In Sunday Life this week I get more authentic online

A theme that crops up consistently in this weekly flirt with life betterment is something I call “too much-itis”. Or “battered (by) life syndrome”, a condition charcterised by a sense that too many commitments and distractions are dragging us down. The American Academy of Pediatrics have just diagnosed the latest symptom: Facebook Depression, caused by reading friends’ updates and feeling your life sucks in comparison to the fabulous “wine weekend away with the boyf” and “ZOMG! Most blissful afternoon on the harbour with besties” everyone else is breezily engaged in.

I used to call this malaise Friday Night Alone Watching The Bill-ophobia. Previously, a mere suspicion everyone was out having more fun than you fuelled the panic. But since everyone now has Facebook and Twitter on their phones, there’s no doubt. We all know exactly – in real time – how much fun everyone else is having. Which has upped the heart-sink.

I now call it Friday Night Alone Reading Status Updates-ophobia.

Me, I’ve become totally overwhelmed by other people’s status updates. An article in this magazine on the subject a few months ago, prompting a wave of  “me too!” feedback. My journalist friend C has since taken a Twitter hiatus. “I can’t deal with the spin. It feels so grubby.” My single friend G has turned off Facebook; “Too many ex-boyfriends with baby photos!”.

Quitting social media altogether is one solution. I’ve previously tested e-toxing (living offline) and creating e-boundaries (like using the Freedom app which blocks social media for eight hours at a time) in this column. They’re great. But extreme. I personally get a lot from Twitter in particular – it’s the most efficient way for me to read the news each day.

So this week I experimented with some more balanced – and balancing – approaches.

I came across this Danielle LaPorte post a few weeks back on giving yourself permission. She writes a very whimsical list of things we can all feel free to do. Or, rather, not do. She’s waved the wand. We’re allowed! They’re rather cute (I’ve posted my favourites below).

It’s a little bit like the idea of being “thoroughly me” which I wrote about a while back. When you work out what makes you YOU, it’s so liberating. You can make firmer decisions. You don’t apologise for yourself. You steer your little boat towards things that count.

A way to do this (to work out what makes you YOU)  is to actually go through your life and identify the things that shit you, or give you that hunched, gritty, grey, niggly feeling when you just IMAGINE doing them. Then you tell yourself, actually, there’s no need to do that anymore. I mean, really. No. Need. In most cases.

I’m doing that right now. After getting back from my holiday I realised a lot of my life is spent doing “low-rent” stuff. That is, things that are low-quality for me. I accept jobs that are not part of my ethos. I help people who are takers. I take part in after-work activities that are obligations, but don’t make my heart sing. I say yes to meeting up with people who don’t make me feel warm and heartened. And days can go by and I wonder why I don’t feel magnificent.

What stops me from dropping the low-rent stuff is

a) not having perspective – when I’m bogged down in the quagmire I don’t access my feelings to see if an obligation or whatever is making me feel grey and niggly.

b) I’m scared that I’m not allowed to. But, really, it is just about giving yourself permission. No one else will. Who really cares? Only you. So just choose. And see what happens.

Right now, I’m freeing myself of a few low-rent experiences that have been bogging me down.

* Returning calls and emails from people who only want something from me is one.  If they need me, they can track me down. This is hard…I’m a compulsive follow-upperer…but, seriously, the onus is on the other person.

We all saw the gendered election worm last night…what was interesting was that, compared with previous election debates the worm tracked far more positively than normal. Plus, the pink worm (women) was, overall, more positive than the blue (men).

When Julia Gillard or Tony Abbott started sledging the other, both worms took a dive into the dirt. Ditto when they spoke negatively about…anything.

Which begs: do we really  believe a positive approach wins, or are we simply seeking happy-happy-joy-joy-ness, at the expense of balanced critical thought? You’ve probably noticed the whole positive psychology spiel that dominates so much discourse these days. You attract what you put out there, and all that jazz. It would appear we’re all seeking a sunnier approach against a backdrop of a confusing, cluttered life.

A thought or two on MasterChef Finale. And life friction.

Today I’m off to Hamilton Island to MC the Great Barrier Feast at Qualia, featuring Justin North from Becasse (we first met on MasterChef) and food writer Simon Thompsen (also done a cameo on MasterChef). I’ll try to post some tweets about the best flavour combinations. Follow me here. I keep getting asked if I’m watching the finale of MC. Well, rather fittingly I’ll be away for the finale of series two. Eating.

A year ago I was sitting in a pub with friends watching the finale, with me up there on the screen with the boys…and Justin North! Can I say this now? It’s been a year. I didn’t so much enjoy the experience. The whole “hosting” gig. It felt like I was a square peg shoved in a round hole, being pushed against the grain of my being.

When this happens in life – as it does from time to time, to test me – it leaves me in quite the state of friction. Being rubbed the wrong way is not good. I get irritated. Eventually I surge forward into action and find a path with a smoother surface.

Dumb Little Man posted a list of the 7 Reasons Why You’re Time Poor this week. I don’t always read these kind of things – I’m too time poor – but this jumped out as one of the reasons:

#3 You Have Too Much Life Friction

Life friction. Not good. It literally holds you back like Velcro.

Other life friction is catching a bus that goes a route to work that makes no sense. Find another route. Continuing to work with a client who does your head in and really doesn’t pay the bills big time. Drop them. Going to a gym which is on the other side of town because you haven’t got around to cancelling your membership. Switch. Wearing shoes that hurt your feet. Donate them.

***Updated Friday 5pm: News is emerging the election will be called tomorrow. The PM is saying she’ll ask the GG to delay issuing the writ until Wednesday, which means IF YOU’RE NOT ENROLLED TO VOTE YOU’LL HAVE ABOUT FIVE DAYS TO DO SO. Do it at my link here.

***Updated Friday 5pm: Latika Bourke has started this election Twitter list of political journos to follow. For more, see my list below.

I keep getting asked the best way to stay up to speed with the stuff we all need to know for the election. Honestly? Twitter. It’s taken a while, but Twitter has really settled into itself and we’re kind of getting the hang of how to best use it. It’s not really for inane “I just ate 3 Maltesers” updates. It’s a business tool. And a media tool.

Heading into the election, Twitter will play a major role. News will break on Twitter (as it did with the Abbott/Turnbull spill). Dynamic, important debate will happen on Twitter. Without spin (there’s not enough characters!). On Twitter the media/opinion leaders we all love actually share what they REALLY think, rather than the publisher line.

Before I break into a list, a community announcement: The election COULD BE CALLED THIS WEEKEND, which means you need to be enrolled to vote NOW. Not on Monday. TODAY. Got it? Once the election is called, there’s about 1-5 days (depending on how fast they move things) to do so. If you’re a first-timer, or you’ve moved, or you have kids who might not be correctly enrolled, check out my election cheat sheet. Pass her around…

It’s a fact of life: these days we have to cull “electronic friends”  to cope with Sheer Influx of Cluttery Information. I think we all accept this, right? It’s not personal; it’s professional. I keep my “following” list at 108…it’s partly an auspicious thing.

But how to clear the clutter? This little gizmo – ManageFlitter – does it sniper-like.

It works by sorting your Twitter followers list into:

• Talkative or Quite – They tweet too much or too little.
• One Sided – They don’t follow you back.
• Possible Spam – They have no picture on their Twitter profile