what I’m feeling at any given moment. Thank you, thank you, thank you, I needed this today.
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Great article. Reminds me of one of my favourite quotes from C.S. Lewis: “If I discover within myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world”
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I know where my current yearning is pulling me to, I am resisting it because of the unknown of it, the sadness it will bring and loss that will result.
I am a strong person, knowing I can do it and come through is one thing, the hardest part is knowing that having given in and followed this though it wont be enough. There will be another stronger yearning to follow or perhaps sinking in to wallow in the aftermath and call it contentment?
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Dear Sarah, it seems as if though you have written this post for me. Yet, many of us are feeling this way, gauging from everyone’s thoughtful comments and the quotes shared.
I, too, feel the yearning within my core for more than the everyday conventional life. yet, I wish I was content with the conventional way of living. That means I would fit in.
After reading your articulate post about ‘my feelings’, I’m relived to know I’m not the only one feeling this way.
L x
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I’ve just “retired” to follow my dreams and after 34 years of having a day job it is really weird to suddenly lose that structure from your life, get up, breakfast, work, come home, cup of tea, walk, cook dinner, work on computer, TV or read then bed, repeat. Suddenly, the whole day, week, month is yours to do as you wish with. So for me also – needing to find that sweet spot between working on my businesses and having some “me” time that has been so sadly lacking over the years!
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November 23rd, 2012 at 4:05 pm
good luck jan!
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November 25th, 2012 at 8:12 pm
Thanks
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Love how honest your posts are! I have worked out that the “yearning” is the spiritual part of me telling me it needs some attention. I found this loaded quote summed up for me why I yearn – because I feel a desire to live rather than merely exist:
“To live without a Faith, without a patrimony to defend, without a steady struggle for Truth, is not living but existing. We must never exist, but live.” –Pier Giorgio Frassati
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November 23rd, 2012 at 2:38 pm
I love it, thanks for sharing:).
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I get your post for today. Sometime you just have to let the universe lead you where it will; live with the question mark and expect magic!
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This is the whole point of existence (for me anyway), to keep moving, learning, growing – always in search… not always sure of what, but it always seems to find me…until I need to move on, in search of whatever else is going to help me grow. Exhausting at times (often), but I couldn’t do it any other way. For a long time I felt it wasn’t ok to live this way (cause most people don’t, or most people don’t understand this need/yearning to keep moving (in whatever way that might be). But now I have accepted this is me and I’m trying to just trust and let things unfold. “I will be lead where I need to go”. It’s ok to let go and allow this to happen:).
Thanks for sharing, nice to know I’m not alone:).
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So awesome to read that other “Soul Gypsy’s” are out there! My Darling Mum who passed away 7 years ago this week, was an eternal searcher for the something more, and I thank God that I too have this need to see,do,be more than your average “lifer”. I have a deep appreciation for Lifers as I married one and we have produced one! But for all my need to find and search they bring a wonderful balance to my life and allow me my adventures to heal and feed my soul while still allowing me a somewhat conventional life, but the balance has been a long time coming with many strange paths trodden to arrive here, and the winds are blowing again so I can’t wait to see where we are headed next
hope you all have a refreshing and fun weekend
Tarni xxxxx
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Beautifully written Sarah. I feel so relieved to read that I’m not the only one with the yearning. U2′s song “Still haven’t found what I’m looking for” has played on a loop in my brain for so many years I that have lost count.
Maybe I have a restless soul…
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Dearest Sarah,
After 3 years of constant unrest, changes, ups and downs, never quite standing on two feet, I find that I am yearning for peace, for calm, for quiet. For that every day existence walking with my two feet firmly planted. Most of all I find I am yearning for routine! Who would have thought in a world of such possibilities and adventures. Perhaps I need to find my balance, bring my soul back into alignment. Perhaps this is also my libran personality peaking out, reminding me what needs to be done to feel happy and in balance again.
Thank you for this post…. and every other post. It is soothing to the soul to know that others feel alike.
Have a wonderful day
Cherie
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Yes, yes, yes!
Sarah, sometimes I think you are reading my mind. But then I realise, no, you’re just voicing things that people experience but don’t often talk about.
So thank you for your insights. They are very reassuring & uplifting.
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I feel the yearning that you speak of. I however, have agoraphobia so that kind of stifles everything. Not content where I am and knowing deep down that life has a greater purpose than the one I am living but the thought of exploring new places and trying to step out of my rut quite honestly terrify me right now. But the definition of madness is doing the same thing and expecting a different result. So I am taking very small baby steps. Trying to nurture my body and soul in a gradual way so the changes stick. Even though My life is not what I want it to be right now, thankfully, I am still optimistic for the future. It is a nice feeling that many people have similar feelings just expressed in individual ways.
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I read EVERYTHING you write Sarah but am quite shy and don’t post very often but I have to admit that sometimes I think we were seperated at birth!!! I have immense gratitude to you for putting into words what I feel. My yearning at the moment is to visit Greece again which I will be doing in October. It is a physical yearning like nothing I have ever experienced and I am acting on it and I can’t wait! Thank you Sarah x
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Favourite quote on this post Sari, I feel that my constant yearning is preventing me from appreciating the wonder that is around me everyday.
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November 24th, 2012 at 1:23 am
Cheers Jen!
I gave myself 6 months off from searching. Mind you it took me 6 months to decide to do it
. That was nearly 4 years ago.
It’s amazing what gifts the universe brings us when we give ourselves permission to receive them…not matter their form.
May even the darkest days of your journey be filled with the light of those you love. xoxox
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I think about this every single day. Part of me just wants to absolve myself of all responsibilities (dog, husband, job) and just take off and travel, figuring out stuff along the way. But knowing the kind of person I am and the kind of person I am married to, we have that balance that people are talking about here within our relationship, that allows us to keep creating and having experiences to help us grow with and satiate said yearning. If that makes sense. Our balance is we try and keep things simple, go after what matters most, and (and this is something I have learned this year) recognise that often the basic everyday things done well can be a satisfying part of life, in between the more off the beaten path adventures. Several years ago, I had the absolute privilege of interviewing a very gracious older gentleman at the age of 105 in his Lower East Side triplex. He ran his first marathon at 75 (in London), owned and worked in an office every weekday until he was 103, walked home from JFK airport after most business trips, pioneered the concept of international business travel in the US, and was still being asked advice about the 1929 stock crash, because he was the only one who was stil alive and working there then! His advice? Keep moving and always ask what’s new.
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For me the yearning is for ‘my people’ – those kindred spirits that dare to do.
I find that the balance is found when I invite them into my home – into our normal everyday life. I have faith that the same kindness will be extended to us when we are on the road.
Right now we have a young troubled teenager and an indigenous woman in need of a place to stay who are sharing their paths with us for a while – what an enriching experience. Sometimes you have to stop ‘going out’ to fill the yearning and ‘invite it in’.
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November 25th, 2012 at 12:38 pm
Absolutely !
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I used to have a yearning too, and spent so much time and energy wondering what it was I was meant to do. And then I discovered it – motherhood. Motherhood! Oh how meaningful it is! It’s the hardest job in the world but the BEST job in the world!
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I quit things, I tell people to shove it, I walk from opportunities, I take off, I jump into risk, I seek new minds.
I feel i Nedd to do these things more often!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Thank you, lovely Sarah, for these words. They made me catch my breath this morning, in a wonderful way. Much needed. [And I've loved reading the comments, too! It has hit a nerve with so many, which is an encouraging sign.]
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I sometimes think about everydayness too, people working 9-5 doing the family thing and meeting a need or other, being disciplined. Then I stop my thought process, I say to myself, no,I really am happy being me, on my evolutionary path. I have been down that everyday path, then tossed it all in moved to Queensland, then moved to Italy for a while and now heading back to Aus then who knows. Some of us are just not cut out for everydayness, but that is me, that is the cloth I am cut from.
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[...] to think there’s a bit more to life? My fave blogger Sarah Wilson recently wrote a post about those who yearn. Sarah described this yearning as a visceral need to go further, in spite of compelling evidence [...]
Bizaare juxtaposition of Darwinianism and anthropomorphism there.
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Hi Sarah,
I am one of the many people who love reading your posts, yet never comments or lets you know how appreciated your work is. I just wanted to say thank you, and keep doing what you’re doing and being you- you’re great
Thank you!
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November 30th, 2012 at 1:40 pm
Hi Sarah,
Thankyou for the post. I think I understand what you are experiencing. For me it is the tension between stillness and form (activity). It has been my experience that by regularly practising stillness and connecting with being (God) it has helped me direct and channel the constant yearning . In this regard I think Echart Tolle’s books The Power of Now and The New Earth- have something interesting to contribute.
Thanks for you posts – Gaye
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[...] Why people live to yearn [...]